The Bitter Single Guy's Relationship Advice

It’s Been a Minute

Oh man, it’s been a long time since I’ve been here! A lot of people have followed and read this advice over the 15 years I’ve been writing it, and some of you probably thought I wasn’t ever coming back.

Well I’m here, although in a totally different way. But just in case you’re new in town, here’s how we got here:

1995: Amazon.com goes live and sells books online from Seattle, WA
1996: Steve Jobs comes back to Apple
1999: The Bitter Single Guy’s Relationship Advice is born (also in Seattle, WA)
1999: President Bill Clinton is impeached (unrelated to the above)
1999 – 2012: The Bitter Single Guy, writing in the third person, receives THOUSANDS of letters (a few hundred of which actually get answered)
2012: The Bitter Single Guy does audio podcasts because it was all the rage
2013: The Bitter Single Guy and a pal produce video advice where the BSG himself is animated!
2015: The Bitter Single Guy, whose name is Greg, has written a play that he’s producing with a brilliant theater pal.

After 15 years of reading and responding to letters, and (it should be noted) 15 years of failed dates (and a few successful ones) the BSG is ready to stop writing in the third person (I’m learning to type “I”) and has taken some of the awesomest experiences shared by readers and has written a play! Click here to see the video
and even contribute a few bucks to the production! But mostly, come with me on this new part of the Bitter Single Guy journey. If you get a moment, leave a comment…let me know that you’re out there.

On to the new adventure…

Research Finding: Online Dating Isn’t Better

Dear Readers, the BSG is a research and data junkie. He also thinks that the promise of online dating is not being fulfilled. Turns out he was RIGHT! 

New Research Suggests Online Dating Websites Don’t Produce Longer or Happier Relationships

Couples who meet online don’t tend to be any happier with their love lives than those who meet in traditional offline settings.  That’s the conclusion of a new research report at LoveLearnings.com, where the authors sorted through various research studies in an attempt to find out whether internet dating produces healthier, happier, and more committed romantic relationships.

For those who have used dating websites like PlentyOfFish or Match.com in the past, this may come as no surprise, since finding and meeting your soulmate on one of these websites can quickly begin to seem like an unrealistic objective.  But many sites, such as eHarmony.com, claim to offer “matchmaking algorithms” that are “scientifically designed” pair you off with compatible singles based on a variety of attributes and qualities.

As it turns out, those surveys and matchmaking algorithms don’t stand up well when put under the microscope.  “To date, there is no compelling evidence that any online dating matching algorithm actually works,” says Eli Finkel, professor of social psychology at Northwestern University and one of the researchers cited in the report.

Although the study does recognize that internet dating websites offer a new and less intimidating place to meet singles of the opposite sex (especially sites that charge a monthly subscription fee, which acts as a natural filter against less committed folks), it concludes that, in general, meeting someone online doesn’t make it any more likely that you’ll fall in love and live happily ever after.

 

Thanks to the nice folks at LoveLearnings.com ~BSG~

The BSG Sells Out (3)

So the BSG realizes that in the first two installments of his sell out, he has only teased you. If you haven’t caught up, take a few moments and read the two posts preceding this one.

If you’re caught up, you know that the BSG was sent a sample of a product from a company called Rounderwear. Specifically the BSG was send a pair of black boxer briefs that featured “gluteal shapers”, which is to say…”ass padding”. Yep, the BSG wore padded underwear.

But the BSG, if he goes, believes in going big. So not only did the BSG try on the padded underwear, he wore them in PUBLIC. And not only did the BSG wear them in public, he wore them ON STAGE. It’s true, the BSG was invited to to be the emcee for a literary event…a poetry reading actually. A raucous poetry reading, but poetry none the less. And there, in front of a room full of raucous poetry lovers, the BSG did in fact parade his padded ass.

There was applause. Although it’s tough to know if the applause was for the BSG’s actual ass, or for his moxie in appearing publicly in padded underwear. But enough pussyfooting around it. Here was the BSG’s experience:

• The padded underwear requires pants tight enough to discern the overall ass-shape. The BSG owns few of these pants, so this was a challenge.
• With tight-ish pants, the BSG was able to recognize (mostly when he sat down) that he did, in fact, have padding between his ass and the bench he was sitting on. Noticeable padding.
• The BSG’s ass is already somewhat roundish, so he’s not sure of the before and after.
• The BSG didn’t feel more confident, in fact, he felt a little self-conscious. But the BSG has to admit he’s never spent that much time wondering how his ass looked. Although based on the sheer physics of tight-ish pants and padded underwear, the BSG has to assume that those underwear made his ass look big.
• The BSG had two accommodating friends (one male and one female, for research purposes) actually give his padded ass a squeeze before and after the Wearing of the Enhanced Underwear.
• The BSG’s friends concluded that his ass was bigger with the padding, but also squishier than his unpadded ass.
• This gave the BSG a good feeling and not just because he had talked his friends into feeling him up.
• The padded underwear were hot. Not sexy hot (although the general public didn’t come flooding up to the BSG so he doesn’t really know). HOT hot. As in sweaty. As in, the BSG’s ass was sweaty during the Wearing of the Enhanced Underwear.

So that’s the basic experience with the padded underwear. The BSG’s ass was indeed a little rounder, but he’s not sure his already-ample ass needed the padding.

As a side note, the BSG found that when he tossed the padded underwear into the clothes washer, the foam padding came out in the wash and floated freely. Probably this is a good thing? Does it mean that bigger pads can be ordered?

The BSG doesn’t know if he’s going to wear the enhanced underwear again, but he hasn’t discarded them. They’re in the BSG’s regular underwear drawer and who knows…the BSG may get a wild hair in his underwear some day and don them again. So if you see an aging, ample-assed man on the street to whom you are inexplicably drawn…particularly to his ass…you should walk up and say hell0.

~BSG~

First Bachelor Pad

This is a guest post by Terrence Filmont (bio below)

In the US, nearly 33 million people live alone, according to US Census data. Getting your first place without roommates is an exciting experience and a definite step up from dorm room living—if you’re well prepared.

Get the Essentials

If you lived with roommates before or in a dorm, a lot of your furniture needs were taken care of, either by the school or your fellow housemates. On your own, you need to invest in your own pieces. Even if your pad is a temporary situation, it doesn’t have to feel that way. Get comfortable and classy pieces of furniture that you’ll want to keep for years to come. Remember, a milk crate is not a table and a futon is not a bed. Pieces you’ll definitely need include a real bed, a couch, small dining table and a desk. Try shopping thrift and consignment shops first. Look for solid wood furniture that will last. You can always refinish it or update the hardware if you don’t love the look.

Clean it Up

Living alone isn’t an excuse to live like a slob. Sure, no one is nagging you about the mess, but you’ll probably want to have company over sometime. The last thing you want is for your date to run away the second you open the door or dump you after she gets a look at the state of your bathroom. Keeping your place clean doesn’t require a lot of extra work on your part, if you form good daily habits.

Make the bed every morning after you get up. It takes less than a minute and, according to Psychology Today, it makes people happier. Wipe out the sink after you shave, wash your face, and brush your teeth each morning. Get a daily shower cleaner than you spray in the tub after your shower. You can leave the dishes in the sink until the end of the day to save water and energy.

Secure Your Stuff

Get in the habit of locking the door and using a chain lock whenever you’re in house. Remember to lock the doors and windows when you head out, too. An alarm system can also keep your new place secure. Home alarm systems, according to www.SecurityCompanies.com, do more than protect against break-ins. They can also help detect threats from fire, flooding, freezing and carbon monoxide.

Add Some Fun

It’s time to make your new place reflect your personality and style, through decor and the features you choose. If you love to watch the game, create a sports zone in your new pad with a big television and a comfortable reclining chair.

Even small touches can make your place your own. If you love art, look for real paintings rather than prints. Work by a local artist or an up-and-comer can be affordable and distinctive. You can also choose to embrace your inner kid and set up a fun toy, such as a race car track or train set in your living room or a ping-pong table where most people would have a dining table.

 

Author bio: Terrence is happy as long as he’s writing about, talking about or playing games. He was the first kid on his street to have an Atari, which he still plays.

The BSG Sells Out (2)

So if you saw the BSG’s last post you know that the BSG was a recent sell out. A nice lady at a nice company emailed the BSG about trying out a product called Rounderbum Gluteal Shaper from Rounderwear.  Yep. Rounderbum as in “rounder bum” as in your bum will be rounder than before donning the gluteal shaper, as in ass enhancing underwear.

Yep. The BSG, in the service of consumer research, put on a pair of ass-padded underwear solely so he could write about the experience.

Firstly, you may be asking yourself “Why, BSG! Why would you do this borderline creepy thing! We thought you had MORALS!” Well it turns out the BSGs morals can easily include padded underwear. By the way, the BSG wants to point out that ‘front padded’ underwear was an option, but he wasn’t sure how he was going to explain that to his grandmother so he went with the much more demure ass padding.

Now it seems important to point out that the nice men modeling their Gluteal Shapers have little in common with the BSG with the exception (he assumes) of a penis. Otherwise, the BSG feels compelled to point out that he may not be the Rounderbum people’s target audience. In face, when compared to the zero-body-fat-six-packed-gentleman on the cover of the box (below), the BSG’s current un-enhanced ass might actually be called sufficient. Or perhaps already somewhat padded by nature and age. The BSG isn’t saying that he has a fat ass exactly, but seriously, look at this guy! The BSG thinks he would likely have been able to get a date even without the additional gluteal shaping, but hey…every little bit counts, right?

Because that’s what we’re talking about here, isn’t it? Why would one wear an enhanced undergarment? Why, in the 1980’s, did women’s fashion feature shoulder pads (seriously…WHY?)? Because someone at some point decides that it will result in increased attractiveness and increased attractiveness means that strangers on the street will want to date the BSG (and, theoretically, the shoulder-padded women from the 1980’s). And when we say “date” the BSG, what we mean…in the evolutionary sense of the word…is that someone will want to get into the BSG’s pants. His padded, gluteal enhanced pants.

So yes, the BSG put on padded underwear to see if it increased his confidence and even better…increased the number of people who came up to him on the street and smiled, leered, or propositioned him. What could possibly go wrong? Stay tuned….