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Shared Refrigerators and Other Horrors

June 25th, 2008 | No Comments | Posted in Stay Or Go?

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I have been dating my sweetie for 2 years now and have avoided “The Chat”. My last relationship went down hill after we had The Chat. I later realized that was for the better. The first year my sweetie and I were together he said he just wanted to “enjoy life right now”. So we have been just living life and enjoying being with each other.  He owns his own condo and he decided it is too small to co-habitate there. Personally, I agree. He would resent my stuff. We would have to buy a new place, where we could combine our stuff. But, I am a girl and want a more permanent relationship.  What are your thoughts on the infamous chat after 2 years?  How do I bring it up? Should I just wait for him to bring it up? Thanks for your help.  I am glad I found somewhere that has a Bitter Single Guy point of view. ~Feeling Chatty~

Dear FC: The Bitter Single Guy cringed openly when he read your letter. The BSG assumes by “The Chat” you mean marriage, or at least living together, yes?  (the BSG supposes that there are other Chats that include real estate decision-making, but he can’t think of any right now).  It’s not that the BSG fears commitment exactly, it’s just that the living-together-marriage-thang has so much extra baggage besides ‘happily ever after’. What about tuna salad, FC, huh?  What about THAT? (The BSG has just now realized that he hasn’t written his tuna salad rant yet, although it’s been in his head for some time. Coming soon)

It is with a heavy heart and deep empathy for your Sweetie, that the BSG provides this advice.  FC if the measure of a successful relationship for YOU is one that ends in marriage (the BSG uses the word “ends” deliberately), then you need to have The Chat. Because you wrote to the BSG, he assumes this is becoming more of a concern for you now that the magic two-year mark has been passed.  Here is the BSG’s recommendation, though.  Rather than stating your expectations and having your then-suddenly-freaked-0ut Sweetie respond to your demands, take a more delicate route.

Ask your Sweetie what his thoughts are about marriage or living together in general. Finding out his thoughts on the topic will tip your hand, but won’t (hopefully) send him scurrying like a scared bunny. But you know what the BSG is going to tell you now…if you need marriage or co-habitation and your Sweetie doesn’t, then you’re doomed.

But the BSG wouldn’t be who he was if he didn’t offer this one additional point, FC.  When is the last time you re-defined your own definition of a successful relationship? Is co-habitation or marriage really required? Is it about babies? Is it about parental or societal pressure? The BSG challenges you to think critically about your own motivations and if it’s simply “this is what’s supposed to happen” then the BSG recommends you find someone else who believes that the only path to happiness is a shared refrigerator.

Good luck to you and your Sweetie.

~BSG~

What are the rules, BSG?

June 20th, 2008 | No Comments | Posted in Tips For Love

Hey BSG,
I sent you an email about a girl I met just a month or so ago, but I realized I’m not sure how this works. I was wondering, in case you didnt see my email yet or what, if you could tell me how this works. Do I send you something and you eventually write back to my address, or what? I have a more detailed account of my situation Id like to send you but I would like ot make sure Im doing this all right, and that eveything is confidential. Can you give me more idea of who you are? Thanks, TDB

 Dear TDB: The Bitter Single Guy always appreciates his persistent readers!  The way it works is that the BSG receives more letters than he can possible answer (short of asking his faithful readers to help him pay his rent, and the BSG would never do that), so letters are chosen based on interesting-ness, brevity (if it takes a long time to read, the BSG will find a shorter letter), and how much all his readers would benefit from the response. 

All that aside, because you were persistent TBD, the BSG will dig through his email and find your letter so he can provide you a response within 24 hours of this posting (how’s that for service, eh?).

As far as providing more of an idea who the Bitter Single Guy is, isn’t it enough to know that there’s a little bit of Bitter Single Guy in all of us?  :-)

BSG

Private Kissing Only, Please

June 9th, 2008 | No Comments | Posted in Random Crap

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I’ve been dating this guy for about two months now. He’s sweet, funny, attractive, and just amazing. Except for one thing. He’s very into public displays of affection. I don’t have a problem with the little things, like holding hands, etc., but I can’t kiss him. Every time he goes in for it, I just freak out. I’m absolutely incapable of kissing this guy. I know it’s because of a guy I used to date who left me because I wasn’t “up-to-standard” enough. I know I like the guy I’m with now, and that I’d be willing to do anything for him, if it means trying to learn how to be a good kisser for him. Where do I learn how to do that? ~ Kiss-O-Phobic

Dear KOP: The Bitter Single Guy needs some clarity on your issue (on many things, really, but let’s start with you).  Do you need help learhning how to be a good kisser, or some help learning how to be a good in-public kisser? Learning to be a good kisser is goal the BSG thinks everyone should have. As a younger person, the BSG would practice on his pressed together index and middle finger.  This was a somewhat dry practice environment, so the BSG is still somewhat thrown off by wet-kissers (you all know who you are).

But KOP, it doesn’t sound as if you’re looking for skill as a kisser in general, but that you want to learn how to kiss in public.  This is a totally different goal, but one that’s completely do-able. The BSG recommends the ever-popular Systematic Desensitization technique.  Using this technique, the BSG thinks you should tell your amazing new boyfriend that he can kiss on you the hand sometimes in public.  This is easy…as you’re holding hands, Amazing Boyfriend will simply lift your hand to his lips, and deliver a soft kiss to your knuckles.  Your task will be to avoid tensing up so you don’t, in essence, punch him in the lip. Over time, your aversion to hand-kissing should diminish and you can give Amazing Boyfriend access to your cheek for an occasional quick peck in public.  Similarly, your task will be to experience this enough times to relax into it.  Finally, after much gentle encouragement you will eventually be able to share a chaste little kiss in public sometimes (the BSG warns against becoming so comfortable that you find yourself counting his molars with your tongue…that’s just tacky).

Of course, this all assumes a long and productive relationship where you can expect him to be patient enough to work through your phobias with you. While the BSG doesn’t doubt for a minute that you’re worth it, KOP, Amazing Boyfriend may not have patience for your phobia, in which case you should prepare to be silently bitter for the entirety of your relationship.

Torn Between Two

June 6th, 2008 | 1 Comment | Posted in I'm A Tool

Dear Bitter Single Guy: So here’s the deal, awhile back I became utterly and totally infatuated with this girl. Everyone said she liked me and the way she acted it seemed like she did. So I decided to take the next step. I first asked her father if I could date her thinking it was the proper thing. After a month or so of waiting I finally got an answer, he said yes!  So I then went and asked the girl out, she said she didn’t want to date at that time. So I said I would wait. After months of waiting I was growing impatient, all my friends and her friends were telling me she didn’t like me anymore and to move on. After awhile I decided they were right and did move on. A couple months later I asked another girl out and she said yes although I have to wait till she is sixteen.  

This weekend while on a trip with the first girls family I found out the girl still likes me, I still have a lot of feelings for her as well, more so then the second girl, although I do like the second girl. Now I feel stuck. I know I dug myself into this, but I don’t know what to do. I like the first girl more I think, but I feel committed to the second girl and don’t want to break her heart or ruin a friendship. What do I do!!?? — Want to Do What’s Right

Dear WDWR: The Bitter Single Guy is going to assume from your email that you’re one of his younger readers. Otherwise, as the BSG hears that you’re waiting for Girl #2 to turn 16, he has to assume that you live a very different lifestyle than most of the BSG’s readers.  For the sake of this not feeling creepy, the BSG will assume that you are young-ish.

To your problem, WDWR. There isn’t any way for you to get what you want without pissing someone off.  There, the BSG said what you have suspected and feared, but frankly someone had to say it. The way the BSG sees it there are two choices:

1. You have asked Girl #2 out, but have to wait until she’s 16 for the actual date to happen, yes?  So if you haven’t gone out with her yet, you have a tiny window of opportunity to back out on your invitation to her without being a huge jerk.  Rest assured that you will BE a jerk…just not as huge as if you dumped her after going out with her.

2. Have a moment of sadness for missing your chance with Girl #1 and go out with Girl #2 as planned. 

WDWR, the BSG is going to strongly recommend option 2 here. There is a chance, of course, that you will preemtively dump Girl #2 and will be deliriously happy with Girl #1 through the ENTIRE school year, but the BSG suspects that it’s much more likely that you’ll piss off Girl #2 and that Girl #1 (who has already been somewhat wishy-washy) will decide that maybe she’s not ready yet either and FURTHER that she’s actually BFF’s with Girl #2 and that she CAN’T believe you would do a think like that to her BFF and she hopes you drop dead.

In this scenario, you’ll have no date and will be known through your entire class as a bit of a dirt bag. By the way, WDWR, whatever you decide, the BSG recommends keeping notes of the experience because he PROMISES you’ll be back in this scenario again.

~BSG

Welcome to the 21st Century, BSG

June 1st, 2008 | No Comments | Posted in Random Crap

Here it is, Dear Readers…The Bitter Single Guy’s Relationship Advice in a blog! The BSG has gone to great lengths to make it possible for you, his dear readers, to comment the BSG’s advice (and on the problems your fellow readers bring to him).

 Be patient with the BSG, he’s still getting the hang of this, but it’s fun!

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