Dear Bitter Single Guy: I have been seeing this woman for almost a month now. She is a very traditional, quiet woman. She rarely ever calls, and I am the one who sets up all of the dates. The dates have been fun, but she has not opened up to me. I guess I just feel like I’m doing all of the work here, which was cool for the a few weeks, but now it’s becoming a problem for 2 reasons: 1) It’s hard for me to get close to someone who does not let me know how they feel. 2) I really don’t wanna waste time here. How do I handle this? Do I open up a little more, which triggers her opening up more? Or, ask her how she feels about everything? Please help. I truly like this girl, but feel like we’ve been in limbo. ~Dating a Closed Book~
Dear DCB: The Bitter Single Guy wants all his readers to pay attention to your letter. There are those folks out there who believe that it will always be a woman wishing that a man were more forthcoming with his feelings. Your example DCB, enlightened relationship-focused man that you are, shows that we’re all a little more alike than we are different.
DCB, the BSG thinks that a month really isn’t long enough to decide that you’re wasting your time in this relationship. The BSG has a jar of mayonnaise that’s significantly older than your relationship. (and oddly, the mayonnaise also doesn’t talk about what IT wants. Hmmm.) Give your Reluctant Rose a little time to warm up to you. It also couldn’t hurt to continue to encourage her to share. The BSG recommends asking her about fun things in her childhood; that should be a relatively safely intimate conversation.
For the ownership of the dating ‘vehicle’ if you will (the calling, the organizing dates, etc.) the BSG recommends a straightforward, staged approach. You should schedule the next date, but let her know that the activity gets to be whatever she wants. If Reluctant Rose isn’t used to being the organizer, it may take her a few tries to get the hang of this.
Overall, the BSG doesn’t recommend pulling the plug until at least the three-month mark if you’re still not getting anything. But it’s the BSG’s guess that Reluctant Rose doesn’t even know that these are needs of yours…tell her, for heaven’s sake.