The Bitter Single Guy’s Relationship Advice

When Prison Romance Goes Bad

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I just got a question, i met a guy , yes he was in prison, and while there, we were intimate, we were in this relationship for 1 1/2 years, till he got home, and he had me get on the pill and within a month, I was pregnant… my doctor typed out a letter stating they put me on the wrong b/c and that even with a stronger pill my body wasn’t making a hormone so I would have gotten pregnant either even if I was on a stronger pill. My boyfriend begged me to have an abortion, and told me I had trapped him into marrying me which I don’t get because he had already told me and my 5 kids, we were  going to get married, while he was in prison, and even before I got pregnant, he said I was too clingy, needy and insecure, and I was and have been, I had been on bed rest for the first half of my pregnancy and the doctors kept telling me I was gonna lose the baby, because I had a tear in my placenta, they had to put me on hormones that would thicken the lining of my uterus, it was the same hormone, my body wasn’t making, anyhow I was needy and clingy, I have no family in this state, and the pregnancy was stressful, he would come down twice a month just for sex but I didn’t know it…of course I didn’t know it…the day of my daughter blessing he left to be with his girlfriend I didn’t even know he had one.  I didn’t want to have sex but he told me that because we loved each other god wouldn’t be mad at us, for making love and that he was gonna marry me in 18 months, because he needed to get things straits before he took on the responsibility of a wife and 5 kids, and I believed him, I really don’t understand what happened, and its hard to look at my baby and know that she really doesn’t have a dad, he hasn’t seen her in 3 months and only 14 times during this first year…can a man hate me so much for not aborting a baby, wasn’t the right thing, to keep the baby it wasn’t her fault or my fault I got pregnant…and had he not lied to begin with i wouldn’t have gotten pregnant…he doesn’t pay child support!  I bought her everything she has and has needed…what the heck! ~What Now?~

Dear WN: The Bitter Single Guy barely knows where to start, there’s SO much going on in this little train-wreck you’ve mapped out for him.

• First, go down to the courthouse and file for your lovely daughter’s deadbeat dad to start paying you some child support. Whether he wanted to have a daughter or not, he does…and the law says that if you play, you pay.
• Second, don’t…DON’T have sex with this man again. He told you God said it would be OK? Really? The BSG can’t believe the lines some will use. DON’T have sex with this man again, WN.
• Third, if you already had 5 kids and your lovely daughter makes six, please talk to your doctor about how you can have healthy sexual relationships without bringing more babies into the world. At a minimum, carry condoms with you. Gracious, WN.
• Finally, the BSG questions your ability to choose the right man and he strongly recommends you stay away from ANY relationship until you get better at picking them. 

Oh and, the BSG won’t beat you up for getting wrapped up with someone in prison…there are gems in all sorts of places that we don’t think about. The BSG DOES question your judgment in all of this, though.  Good luck, WN. ~BSG~

Advice to the Advice Guy

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I’m the kind of guy everyone comes to for advice, and I love helping people with their problems, and for the most part I’m successful at it.  My problem is that I can’t take my own advice and wont even listen to myself sometimes.  I’ve gotten myself in to a situation.  I met and started a relationship with a wonderful girl a couple years ago but she ended up going to school over 8 hours away and we decided that it would be best to not try and make a long distance relationship work.  We went separate ways, had new relationships and blah blah blah.  But then we ended up reconnecting for a few weeks this summer and it was absolutely spectacular  and we both agreed that we were in love but logistics and distance were going to keep us apart. 

Now that school is in full swing I still think about her all the time but found myself starting a relationship with an ex to pretty much fill the void, I feel it’s because I’m insecure and am afraid that she’s doing the same thing and I don’t want to be the one missing out, even though she reassures me constantly that she loves me and isn’t interested in anything else.  I need a push one way or the other and I know exactly what I would say to some one coming to me with the same problem, but being the advice guy is pretty lonely, no ones got any help for you. ~Advice Guy Needs Advice~

Dear AGNA: The Bitter Single totally understands that sometimes we have to go outside ourselves to learn what we already knew.  That’s why consultants are still around, right?

The good news AGNA (from the BSG’s perspective) is that this isn’t really easy, so you’re not avoiding something obvious.  Loving someone who is 8 hours away is frustrating as hell and there is bound to be tons of jealousy and similar drama.  The BSG believes your original decision to separate while your Tantalizing Tulip was in school was the right one. Yay for brief, intense, wonderful encounters, but they’re no way to live.

Call Tantalizing Tulip and have the ‘we’re in love, but have to wait until we’re also in the same ZIP code’ conversation. It will be tough, but you’ll both be glad for it. ~BSG~

The BSG has Fans!

The Bitter Single Guy is always amazed by how his readers…from all over the world…sometimes get in the same groove.  In a three day period, the BSG received three separate bits of fan mail that he shares with you here (with some comments in italics).

Dear Bitter Single Guy: You give great advice!  I hope you are making some money off this gig, or if not, someone out there needs to wise up and hire you for a newspaper or something. Just thank you for writing ~A Fan~

The BSG used to be in print and gave it up. Although he did make a minor pittance, it wasn’t worth having non-love professionals edit his work. That said, if any editors are reading, the BSG would LOVE to talk about getting into print again. Truth is, the BSG was dumped due to budget cuts (sigh).

Hi BSG! So i got to your blog-website-y by googling so romantic questions. Didn’t find the answer to mine, but I just love the answers, the questions, the format. Rock on! Thank you!!

Interesting this reader didn’t actually send her/his question, but was apparently inspired by other people’s drama. The BSG loves that.

Hey bitter single guy! Love your advice! I love reading your blog. Just some Fan Mail!

This, like the others, just warms the BSG’s heart! Just a little note to make him feel special. (sigh)

How Do I Get Advice?

This is a month or so old, but the BSG is re-posting just in case anyone needs a hint. ~BSG~

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I’d love to post and get your advice on my relationship problem but I’m not sure how to.  Can you help me out.  Thanks. ~Show Me The Way~

Dear SMTW:  In order to get advice from the Bitter Single Guy, you contact him through the “Email BSG” tab just like you did here. Because the BSG gets so many letters, it’s not possible to reply to them all, but he tries to get to as many as his schedule will allow.  What you can do on your own though, is comment on other letters!

The BSG has only recently converted his website to a blog format and no one has commented on posts yet, so he’s not sure how to tell you to do it (the BSG is somewhat tech-ignorant), except that registering is necessary. This is simply to avoid evil spammers…the BSG isn’t using registrant information for anything and doesn’t plan to. 

If you (any of you) try to comment on a posting and can’t, please let the BSG know so he can get someone more Blog-savvy to help him out. The BSG converted to a blog format solely so his readers could join the conversation! You could be the first, SMTW. Thanks for reading.

BitterSingleGuy

Dumped by Spineless Boy

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I am a 25 year old young professional.  Yesterday, the 27 year old man I had been dating  for two months dumped me in a four-sentence e-mail. Just two days prior, I met his sister and brother in law for the first time and we shared a wonderful dinner with all of their friends.  His reason for ending the relationship?  My personality was too similar to his sister’s and it made him feel “strange.”  He said that while she is (and I am) a good person, it wasn’t what he was looking for.  He refuses to discuss this in person and I am having a tough time as a result.  I need a better understanding of why he would choose to break up with me by e-mail and why for those reasons?  It just doesn’t make sense to me.  It hurts.  Thank you in advance for your reply. ~Dumped by Email~

Dear DBE: The Bitter Single Guy is so sad for you!  He can see from your letter that you’re upset and he wishes he could give you a safe platonic hug and pat you gently on the shoulder blade (pat pat pat).

DBE, this is no easier than you think. He dumped you with a 4 line email because he’s spineless.  Yes, the BSG knows that there are probably tons of good reasons in his head for this behavior, but you, the your best friend, and the BSG all know that it’s because he’s spineless.

If Spineless Boy can’t emotionally separate you from his sister, the BSG recommends he get some professional support.  The only good news here DBE, is that you have tons more rights in this breakup than he does.  The fact that a supposed adult dumped you by email lets you be openly contemptuous about him for at least two months (equal to the time you were together…those are the rules).  Before that, the BSG recommends feeling sorry for yourself in self-comforting ways. This could include pints of premium ice cream, macaroni and cheese, or bad movies, and certainly it involves wearing frumpy sweat-clothes and not combing your hair for a whole day if you want. 

But immediately following all that, you need to take a deep breath, stop beating yourself up for picking such a loser, and move on. After two months, when anyone wants to know what happened, just roll your eyes and chuckle. This will enforce the (appropriate) feeling that you’re superior to Spineless Boy.

~BSG~