The Bitter Single Guy’s Relationship Advice

Newbie Doesn’t Know the Rules

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I’m in my first real serious relationship and I’m not exactly used to it. My girlfriend and I met 6 months ago and hooked up immediately and quickly got close. We both have been through a lot lately and I feel a lot for her and I know she cares a lot for me. Things have been pretty stressful with money and work and not having enough time together which is normal but I’m constantly feeling like we are spreading apart emotionally and physically and I don’t know exactly what to do. She is a waitress and I know she gets hit on a lot and I try to not be jealous or bitter about that but I worry that part of the reason we are becoming more distant has part to do with her maybe liking someone else, or if not someone else specifically than at least the idea of having someone better. I have asked her before about that and I learned quickly that was a bad idea. She feels now that I don’t trust her and that does cause lots of the arguments we have. Now I don’t ask her about other people because I don’t want her to see me as being some jealous Jerk but I still have worries about it I now just keep it all in so as not to “Rock the Boat” so to speak. I never thought I would care about someone as I do my girl but now I do and I’m terrified for some unknown reason that I will lose her eventually. I wondered if my worrying is what is causing us to become more distant. BSG what do u think about my situation? Is there something I could do to bring us closer together? What’s the deal? ~Unwillingly Jealous~

Dear UJ: The Bitter Single Guy is pleased to have the chance to counsel you on this, the occasion of your first relationship!  There is so little good guidance for newbies. Sadly, much of it isn’t going to sooth your troubled mind, but the BSG knows you appreciate him for his honestly, not his cuddliness.  The BSG will try to hit your major points one by one:

• You argue about money: Yes, of course you do. Get used to it; you will argue about money with SOMEone until you’re dead.
• You don’t have enough time together: Of course you don’t. Couples rarely perceive that they have enough time together…life takes up time.  School, work, friends, hobbies, all the things that are enriching in your life in ADDITION to your Delectable Daffodil, will get in the way of quality Daffodil time.
• You’re separating emotionally and physically: You’re six months in UJ, the nature of your relationship is going to shift. Either you’ll shift with it or…(see the next bullet)
• You are afraid of losing her: Of COURSE you’ll lose her! And she’ll lose you!  It’s just a matter of whether you lose her before you want to. If you lose her before you want to, you will have been dumped (tragic circumstances aside).  If she loses you before she wants to, you’ll be the dumper and she the dumpee.
• She’s a waitress and gets hit on a lot: In addition to the raw sexual attraction of the service sector (the BSG was himself a waiter and knows), once you and your Delectable Daffodil are in a relationship, you automatically become more attractive to single people. The BSG doesn’t know what it is that makes partnered people so darned yummy-seeming, but it’s true. There will always be distractions and temptations, get used to it.
• You’re finding yourself to be jealous: This is also normal. Trusting your BF or GF is all about walking the fine line of caring/not caring. The BSG could say more, but it would take days. Just know that jealous feelings are normal, but can take you over.
• You’re holding things in, instead of talking to your Delectable Daffodil: Gracious, the BSG doesn’t think that sounds fun AT ALL! Take a look at a can of spray paint and read what it says about contents under pressure and the danger of punctures.  That’s you, UJ.
• You want the two of you to be closer: Good luck with that UJ.  This is the goal of anyone who feels a relationship slipping through his or her hands, but it rarely works out like in the movies. Frankly, 6 months is pretty good for your first relationship. If it fades away, think about what you want to do differently next time.

Welcome to dating!  Isn’t it FUN?!  Yeah, the BSG doesn’t think so either.

Guarding Against Possible Bunny Boilers

Dear Bitter Single Guy: Just a week ago I ended an on again off again relationship that has taken up three years of my life.  She has done some really terrible things during this time that I just really couldn’t believe so therefore began to really think I was crazy.  I began seeing a counselor who after months of work on me which went very well.  Announced to me that my girlfriend was a sociopath.  Once I began reading about this condition I quickly determined that he was right and light bulbs went off prompting me to end the relationship.

She lives in another city and upon ending the relationship she drove the five hours to my house begging for a chance to talk to me.  I refused… Even going as far as avoiding going home most of the weekend.  I did meet with her in a public location on Saturday of the weekend to discuss things.  And held strong that I was doing the best thing for me.

Since then she calls all the time.  Emails all the time.  And the lies and manipulation keep coming.  Today she announces via email that she is quitting her job and moving to my city.  (Bringing her five year old son with.)  She lays out a plan that over the next couple months will end with her living blocks away instead of hours.

How do I get a sociopath to realize that it is over for good? ~Scared for my Rabbit’s Life~

Dear SRL: The Bitter Single Guy has a simple direction for you: restraining order. The BSG isn’t sure how he feels about your counselor diagnosing this delicate flower as a sociopath when he hasn’t met her, but that’s just icing on the cake.

If you’ve been clear about your boundaries…and make SURE you’re clear about your boundaries, SRL…let this Delicate Flower know that you don’t want contact with her and that if she doesn’t abide by your request you will seek a restraining order (called different things in different states…called an Order of Protection in AZ for example).

Then…if she continues…get the order. The BSG also recommends you keep your counselor in the loop on anyone new that you meet since these patterns sometimes repeat themselves.

~BSG~