Dear Bitter Single Guy: The issue I have with him is porn. Not the fact that he looks at it on the internet, but the fact that he denies it. Way back, when we first were talking he specifically made a comment to me about masturbating once or twice a day. A few months later when we became more serious I made a comment about it and he totally denied it. Not denying that he said it, but that it was still the case; that he does so 1 or 2 times a day. Silly. After we moved in together I was able to figure out that he has a schedule. He wakes up a few hours after I leave for work, checks his email, checks a couple of websites, then hits the porn. Usually he only does it once a day but sometimes twice. What do you know, just like he had told me before. I’ve told him I don’t care, I just don’t want to be lied to. He still tells me he doesn’t lie to me. I don’t know anyone who looks at porn for 30+ minutes and doesn’t masturbate. No matter what I tell myself. Do tell him to go over his browsing history with me (he doesn’t delete it) so I can at least get a freakin answer here or do I just make more attempts at not letting it get to me which so far have just made me more bitter. ~Caught Him Redhanded~
Dear CHR: The Bitter Single Guy usually doesn’t answer sexual questions because frankly, they creep him out a little. He felt like he had to step up to your question though, and to come to your Randy Romeo’s defense somewhat.
It seems CHR, that you’ve got a good 21st century handle on the fact that most (probably all) guys masturbate and (the BSG hears) a good number of girls, too. That said, the BSG would also say that most folks still consider it to be a pretty private experience and not one that should be shared in polite company.
If you’re so OK with Randy Romeo rubbing one off to some innocent porn, what are you so worked up about? You say that you can’t stand being lied to, but the BSG suspects that there is something else lurking here. Is Randy Romeo “giving it up” to the online babes and not saving any for you? If your sex life is suffering because Randy Romeo isn’t “up to the challenge” due to his daily solo battles, then the BSG thinks you have a definite argument.
Otherwise the BSG thinks you’re coming off a bit schoolmarm-ish. Really, CHR…you “don’t mind, you just don’t want to be lied to”? That sounds like something someone’s domineering mom would say as she talked through her teenaged son’s bedroom door about his afternoon “personal time”.
Perhaps the BSG has defensiveness about his own “personal time”, but as long as the physical part of your relationship is all-systems-go, he thinks you’re the one with the issue here, not Randy Romeo. If you are actually creeped out a little by the thought of him beating off to porn, then address that as the real concern; but let go of this “I just want him to tell the truth” crap. ~BSG~