The Bitter Single Guy’s Relationship Advice

He Covers All the Bases

Dear Bitter Single Guy: here are the specs in a nutshell. I am 26, well rounded with brawn, brain, talent and youthful looks. I’m a broke college student, but I’m persistent and slowly making it. Having a hard time finding girls interested who are not my friends, fat or old or all of the above.

Most of the time I get by with personality, but I’m starting to wonder if mother nature is right about hot young females choosing the older bucks who are capable of providing more for their young and the short young bucks tend to get overlooked and abandoned through society, will I have to conquer a small country to be noticed by a girl I actually like? Lay it on me BSG ~Really Short Jewish Man~

Dear RSJM: The Bitter Single Guy is proud of your practical approach to finding what’s missing. Frankly; with brawn, brains, talent and youthfulness, the BSG wonders why the dames aren’t just falling down around your feet.   What you didn’t mention is what you’re doing to find these non-friend, non-fat, non-old chicks?

*Side note: the BSG will address the old and fat points momentarily. Please stand by*

RSJM, are you trying online dating? In sales language, we refer to that as “filling your pipeline” (which made some of you instantly think of something else to which the BSG says “ewwww”). Dating online can, as we all know, be soul-crushing; but if you’ve got the goods (and RSJM a confident attitude is a necessary component that you seem to have), then you should get out there.

Other than getting out there and looking rather than waiting for love to knock on your door, the BSG recommends finding creative outlets for all your brawn and brains. Get a hobby, join a club, take up some athletic endeavor…whatever it is, find a group that is interested in the same kind of activity. You’ll end up meeting all kinds of like-minded folks.

Additionally RSJM, if you’re being passed over by girls who are falling for older bucks, then the good news is that you’ll age into view for the girls you’re most attracted to.

By the way RSJM, the BSG warns you to be careful. The Universe listens to folks trying to avoid old, fat, (or whatever) folks and if you’re not careful you’ll find yourself falling hard for a portly 50 year-old. If that happens well then Mazal Tov. ~BSG~

Master Manipulator?

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I wrote to you about a month ago about the boy that I broke up with because I thought he was emotionally unavailable.  Well come to find out that he told a friend about how much he missed me and that he really messed up.  So a week ago, we saw the other and yes, we did the sex-with-the-ex thing. 

But when I tried to talk to him about getting back together, he had an excuse for everything and a reasons why we shouldn’t (police academy, living farther away, graveyards blah blah…) Why would he say that if he didn’t want to get back together?  Did I just get played? ~I’ve Been Manipulated~

Dear IBM: Yes, you’ve been played. Or more specifically, your Distraught Dude is opportunistic enough that when the offer of some nookie presented itself, he jumped on it (metaphorically speaking) without thought to what it meant for your former relationship.

It’s good that Distraught Dude is realizing that he messed up and good also that he’s telling his friends about it. But until he tells you, it doesn’t really count as anything. By the way, the BSG really hopes that you write back and tell all of us a little more about graveyards as an impediment to getting back together (unless it’s creepy, of course). ~BSG~

Getting Over It

Dear Bitter Single Guy: My BF of a year and a few months and I lived together and we had an argument over something he lied to me about. So things were rocky for 2 months. I agreed to let it go and work to move past it which we were for a month, and things were okay.

I started to feel he was becoming a little distant so I asked him what was up.  He said he didn’t want to leave, but wasn’t sure if he wanted to stay and was basically unsure about his feelings for me anymore.  He doesn’t feel I was making a genuine effort to get past our issues, which I was.

I told him I didn’t want to end this, but he said he needed to because he was unsure of what he was feeling.  My question is: What is this? Is it really over?  What is “space” when guys say they need it?  Sounds like BS to me?  Help!!! ~Don’t Have Space~

Dear DHS: Hmmm…the Bitter Single Guy admits that he is usually (as you all know) a fan of pulling the plug when it seems that there is no life left in a relationship, but one tiny point in your letter is making him re-think a little. You say that your Reluctant Romeo doesn’t believe you were making an effort to get past the lie.

The BSG believes that getting past a relationship problem whether lying, cheating, or putting empty juice cartons back in the fridge, is a different process for everyone. Stay with the BSG here DHS, he promises this is relevant.

The BSG has been accused in the past of being very literal. Oddly, the BSG welcomes this accusation because he believes that his literal-ness is one of his best qualities.  One result of this literal world view is that the BSG has a limited ability to feel bad when he screws up. His usual approach is to determine what he should have done differently, decide why he didn’t do it that way in the first place, make the correction and move on.

But on occasion, the BSG has been involved with someone who needed him to just feel bad and be sorry for an extended period of time. This has resulted in further conflict.

Reading your letter, the BSG wonders if you are subtly punishing Reluctant Romeo for the lie that you have apparently moved past? Perhaps there are subtle ways that you indicate that he can’t be trusted, or that he’ll lie again? Any of these behaviors are likely to make Reluctant Romeo feel like he’s fighting an uphill battle that he can’t win.

It’s also important for the BSG to say that none of this may be true at all. Maybe your Reluctant Romeo has just had enough and your relationship has run its course. So the BSG’s musings aside, if Reluctant Romeo needs “space”, isn’t sure he wants to stay and isn’t sure of his feelings for you then you’re probably being subtly dumped (the BSG wants his readers and their B/GF’s to start taking more responsibility for breakups when they’re imminent, darnit).

If this is unrecoverable, the BSG says step up and dump him.  But the BSG also hopes you think about whether you were REALLY over the lie, or if you were punishing him. ~BSG~

Signals: Mixed, not Stirred

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I recently started dating this guy…I am a tall girl and he is a little bit shorter than me which always seems to pose some threat to men.  We have been dating three weeks and I really like him, but he continually tells me that I’m not the usual type he goes for; but he isn’t mine either. 

When we were just talking like on the phone and/or texting we had a real connection but yesterday he said that he wasn’t sure if we had a connection.  He confuses me, I mean I know he loves to hang out with me especially since every time after we hangout he text or calls about how much fun he had and how happy he was to see me. 

I am so confused with him…I mean it seems like he really likes me but I def don’t want to hear about other girls thinking he is hot…maybe he just wants to make me think he is wanted and that I am lucky to be with him or something like that.  What do I do about all these mixed signals…I hate games and don’t like when guys play them. ~Getting Mixed Signals~

Dear GMS: Where did you find this gem? He’s told you you’re not his type, told you that you don’t think there’s a connection, and tells you how hot other girls think he is?

The reason he’s sending you mixed signals is that he doesn’t have the cojones to actually shit or get off the pot (look that reference up…it’s relevant, the BSG swears). He’s hoping that you’ll dump him because that’s much easier than taking responsibility for himself. Give him what he wants, GMS. Dump his sorry ass until he can figure out how to tell you that he feels a connection with you, he hopes you think he’s hot, and you’re his new type. ~BSG~

Get a Lawyer and a Therapist. Now.

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I have had two really serious relationships in my life. The kind that you are certain will last for life. There were plenty of others but whose two were certainly different. They both got married this summer (not to each other) and that drove me to some great depressions and drinking.

I was put into rehab and finished with great success. There is a comeback group that visits the hospital weekly to talk to current patients about treatment and what life is like afterwards. This is where I met a wonderful woman. When she got out we started hanging out more and more. It started as support and then one night led to a lot more. Two days later her roommate found her cutting herself in an apparent suicide attempt.

This scared me so much that I constantly make myself available to her so that she doesn’t do it again.

Now, she can’t find a job anywhere and has started working as a stripper. I have taken her all around town many times to find something else but no one seems to be hiring. At first she had great anxiety and depression dealing with this new occupation. It completely consumed her. For an hour or two before and after work she isn’t really there, you know? Just a lost soul it seems. She is becoming destroyed.  I can’t convince her to not do it because she has to work.

To make matters worse, she now is pregnant. She swears it has to be mine and I’ve made it very clear to her that we will have to get a paternity test if she decides to keep it. I have expressed nothing but complete support for her no matter what she decides.  She would want to get married if she were to keep it. I am open to that idea if she is willing to sign a very extensive prenuptial. And she said that she was totally for that.

I have the gut feeling that nothing good can come from any of this but she continues to agree and re-assure me on every precaution that I can take. Right?

I figure I only have two ways to go?

1. I could just fuck it all and run. If she proves paternity then I will pay child support and likely have to take over custody if she doesn’t change her path. Looking out for number one? This seems to be the smarter less compassionate approach that will only leave me with MASSIVE regret if the worst happens.
2. Or keep the status quo? Using more of my heart than my brain. Stick with it until she decides. If she keeps it then I’ll cross that bridge. If she doesn’t then… I just don’t know.

Advice? ~Up The Creek~

Dear UTC: The Bitter Single Guy, as a non-therapist who writes exclusively for entertainment, usually stays away from letters like yours because frankly it’s messy territory. That said, the BSG can’t leave you hanging.

Dude, Option #3 is that you need a therapist and a lawyer.

NOW.

Your girlfriend also needs a therapist and the BSG is surprised that whoever is managing this comeback program is supportive of your involvement together. You have blurred the lines between a romantic relationship and caretaker and recovery from that is problematic.

Because the BSG is neither a therapist nor a lawyer he’ll refrain from telling you that in your situation you should have avoided new involvements at all costs. Really UTC…a therapist and a lawyer. Now. ~BSG~