Dear Bitter Single Guy: I probably know the answer to this one, but I guess I need a bit of BSG honesty here.
I met this colleague like 4 months ago. He’s been super nice all the way, but I always had the gut feeling he’s gay – mind you, other people think the same – he talks about cute boys, and even told us about a gay dream he had… anyways, we’ve been out many times -sometimes with friends of his and lately on our own. I think I like him, but I was afraid of him being gay or bi, I guess. So this week we went out and he said he likes me, I’m great, etc. So I ask him if he is gay. And he says no. I said I will think about us getting together, since I don’t think having an office affair is such a good idea. Well, next day he was really mad at me about this gay questioning; he says he liked me because he didn’t really know me, he doesn’t like some things about me. I asked what, and he says I always stress out easily and I’m not much into cultural stuff…He also said if I had really trusted him I would have never asked him if he was gay, because he has shared all his life with me, talked about former gf’s and so on…
2 days have passed by and he’s already flirting with a friend of mine, and keeping me informed on his progress! What do you think? For the record, he had a one night stand with another colleague. I wasn’t completely sure of liking him on the first place, but now I feel quite jealous, and I also wouldn’t like to lose his friendship, we get along very well. ~Confused at work~
Dear CAW: The Bitter Single Guy thinks you should step away from this train wreck. Whether this Fickle Fig is gay or not, he seems to have pretty crappy boundaries where his workplace is concerned. Unless you both work in a restaurant (which, to the BSG’s experience, is chock-full of inappropriate boundaries but that doesn’t seem to prevent them from operating), the BSG recommends not getting involved.
Plus, the BSG has some of the same concerns you do. Per his post earlier in the week (Girlfriend in the Closet), the BSG believes that sexual orientation and attraction are on a continuum, so a mostly hetero guy making the occasional homo comment doesn’t seem completely out of the question in the 21st Century. However, the BSG thinks that if Fickle Fig actually wants to attract and date you, then he should be smart enough NOT to talk about cute boys and gay dreams. The problem here isn’t gay, bisexual or straight…it’s just tackiness. ~BSG~