Dear Readers: The BSG would never resort to calling his readers names…that’s just not helpful. But the title Ass Clown in today’s post came from this distraught reader herself and well…the BSG just LOVES the phrase “ass clown”, so it’s here in homage to SIP, not in criticism of her.
Dear Bitter Single Guy: So, I might as well start from the beginning. Back in May, my friend was dating a girl (he’s 21, she’s 16) and it was going pretty rocky. With no motives I gave him advice, even when if he felt like giving up I reassured him as long as he cared for her they would make it through. However, while he was with her, he began to develop feelings for me and I for him which culminated into a pretty passionate affair. He broke up with her and we began seeing each other. Fast forward to a month later, he broke up with me (via a friend). I was so hurt that I emailed him and told him exactly how I felt and banished him from my life..
..Until I realized I was in love with him, but I heard he had moved on so I tried too and left him in the dust. Fast forward again two months later, we were both at the same party and I heard from friends that he was talking about me, how he had wished we never broke up and what not. Well, we talked, feelings were said, and I told I loved him. I thought everything was going well until I heard that he was still dating the other girl. He claims to me that he’s in love with two people and it was a difficult choice and that it was my fault that he had even gone back to her in the first place. He then berated me saying that I was using him for sex and that my feelings weren’t real because I had simply not spent enough time with him. Suffice it to say, he had made his choice, so what was the point of me sticking around, right? He had made it into a sick competition when it was never even like that. As I was leaving, he kept on dragging the entire thing out, asking to talk and walked me to my car, all the while cracking jokes and saying he still wanted to keep in contact with me…
I guess my questions are: Am I right to let this guy go? What is his deal? Is there any hope for he and I, because for as much as I may love him, it seems pretty grim… ~Sleepless In Philadelphia~
Dear SIP: You’re done; step away. The Bitter Single Guy has himself gotten so caught up in the madness of relationship drama that he hasn’t known how to sort through the mixed up lines. From that place of painful wisdom he says to you again: you’re done. Here are your tasks:
- Apologize to your 16 year old friend for getting involved with her boyfriend. Yes, you were swept away on the glorious wings of love. Whatever. It was tacky; apologize.
- Tell Love Triangle Boy that you’re not going to keep in contact with him, despite what he wants. In case it’s not obvious, saying that he wants to stay in contact with you is his way to ease his guilt about his own role here. If he feels crappy, he can write to the BSG. You don’t have to squash your own justifiably hurt feelings to stay friends with him.
- Don’t hate the other girl. From her perspective, you were the other girl. Don’t call her, don’t email her, just don’t hate her and don’t bad-talk about her. People will talk for months about how well you handled the situation.
- Take care of yourself. You’ve got a bruised heart and those take time to heal. Watch movies, hang out with friends, write in a journal. Don’t date anyone for awhile.
By the way…it was unspeakably tacky for Love Triangle Boy to break up with you through a friend (does that even count?), but it was also somewhat shifty of you to express your feelings through an email. Step up to the live conversation, the BSG says. That’s all SIP. Good luck. ~BSG~