Thanks Kelly for reminding the BSG that he has become lax in answering letters! It’s been a busy 2010 so far, dear readers…but the BSG will be here more in the coming days, he swears. ~BSG~
Dear Bitter Single Guy: Six months ago, I broke up with my boyfriend of three years and it ended okay (it was mutual). I don’t feel bitter or angry. I’ve come to terms with it and have dated a bit since then. About a month ago, I met someone special from an online dating website and I like him very much. My question is: how long should one wait before getting into a new relationship, or rather, how can one avoid a rebound relationship? I should add that I do not have a history of so-called “serial monogamy” and I’m very comfortable with being single. I noticed that you don’t have too much on your column regarding rebound relationships so I thought I should ask. ~Don’t Want to Bounce~
Dear DWB: Although the Bitter Single Guy has written many times about rebounds, it’s been many mango seasons, so it’s likely not in the archives anymore. The BSG believes that rebounding is inevitable, particularly in a bad breakup or even an emotional breakup.
Since you say that your breakup was amicable and that you’ve had a few dates since then, the BSG thinks you’re probably safe from a really ugly rebound situation. For those who are unfamiliar with the dynamics of a rebound relationship, it’s not uncommon, if one believes themselves to have been treated shabbily in their previous relationship, to decide to punish the new relationship as a result. This is the annoyance of a rebound…in a new relationship, we’re all dealing with the detritus from our new date’s last relationship…at least a little.
DWB, the BSG would give you the complete green light if not for two things:
It’s only been six months, which is really not very long considering you’re purging yourself from a 3 year relationship.
You bring up the possibility of a rebound. This is both good and bad. Bad because if you’re thinking about it, you’re probably feeling it somewhat. But the BSG thinks this is good because you’re paying attention.
The BSG recommends starting something up with online guy (please tell the BSG that you’ve met him in person by now…if not, you’re not dealing with a real person yet…just your reaction to an online persona), but taking it slowly. If no dragons rear their heads in the next month or so, the BSG would say that you’re as much in the clear as you’ll ever be.
Tags: Rebound relationship