The Bitter Single Guy’s Relationship Advice

In Love with my Best Friend

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I have been friends with this girl for a while now, and I have developed feelings for her. I never wanted to act on it in fear of losing her. We talk all the time, and she recently started dating someone. She had never told me anything about her being in a relationship until I confronted her. She then told me and I have met him, and don’t think he is right for her. I never told her that. She is now acting very strange with me. I know in my head what I want to make of it, but I don’t know what’s real. And I don’t see why she didn’t tell me something was going on when we talk on a regular basis and about anything. I don’t know how I should proceed with this. I know now that she is seeing someone I can’t tell her how I really feel. Should I just work on getting over it, or should I wait and see how things go with her and this guy? ~Biding My Time~

Dear BMT: If the Bitter Single Guy were a gambling man (and he is), he would guess that your Dulcet Dandelion is completely aware of your feelings for her even though you haven’t told her about them. Heck, once you indicated that you “confronted her” about whether she was dating someone, the BSG was pretty sure that Dulcet Dandelion knew about your affection. In most friendships, confrontation isn’t necessary when asking about dating.

So the answer to your question about why she would start dating someone without telling her good friend (you), is that she knew you have feelings for her and she was either:

1. Forgetful
2. Trying to preserve your feelings
3. Not wanting to inspire you to express your feelings because she doesn’t share them.

The BSG suspects choice #3 because if she did have feelings for you and wanted you to know it, you would probably already know it (there are very few people able to conceal their affection for someone that they spend regular time with).

The answer to your second question: whether you should work on getting over it, or wait and see how things go with this guy, the BSG thinks you should get over it. At a minimum, if you’re her friend, she probably expects you to respect her choice of boyfriend even if you don’t think he’s right for her (the BSG wonders if you would find any guy right for her except you).

Short version is that you’re into Dulcet Dandelion and she’s not into you. At a minimum you should tell her how you feel because the BSG guarantees that nothing will happen (good or bad) otherwise. But expect when you tell her to hear that she doesn’t have those feelings for you, but that your friendship is important to her. At that point you’ll have to (as the BSG says above) get over it. ~BSG~