The Bitter Single Guy's Relationship Advice

BSG Poll Results

In the Bitter Single Guy’s Real Job (believe it or not, the tacky display advertising on the BSG site isn’t enough to pay the rent) he spends an inordinate amount of time looking at poll results. So then, here are some recent results of these festive BSG polls!

The BSG wanted to find out just who his readers were, or more specifically, what their relationship status was. As you see here, most of the BSG’s readers (at least most of those who replied to the poll) are unhappily single or, one might say, “Bitter Single”. Well the BSG supposes this was to be expected.

The BSG is surprised to see that the next highest category is happily dating/involved! See Readers? Even “happy” folks sometimes need a little adjustment from the BSG.

But wait, what if we look at it this way:

What?! Now we see that most of the BSG’s readers…whether single or involved…are unhappy! Well again, one could probably have guessed that given that all these poor unfortunate souls have come to the BSG for solace. The BSG has always thought his work was critical to the overall happiness of the populace and here he is affirmed in that mission.

As a side note, the BSG thinks there should be a time limit allowed for “it’s complicated”. The BSG himself knows that sometimes things get complicated, but sitting in complication for a long time is bad.

~BSG~

Moving Too Fast

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I began talking to a guy a little over a month ago. He was very persistent with asking me out until I finally agreed. Now, I’m not so sure what I want. I like the guy, he’s really nice, and seems to really like me. We get along pretty well, but we can’t seem to keep a conversation going.

After our first date he began to get very touchy. It’s nothing inappropriate, but after dating for a week, I’m not so sure it should be that way. Like, we’ll just be sitting at the house (his or mine) and he’ll insist that I sit on him or have his arms wrapped around me. That’s fine sometimes, but not constantly or around our parents. That’s just weird. After a week he told me he loved me, which I’m thinking is kind of impossible considering we barely know each other. I really didn’t know what to do so I kind of just blew it off at the time. He constantly wants to be together and when we are he wants to be like connected. Kissing all the time isn’t what I want to do either or laying together on the couch watching movies. We don’t need to spend every day together. I need time for school, family, etc too. He just doesn’t seem to understand that.

He just got out of a 5 year relationship 4 months ago, too. I’m not exactly sure what went on there, but I’ve heard he cheated. He told me he was afraid the other girl would message me, but he would never cheat on me because I mean too much to him, etc. That was kind of a red flag for me.

I just feel like things are going way, way too fast…especially for my first relationship.

I just can’t figure out how he could be over the previous relationship (they were engaged and everything) and then “fall in love” with someone else so quickly. The more I think about it, the more I just want out. Right now I’m feeling like he just wants something that I won’t/can’t give.

I am not good at talking to people about how I feel or anything, so this is hard for me. I don’t want to hurt his feelings or make him mad, but I may have to.

What should I do? Or how should I go about this? ~Looking for The Door~

Dear LFTD: The Bitter Single Guy agrees with you, you’re going to have to hurt his feelings. But before you start feeling bad about it, the BSG needs to assure you that Amorous Andy is going to get his feelings hurt no matter what because, from what you describe, he’s WAY more into you than you are into him.

The BSG has said it before and will say it again. All of us, the BSG included sometimes, are surprised to find out that people rarely (if ever) connect at the same level. Someone is always more in love (or lust, or like) than the other person. In longer relationships, this works out nicely as the ebb and flow of affection and attraction and couples learn to live (sometimes happily, even) within these tides.

But that’s not what’s happening for you, LFTD. You’re Amorous Andy’s rebound relationship. His poor bruised heart (even if he’s responsible for the breakup, hearts still get bruised) is latching on to you as strongly as it can, thinking that will make everything OK.

The good news for you and Amorous Andy is that you’re not hook, line and sinker in love with him TOO. If you were his rebound and had fallen for him as he has for you, then you’d be in for a rough time when it all fell apart (rebounds usually do).

The BSG recommends going with your gut and pulling the plug on this one. Don’t let it get (more) weird and frustrating. Tell Amorous Andy that it’s all moving way too fast for you, set some boundaries around how often you’re OK seeing him, tell him to put his damned hands in his pockets when your parents are around…whatever it takes. The BSG predicts he’ll overreact and will be all hurt and stuff. That will be your queue to dump him. ~BSG~

Is This Piece of Work Worth It?

Dear Bitter Single Guy: Okay, so I’ve been involved with this guy for nearly three years now, and it’s been eventful to say the least. I met him through school, and we were two years apart, which back then put a hamper on the relationship as something more than just friendship. He joined the military, and at first we were still “just friends”, but then he suddenly started talking serious relationship stuff. At first I didn’t buy as much into it, as much as I’d wanted to. Long story short, I bought it, though, and right when I thought it was going to happen, he told me about his deployment, and I didn’t hear from him for awhile.

A few months after that, and no contact, a mutual friend of ours told me about his new girlfriend, and how happy he was, which blindsided me, and I completely removed him from my life. I never did quite get over him, so when about two months ago he started talking to me again, it was the same story: as much as I wanted to, I wouldn’t let myself get into him, which, once again, proved to be an epic fail.

Again, he started with the heavy relationship subject, and then told me he wanted to come and see me. This time around, I asked him about the past girlfriend, which turned into a gf and then a fiancée, but the relationship had ended, and recently at that. He gave me a whole schtick about wanting to take things slowly, but on our first evening out, sexual tension got the best of us, and we were at it. And then it got weird. Where he’d try to talk to me on skype, over the phone or through text, I got nil. His phone was shut off for some complicated reason, which turned out to be true. Well, we went out again, went at it, again, and what should happen but very little contact. We had talked some, but it was a little awkward, to say the least. Furthermore, the serious relationship talk has come to nearly a complete halt. He’s still in town, but has made no moves to come see me. I’ve gotten to where I think I’m just a HPOA, but I’d like a second opinion before I decide to just end this before it gets to be way too much
for me. I already feel like I’ve been dragged through the mud once, I just don’t want my feelings for him to allow it to happen again. ~Tired of being Ophelia to his Hamlet~

Dear Ophelia: The Bitter Single Guy thinks what you think. Step away from this trap before you’re too wrapped up in it to see what’s happening. In case you missed it, the BSG will tell you what’s going on.

You and Military Man have that scary combination of friendly history and mutual attraction. This is a scary combination because it’s all the fun of being taken for granted  while still being someone who gets his hackles up (in that good way).

The BSG knows how this evolved: Military Man was going off to Scary War and wanted to set an anchor to which he could return. That was you. It’s not so much that he didn’t intend to return to you, but you were the anchor, not the ship he meant to sail into the future (pretty awesomely visual of the BSG, yes?).

But then Military Man met the gf and was planning to pick up the anchor since he didn’t need it. His gf then fiancée didn’t work out, but hey look! Here’s this handy anchor I set all that time ago. Now cut to your re-introduction and the rekindling of your attraction and you have your current situation. The BSG will admit that he had to look up HPOA because sometimes he’s dense that way, but after looking it up, the BSG thinks that you’re much more a FWB than a HPOA…that’s the comfy familiarity that the BSG mentioned.

Short answer Ophelia, is that this isn’t going to work out and Military Man is going to treat you like a great friend with whom he sometimes hooks up. The BSG recommends not taking on that role he’s cast you in unless you really want the part. ~BSG~

The BSG Isn’t Gone

Faithful Readers, the BSG apologizes for his long absence here…it’s been a summer of travel and general busy-ness for the BSG and his column has languished here.  Today the BSG begins his work again for you, his Faithful Readers. Happy summer (what’s left of it).

BSG