Follow BSG on twitter | Subcribe via RSS

New Year’s Eve Anonymous Confession

December 30th, 2010 | No Comments | Posted in What The Hell?

This is an older BSG letter, but he offers it here just before New Year’s as a cautionary tale to warn against drunk dialing on New Year’s Eve. You’ve been warned.

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I spent New Year’s Eve with my family in a time zone 2 hours ahead of where I live. So when my phone rang at 1:45am, while I was sleeping in the same room as mother, I answered it in a great deal of confusion. A male voice asked whether he was talking to me, and I said “yes?” The voice on the other end of the phone then proceeded to say: “I have always loved you.” I was stunned, groggy, didn’t know what else to say, didn’t want to wake my mother, and had no idea to whom I was speaking — other than that it wasn’t my current flame, who has a decided accent. So I wrote it off as either a practical joke or a little bit of kindness floating around in the world.

Fast forward to late March, and I received a voicemail from an old family friend — someone I’ve always viewed as a rather messed-up older brother — saying that he thinks he owes me an apology “from about three and a half months ago” and “if you don’t call back, I guess I’ll understand.”

So here’s the quandry: what do I do? I have NO romantic interest in Old Family Friend, and what I want is to completely ignore the situation and hope that when I see Old Family Friend sometime this spring (which is likely), we can be cordial with each other. However, I know that he’s at a low point in his life right now (I suspect mid-life crisis, depression, substance abuse, the works). I don’t want to be unfair to someone who might need my support. ~Might Have a Stalker~

Dear MHS: The Bitter Single Guy thinks it’s hella noble of you to spend as much time considering Old Family Friend’s feelings and life situation while you ponder how to respond. But the BSG doesn’t think that’s the right approach here. Whether mid-life crisis or depression or something worse, Old Family Friend lives by the same social rules that you and the BSG live with. Calling someone (the BSG hopes it was Drunk Dialing, because if he called you out of the blue while totally sober, well that’s just creepy) on New Year’s Eve to pronounce your love with no warning is just tacky. The BSG assumes, given the mid-life crisis possibility, that Old Family Friend isn’t 15, which would make this behavior just as tacky, but understandable.

MHS, don’t ignore this. If you actually care a whit for Old Family Friend you’ll expect him to deal with you appropriately which includes honest communication. He has a right to express his attraction to you in a socially acceptable fashion, by inviting you to coffee or some such innocent activity. You, of course, also have the right to demur in equally socially acceptable ways. Since he’s chosen to go the 15 year old route, the BSG hopes you still decide to be the adult.

The BSG doesn’t usually recommend email, but in this case he would allow it because the impersonal nature of an email would emphasize your point. “Dear Old Family Friend: I got your voicemail and appreciate you clearing up the mystery of who woke me from a sound sleep on New Year’s Eve. I accept your apology and appreciate you letting me know that it was you. While I appreciate our family friendship, that’s the extent of my interest in our relationship. I understand how these misunderstanding can happen however, and am sure we’ll laugh about it when we see each other this spring.”

The BSG thinks this approach can both preserve the cordiality of your relationship while making it clear that his confession wasn’t welcome. The likely result is that Old Family Friend will be hugely embarrassed, which will be appropriate. It’s likely that he’s entertaining a tiny little fantasy that you’ll be similarly smitten, otherwise he wouldn’t have left you the voicemail. Your job now is to crush that tiny little fantasy. The BSG has toal faith in you here, MHS.


Tags: , ,

Boyfriend Training 101

December 29th, 2010 | 1 Comment | Posted in Tips For Love

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I’ve been living with my boyfriend for a little over a year and I’m pretty certain we’ll get married in the next few years. I’m very happy about that. He loves me to death and I him. Sometimes though, I have difficulty taming him. What I mean by that is– we were friends for about 9 years before we got together, and he was for the most part single before me. It’s not that he flirts with other girls. On the contrary, he is devoted to me, makes me dinner, takes care of me etc. But when he tries to flirt with me, it’s cute and funny, but in the end, it’s not effective. (I think he had very little game while single.)

I end up having to teach him things I didn’t even know I knew. For example: last night, I wanted to *ahem* have some physical attention, and made it very clear. He said, “Oh okay, drink this whiskey and watch an episode of the Clone Wars with me. I’ll *warm you up* while we do, and it will make you even more saucy.” I told him I might fall asleep if I did, but he gave me a flirtatious look, so I drank it. I wake up grumpy a half hour later with his hands all over me (good-feeling, but confusing) and tell him, “I was at peak compliance. More compliant than peak equals fall asleep.” We both laughed, but I was grumpy, very sleepy and went to bed without my ‘fill’. I love him dearly, and he’s learning, but I fear my libido will eventually become that of an old woman in the process, and my advice more like nagging…

~Old Dogs and New Tricks~

Dear ODNT: The Bitter Single Guy is assuming that your Gentle Gem is trainable, so then your task is about getting him trained. Interestingly, the BSG thinks that foreplay is definitely a learned skill, but he also believes that both genders manage it pretty poorly unless they’ve had a good teacher. This is where you come in.

Now the first thing the BSG will tell you is that the average male ego is as fragile as a snowflake, so if you barrel in there and tell Gentle Gem that he’s got no game and needs some learnin’, he’ll likely go all manly and tell you that you don’t know what you’re talking about which even HE will realize is a stupid statement, so he’ll try to hide his ignorance in bluster and no one will get what they want.

That said, the BSG also doesn’t think that subtlety is going to work here (sounds like you’ve already been down that path). You’re definitely going to have to be clear, but rather than telling Gentle Gem that he doesn’t have any idea how to please a woman, tell him that you realize that your needs might be a little different and you want to talk to him about how to please YOU. This will take some convincing (see the BSG’s previous mention of bluster), but if you persevere, the payoff for both of you will be awesome.

The BSG definitely recommends focusing on that payoff by the way. In the same way that a puppy can best be trained for praising him when he does good as well as rapping him on the nose with a rolled up paper when he doesn’t, Gentle Gem will build his skills by receiving praise from you for those things that go well.

Bottom line ODNT, don’t assume anything and be prepared to be very detailed if necessary. In the end, the worst case scenario will be that he’s not salvageable for you, but you’ll train him well for his next date. The universe appreciates sacrifices like that and will ensure that it comes back to you.


Bad Girlfriend Got Dumped

December 27th, 2010 | No Comments | Posted in Dumped

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I was madly in love with my guy and dating almost a year. Everything was going great. Then one day out of the blue, he dumps me by text. He said he wasn’t attracted to me anymore, but didn’t know why. Then he said to me that he should’ve dumped me a long time ago. WTF? I was a good girlfriend and never cheated. I never deserved this. I was devastated. ~Blindsided Babe~

Dear BB: The Bitter Single Guy hates when this happens! The first thing the BSG wants to make sure you know is that this isn’t because you did or did not do something. The BSG suspects that your Dapper Dandy loved (as so many of us do) the chase when he first met you and the two of you were in that exciting phase where everything is sexy and you can’t get enough of each other.

Unfortunately, most attraction wears off and for Dapper Dandy, it sounds like his attraction wore off sooner rather than later. The BSG further suspects that Dapper Dandy was never wildly attracted to you but was unwilling (as so many are) to step away from the plate, so to speak, and put his bat down. But before the BSG beats up on your ex he’s going to feel sorry for him a little. The BSG himself has been in situations where he WANTED to be attracted to someone even when it just wasn’t there. No amount of logic or mind-over-matter can replace simple toe-curling attraction, at least for guys. The BSG suspects this may actually be a little different for you girls, but he’s not sure. So the BSG thinks that Dapper Dandy probably tried really hard to make it work and finally gave up, which was the cause of his “should have dumped you a long time ago” comment.

On the other hand, if Dapper Dandy said that to you the BSG hopes the actual statement was “I should have taken responsibility for myself earlier rather than waiting” which is a statement the BSG would actually agree with, even if it did come a little late. If however, Dapper Dandy actually used the phrase “I should have dumped you earlier” then the BSG hopes he gets an avalanche of bad relationship karma dumped on him soon.

The long and the short of it is that you’ve been dumped, BB. You should plan to have feelings of sadness, feelings of anger toward Dapper Dandy and feelings that all men are pigs and should be tossed into volcanoes. You should also look out for a rebound relationship to come your way. Often when the ability to control our own destiny (i.e. getting dumped) is thrust upon us, we need to reclaim our destiny by taking control of someone else’s  (i.e. dating someone who you then dump to re-pay the universe for what happened to you).

You have also earned the right for some serious moping, though. The BSG says embrace it.


New Year’s Eve is Hell

December 26th, 2010 | No Comments | Posted in What The Hell?

Another oldie, but the BSG trots it out because he knows you need it.

Dear Readers: The Bitter Single Guy is compelled by his sense of righteousness to prevent needless emotional pain and suffering.  Sadly however…he knows you, and knows that you’re not likely to listen.  He knows that you’ll read this warning and think “heck, the BSG doesn’t mean ME!” and will go on about the business of introducing drama into your life.  Consider yourselves warned.

Read this warning today, and then check back on the 2nd of January because that’s when you’ll realize that the BSG knows you and was looking out for your welfare even though you may have been too thickheaded to listen when it was important.  The BSG means this lovingly and with your happiness in mind.

You are an idiot.  Yes, the Bitter Single Guy said it because it’s true and because until he got all enlightened and stuff the BSG was an idiot too.

If you are single, you have it in your head that New Year’s Eve will be when you meet The Right One, the person you’re supposed to spend the Rest of Your Life with.  You’ll imagine a “When Harry Met Sally” moment where all your dreams come true and you just know that you’ll tell the story for years to come about how your lives together really started just as it turned midnight on New Year’s Eve (sigh).   The BSG is all giddy right along with you.

If you’re partnered, then you are prepared to forgive and forget toothpaste-cap sins, thoughtless comments about your fashion sense, and annoying back hair because you know that New Year’s Eve will bring you and your beloved to new levels of joy. You are already imagining the tender yet passionate kiss you’ll share on the dance floor as the clock strikes twelve.

Next is the part the BSG loves the most.  Each of you; the single and the non-single, will create this completely unreasonable storybook experience how?  By adding alcohol, that’s how!  You’ll drink champagne, you’ll drink shots, you’ll drink beer between the shots because you will think it brings balance, then you’ll be back to the shots again!  Then you’ll round out the evening with a champagne toast just to keep the booze mix festive.  Along with all this great imbibing, you’ll also be having nachos, taquitos, pigs-in-blankets and whatever other mega-processed nibbly food you can scarf down.

This delightful combination will ensure that you are ill-mannered, inarticulate and frankly somewhat of an asshole (the BSG is sorry to be harsh, but have you seen yourself when you’re like that?). This will ensure that any hope of a fairy tell ending to the evening will be dashed on the rocks of drunkenness.

Shocked as you are right now, the BSG can almost hear you asking…pleading, really…with him to know how you can avert the disaster of waking up on January 1 knowing that your romantic life is completely hopeless and you’ll die lonely and miserable. Well, the BSG is glad you asked.  Folks just like you (and the BSG) heap mounds of unrealistic expectaitons onto New Year’s Eve, so the BSG strongly recommends…are you ready, because this is it: have NO expectations for love or nookie.

You know this from previous New Year’s Eves and yet you’ve been unwilling to realize it.  The BSG is here to help you, but he knows some of you will still ignore him.  That’s OK, though…the Bitter Single Guy will be here to help you pick up the pieces.

Like waking up from a V E R Y long nap…

December 26th, 2010 | No Comments | Posted in Random Crap

Oh Gentle Readers, the Bitter Single Guy is certain that you believed he had abandoned you! He never meant to leave you in your emotional turmoil, but it’s been a busy time the BSG has to say.

The nap is over however, and the BSG has a passel of letters (do letters come in passels?) queued up and coming to you. He hopes your holiday season has been a winner and hopes we can hang out here virtually in 2011.

  • The BSG wrote a play!

  • Join Us

  • Thank You!

    John Hathaway . Betty Federline . Bry Troyer . Sean Schmidt . Trenton . Lisa Applegate . Beth Chmielowski . John Epperson . Carissa Meisner Smit . Deb T. . Jan Clausen . Taunya Hilfrink . Michael Erlandson . Bill Champagne . Hallie Goertz . Greg LoProto . Dave Liloia . Jean Bragassa . Malia Fazzio . J Paul Anderson . Mona McCune . sean armstrong . Jeff Brisendine . Jeannette . J.P. Stewart . me . Michael Brunk . Kasey Landon Frix . Linda . Reiko Bagsby . Alysse Mirisola . Tiffani Allen . Tyson Scherb . Matt Mostad . Jimmy . Daniela Ahmed . Chris Kreifels . Laura . Helen Epperson . Jarl Kallhoff & Sue Churchill . Apple Moscowitz . Britton Bigby . Gail Brisendine . Drew Lienau . Howard Kwong . JoAnne Weller .

bbc galapagos las islas que cambiaron el mundogalapagos cruise reviewsbest cruise ships galapagos islandsbest family galapagos cruisebest time to go to galapagos and machu picchubest time to go to peru and galapagosbiotech bedrijf galapagosbiotechnologiebedrijf galapagosbudget galapagos boat toursbudget galapagos cruise pricescaracteristicas de las islas galapagos antiguascaracteristicas de las islas galapagos flora y faunacaracteristicas de las islas galapagos mas antiguascaracteristicas islas antiguas galapagoscaracteristicas islas mas antiguas galapagoscelebrity cruise galapagos machu picchucelebrity cruise lines galapagos islandscelebrity cruises galapagos machu picchucelebrity cruises galapagos reviewscelebrity cruises galapagos xpeditioncelebrity xpedition galapagos 2014celebrity xpedition galapagos cancelledcelebrity xpedition galapagos cruisecelebrity xpedition galapagos cruise 2014celebrity xpedition galapagos excursionscelebrity xpedition galapagos machu picchucelebrity xpedition galapagos price