Because the Bitter Single Guy doesn’t believe that there are enough people actively discussing issues that only barely touch them, he will join the active and only sometimes tiring discussion of women who breast feed in public. At bridal showers and Sex and The City marathons, conversations that once centered on Neanderthal Men who leave the toilet seat up have now shifted to Neanderthal Men who have a problem with public breast feeding. The BSG eagerly awaits the discussion of Neanderthal Men who think Dr. Phil is secretly the troll under the Billy-Goats-Gruff bridge and he will enter that fray as well.
The BSG himself has been present when some random woman has exposed her bodacious ta-ta in order to give junior a quick snack. Breast feeding is a Beautiful Event and is incredibly natural and imparts junior with scads of immunity boosting benefits that will make him strong and smart and able to leap tall buildings, but it also includes a body part over which some women are somewhat protective. In those moments, the BSG experiences what he expects most men have experienced: namely, wondering what the hell he’s supposed to do now.
The BSG suspects that gawking at the exposed breast would be tacky, but apparently averting ones eyes and looking away could result in Mommy feeling socially awkward. “Act naturally”, the BSG hears people say. When faced with this exact situation, the BSG had to utilize superhuman willpower in order to keep his gaze firmly on Mommy’s eyes and off the dining experience before him. This had the uncomfortable affect of making the BSG’s eyes bug out just enough that his friend of many years reacted as if he were leering at her over the seats of a city bus late at night. Creepy for both of us, the BSG assures you.
Yes, yes, the BSG hears all you new mothers, less-new mothers, enlightened fathers and any number of additional Democrats tsk-tsk-ing him for being Neanderthal Man. Well the BSG is pleased to go where others fear to tread and tell you Mommies that, when you un-leash in order to take part in the Beautiful Event, please take a moment to understand that the men around you are going to react within the unfortunate social limits within which we all live. The world that includes up-skirt photography, harassment lawsuits and internet predators has resulted in our healthy fear of all things even remotely sexual. People who avert their eyes from the Beautiful Event are merely reacting to their fear of gawking at each other’s bodies outside the privacy of a dance club.
Mommies, here’s the BSG’s unsolicited advice for you. If you want to hang out with your friends, have a glass of sparkling water and still occasionally whip it out for Junior’s dinner, take a moment to set those expectations for the folks around you. Tell them that a curious glance at your exposed breast will not be taken any differently than if they watched the same baby slurping on a bottle. Then understand and empathize with the folks who look away anyway and know that they are responding out of respect for you and a desire not to make you feel uncomfortable. Pay attention America: we all…you, the BSG and even Dr. Phil, have created this environment of repression. Let’s not also beat each other up for it.