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Too Much Love Too Soon

June 16th, 2011 | No Comments | Posted in What The Hell?

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I met a girl a month ago at a friends’ wedding. We’ve been talking everyday. About 3 weeks later I visited her, she was out of town for work. There was cuddling, sex, dinner, etc. Then I left on my preplanned cross country road trip.

I’ve been on the road for two weeks. We still talk everyday, but it is hard. About a week ago, she told me she loved me. I don’t feel the same way, which she is cool with.

I want to date her when I get back, but something feels weird now. Like, some of the spark is gone? Am I freaking cause she told me she loved me? Should I be? ~Unsure Behind the Wheel~

Dear UBTW: The Bitter Single Guy is going to tell you that a declaration of love after a ton of phone calls and one really great date is a little premature. Now the BSG is pretty sure that there are readers getting their gander up about the joy and realities of love at first sight as well as other fairy tales, but he stands by his snap judgment.

The BSG suspects that you are feeling the “whoa” response of someone who’s in a relationship that is going to fast. The BSG suspects that this feeling is felt most often by dudes, but he has spoken to girls for whom this is true, too.

The BSG recommends that you tell Speed Racer that for your ramp-up-into-relationship needs you need to move a little more slowly with the every day phone calls and may need to have at least another live date before concluding that this fledgling relationship is going to be able to fly on it’s own or if it will go the way of so many other new relationships and plunge to an untimely end at the base of a tree.

By the way, you don’t mention whether this traveling and meeting in different cities means that in addition to different affection timing, that you and Speed Racer are also doing a long distance thing. If that’s true, the BSG doesn’t have a lot of hope for your future with SR, since managing variations in expectations is tough at close range. Trying to do it long distance is a recipe for frustration.


Should She Move With Her BF?

June 6th, 2011 | 1 Comment | Posted in Stay Or Go?

Dear Bitter Single Guy: My boyfriend just asked me to move up with him when he moves to Vermont. I knew he was going there for school for a while now and got used to the idea, but now a friend of his is thinking of moving up there as well. My beau says that if we both raise enough money to help cover rent, we can live up there for a year easily. I have a month to decide if I want to go, if my boyfriend’s friend and the friend’s girlfriend decide to move as well. I love the idea of being able to see him more often while he goes to a school that he loves, but I just can’t see me moving up with him. One reason is that we are just eighteen. Yes, he will be nineteen by the time this happens, but that still is young. He’s been mistaken as being older and is complimented on how he is so mature and responsible he is. He may be older than his age, but I’m not.

I just got used to living away from home and my family and I don’t think I will be completely confident in my survival skills for a long time. I also am going to college now with almost wholly on scholar ships and state aid and would still do so if I stayed at the school I am at now. I don’t know how I will pay to transfer and go to another school. I have also made friends at my school that I don’t want to lose, which is a big thing for me. I am sure I will find some in Vermont if I do move, but I think I would feel as if I left my new friends behind. So, BSG, what do you think? Should I decide to go? Is it selfish of me not to completely jump on this opportunity or is it selfish on my boyfriend’s part to think I should? Maybe I am worrying about this to much…

Thank you for taking you time to read this and I hope that is not to long. ~On the Border~

Dear OTB: The Bitter Single Guy appreciates that, at the tender age of 18, you’re giving this so much thought. That said, the BSG was pretty sure he knew his answer before he finished reading your letter.

Don’t go. All your reasons for not going are good ones: your age, his age, your friends, your scholarship, the living arrangement. The reasons for going seem to be limited to “because he asked”.

You, your boyfriend, the friend and the friend’s girlfriend all living together while you all get settled in school, with friends, and as room-mates for the very first time is a clear recipe for disaster to the BSG.

Get ready for your boyfriend to dump you if you say you won’t move, but the BSG can say with 100% certainty that if he actually dumps you because you won’t move, the relationship wouldn’t have survived the move anyway. ~BSG~

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