Dear Bitter Single Guy: I met my BF a month and a half ago. we met through my friend’s big sister. He’s 28, and I’m 18. I ended up losing my virginity to him 4 days after we met… which was BEFORE my BF and my friend’s sister decided to mention that THEY had slept together before he met me… I want to believe him when he tells me he loves me, since the first time he said it was when he was literally in tears because i could no longer handle his distant attitude, and my mind keeps going back to my friend’s sister. She not only has me topped in age, but experience as well(which he claims doesn’t bother him that I’m 18 and ONLY ever been with him.) what should i do about my insecurities over his “friend” that he’s “had fun with”? ~Scared Of Falling~
Dear SOF: the Bitter Single Guy wants to apologize in advance to you. Although he’s going to work hard to avoid it, he’s going to do that thing that everyone (including the BSG) hates, which is when someone older tells you that they know more than you do. Of course the BSG regularly tells his readers that he knows more than they do, so this is hardly new, but the BSG doesn’t want you to think this is all about age.
OK SOF, that said…this is all about age. The fact that Ancient (to you) Andy didn’t tell you that he had hooked up with your sister’s friend when he first met you is a little tacky, but actually not that big a deal. The bigger deal would have been if he had ZERO sexual history prior to you. At 28 years old, you need to expect that this guy has had some sex. Frankly, if you’re going to be dating older guys, you need to build up some thicker skin about managing the age difference. You need to accept that Ancient Andy (as well as future BF’s because this current relationship is going to expire pretty soon) will have been with other girls and overall will have different priorities than you do (at 18 you may be thinking about college and at 28 Ancient Andy is likely done with it, or at least more job-focused).
Now despite all that, the BSG is entirely supportive (even if many folks are not) of the fact that sometimes folks are attracted to older or younger people. Within the bounds of the law, the BSG has no ethical problem here and in fact knows that younger-attracted-to-older people can feel pretty dissed (is that still a thing?) by the whole that-old-guy-took-advantage-of-her reaction of many folks. So the BSG is in favor of exploring your attractions (again…within the bounds of the law).
So the BSG’s advice is to let go of the whole he-had-sex-with-my-sister’s-friend drama. If your attraction is to older guys, get ready to manage the realities of that age difference or you’re always going to be frustrated. ~BSG~