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Not Sure If She’s Been Dumped

July 17th, 2012 | No Comments | Posted in Dumped

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I have dated my bf for 5 years. We met, he was interested but I had a serious bf. Eight months later we run into each other, he finds out I’m single & snatched me right up! The first 2 years we lived in the same town & saw each other every day. The year after that he moved 2 hours away. We saw each other every other week. The next year he moved 4 hours away & we still saw each other every other week. We called & skyped multiple times a day. Then he has a big career decision to make. It would move him much closer, about 1.5 hours away but I told him to base his decision on happiness not just being closer. He’s a little worried about the decision but things seem normal. He even finds a house he could buy & asks when I can move in if he bought it & took the new job. Then he shows up for the 3 day weekend we have planned for his birthday & says he can’t do the distance anymore. He loves me & I’m his best friend & he doesn’t know if this is his best or worst decision ever, but he has to do it for him. He’s always lonely & depressed all by himself so far away. He has to make this decision on his own. He promised he would keep in touch. He did for 10 days. He sent texts saying he hoped his pudn (my nickname he gave me) was ok & told me he loves me. Now I haven’t heard from him in over a week. His interview is in 4 days, but he’s guaranteed the new job if he wants it. I am making him contact me. I’m not texting or calling him. When he broke the news I told him not to worry, I had already been thinking & doing research on jobs I could find to move to be with him no matter where he ended up. He said he doesn’t want me to give up my dream job. What is going through his head? Is he just really stressed out? Does he really love me? I feel like we are in a sort of limbo as he expressed distress, but never said we were broken up. He never said we were over & the couple times we talked on the phone after were like old times, not awkward how do we act like friends now. Is he gonna come back around? I asked if there was another girl. He assured me there was not. He said he is not even gonna see other girls. What is going on & what should I do? Do I even send him a good luck text for his interview or ignore that is even happening? I love him with all my heart & just want him to be happy, I’m just very confused & so are all my friends. They are shocked & at a loss for words & advice. ~At A Loss~

Dear AAL: The Bitter Single Guy was, he has to admit, also a little confused by where your relationship has landed based on your letter, and heck…the BSG usually doesn’t get confused! OK, he wasn’t that confused and he found a clue that tells him what’s going on here.

You say you asked if there was another girl and he assured you there was not and that he isn’t even going to see other girls. There’s your cue, AAL. You’ve been dumped, although apparently in a somewhat wishy-washy fashion. If Stammering Stanley can’t help but send vague messages in hopes that you will get the message (seriously, the BSG HATES that), it’s up to you to figure it out and the BSG recommends concluding that you’ve been dumped.

The BSG wants you to stick with your impulse not to contact him. If you can’t stand it, then send him a “good luck on the interview” text and also tell him that you’ll wait to hear from him and if you don’t you wish him a good life. What you want here is not to be completely dependent on his communication whim, otherwise he gets to keep being wishy-washy and you get to keep asking your friends and writing the BSG to find out what the hell is going on. Good luck, AAL. ~BSG~

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Dumped and Doesn’t Know It

July 16th, 2012 | No Comments | Posted in Dumped

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I don’t know what’s happened to him suddenly .. Since we’ve been together one minute he’ll say he loves me n next minute he won’t be sure about it but my heart says he loves me but recently I have been having family issues n he helped me out a Lot but recently we stopped talking to each other because he’s always at work or out with his mates he stopped taking time out for me but I still used to ring him but everytime I rang him he either fell asleep or never answered my questions.. I asked him if he still loves me he said yes and then dunno… I asked him if he wants to be with me he said dunno I just wanna be single n start my own business I don’t think I have time for a relationship. After he said that I started crying n he started talking to me all lovey dovey n then few minutes later he just wanted to be friends n I said to him we can’t be friends.. Soo all this has happened the only time we talk is when. I ring.. If I don’t ring then he doesn’t seem to be bothered or maybe he does I don’t know .. But till today I ring him n talk to him but he’s always busy n when I go out it bothers him n he asks me questions about stuff.. I dunno if he loves me’ I dunno if he wants me coz when I say I’m guna let go he says ‘ dont go’ I dunno how to make him sure that he loves me n I want to get out relationship back together.. Can you please help me ~I’m So Confused~

Dear ISC: the BSG wants you to be a little more observant. You left your question as a comment on another question, rather than emailing the BSG directly. Luckily the BSG saw your comment today (as well as your question about when someone would get back to you) and because he wants to help you, he’ll answer your question.

Your relationship is over. This guy says he doesn’t know if he loves you and says he wants to be just friends. What are you confused about here? The BSG is sorry to be the one to tell you but you’ve been dumped. Time to move on. ~BSG~

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Thinking of Kids?

July 13th, 2012 | No Comments | Posted in Random Crap

Costly Kids
Created by: EarlyChildhoodEducation.com

How Bitter is Too Bitter?

July 12th, 2012 | No Comments | Posted in Random Crap

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I’m writing to you because I’ve been single for so long that I’ve actually begun to like it — but I fear that liking it may just be a sign that I’ve become bitterly accustomed to romantic dinners with myself, coffee klatches where I brew just one cup, and anniversaries that I share with my dog Dexter. Without casting any aspersions–and, indeed, with a good bit of admiration–I suppose I suspect I’m actually becoming YOU. (Except I no doubt have a bigger belly, fewer friends, and a smaller house in the Hamptons–so much to be bitter about!)

So my question, given your extensive experience in bitter singledom, is whether you have a gauge against which I can measure my bitterness, test my aptitude for longterm survival in the bitter Universe, and better prepare myself to be the only one at my own funeral? Affectionately–but don’t get too close: Wistful in Walla Walla
Dear WWW: At first blush, the BSG has to compliment you on the eloquence of your letter. Seriously dude, your use of the comma can really only be called artful. The BSG applauds you *clap, clap, clap*.
That aside, the BSG is a believer in taking things at face value. This is important to call out because he suspects (because he is the suspicious kind) that your letter may be a tongue-in-cheek jab at the Bitter Single Guy, but rather than try to read between your beautifully written lines, the BSG will (as he mentioned) simply take it all at face value.

The short version WWW, is that simply calling out your awareness of your own pending bitter life (and death) indicates your lack of comfort with it. This is the equivalent of whether or not one refers to Chinese food simply as “food” if one is in China. So then, here’s the gauge: the fact that you call out your own bitterness – that you recognize it as an aberration – means that it sits uncomfortably in your (the BSG is certain is an) average sized belly. Which means you’re destined either to become increasingly bitter (bitterness breeds bitterness) or to get so frustrated you find a way out.

By the way, if this IS a gentle way to tug on the BSG’s cape, it was nicely done. Good luck, WWW. ~BSG~

She’s Ready to Dump Him

July 10th, 2012 | No Comments | Posted in Dumped

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I have been dating my boyfriend for 4 years, and living with him for about 3, and I think it’s time to end things. There has been something missing for a little over a year; the spark is gone. We don’t really fight because I rarely speak up, since I don’t like “rocking the boat”. I think this has led him to take me for granted and feel like he can walk all over me.
The reason I am ready to break-up with him is because I am just not happy anymore. He snaps at me and gets mad out of nowhere. He has anger issues, and I have tried to learn to deal with them, but it’s not working. Also, our sex life is almost non-existent, which is his doing. He doesn’t “have the sex drive normal men have”. Which very possibly may be true, but that’s a problem for me and our relationship. And I feel there is more to it than just that. And since it’s that important to me, shouldn’t he make an effort? Besides, if we aren’t sexual with each other (excluding kisses and such) doesn’t that just make us roommates? I literally don’t know how to do this (maybe because I am scared, but I know I’m not happy).
He is going through a tough time with his grandmother having cancer, and I feel like I am supposed to wait for this to pass, but will it pass? I want it to be as painless as possible for him. Truthfully, I know that he knows something is missing, I think he feels it too. But I think he’d rather stay together because it’s easier than breaking up. Any help would be great. ~Sad That it’s Over ~
Dear STO: The Bitter Single Guy feels for both of you and sort of agrees with your soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend: it IS easier to stay in a spark-less relationship than it is to break up, but that doesn’t make it the right decision.
Dead-end jobs, dead-end relationships, and dead-end wardrobe choices are all escape-able and someone has to make the tough decisions. That said, STO, the BSG wants you to have the very useful experience of saying that you did everything you could. So here’s what to do (if you haven’t already):

  1. Tell him. Yup…tell him that you’re not getting what you want in the relationship. Have this conversation in a tone of “let’s find a way to resolve this so we’re both getting our needs met” sort of fashion, NOT in a “you better do things to make me happy” sort of fashion. But start the conversation.
  2. Talk about how sex is important to you and “I don’t have a normal sex drive” means you expect him to see his doctor, or exercise more, or eat more broccoli, or whatever it takes to get a normal-ish sex drive. As you imply here, you’re in this together. Make sure he’s thinking that too.
  3. It’s sucky that his grandmother has cancer. Feel sorry for him, be supportive of him, and also decide how long you’re willing to be unhappy while that’s happening. If it’s a year, that’s awesome. If it’s more than a year, that might be a little masochistic.
  4. TELL him what you need from him. Talk about how you can help with anger issues.

By the way, the BSG is pretty sure (as you are) that none of this will work. You’re already checking out, but having these conversations will make sure that when you’re missing him in a month, you won’t have that “now why did we break up again?” conversation with yourself because you’ll know why. ~BSG~

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