Dear Bitter Single Guy: I have dated my bf for 5 years. We met, he was interested but I had a serious bf. Eight months later we run into each other, he finds out I’m single & snatched me right up! The first 2 years we lived in the same town & saw each other every day. The year after that he moved 2 hours away. We saw each other every other week. The next year he moved 4 hours away & we still saw each other every other week. We called & skyped multiple times a day. Then he has a big career decision to make. It would move him much closer, about 1.5 hours away but I told him to base his decision on happiness not just being closer. He’s a little worried about the decision but things seem normal. He even finds a house he could buy & asks when I can move in if he bought it & took the new job. Then he shows up for the 3 day weekend we have planned for his birthday & says he can’t do the distance anymore. He loves me & I’m his best friend & he doesn’t know if this is his best or worst decision ever, but he has to do it for him. He’s always lonely & depressed all by himself so far away. He has to make this decision on his own. He promised he would keep in touch. He did for 10 days. He sent texts saying he hoped his pudn (my nickname he gave me) was ok & told me he loves me. Now I haven’t heard from him in over a week. His interview is in 4 days, but he’s guaranteed the new job if he wants it. I am making him contact me. I’m not texting or calling him. When he broke the news I told him not to worry, I had already been thinking & doing research on jobs I could find to move to be with him no matter where he ended up. He said he doesn’t want me to give up my dream job. What is going through his head? Is he just really stressed out? Does he really love me? I feel like we are in a sort of limbo as he expressed distress, but never said we were broken up. He never said we were over & the couple times we talked on the phone after were like old times, not awkward how do we act like friends now. Is he gonna come back around? I asked if there was another girl. He assured me there was not. He said he is not even gonna see other girls. What is going on & what should I do? Do I even send him a good luck text for his interview or ignore that is even happening? I love him with all my heart & just want him to be happy, I’m just very confused & so are all my friends. They are shocked & at a loss for words & advice. ~At A Loss~
Dear AAL: The Bitter Single Guy was, he has to admit, also a little confused by where your relationship has landed based on your letter, and heck…the BSG usually doesn’t get confused! OK, he wasn’t that confused and he found a clue that tells him what’s going on here.
You say you asked if there was another girl and he assured you there was not and that he isn’t even going to see other girls. There’s your cue, AAL. You’ve been dumped, although apparently in a somewhat wishy-washy fashion. If Stammering Stanley can’t help but send vague messages in hopes that you will get the message (seriously, the BSG HATES that), it’s up to you to figure it out and the BSG recommends concluding that you’ve been dumped.
The BSG wants you to stick with your impulse not to contact him. If you can’t stand it, then send him a “good luck on the interview” text and also tell him that you’ll wait to hear from him and if you don’t you wish him a good life. What you want here is not to be completely dependent on his communication whim, otherwise he gets to keep being wishy-washy and you get to keep asking your friends and writing the BSG to find out what the hell is going on. Good luck, AAL. ~BSG~