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She’s Afraid of Being Single

September 11th, 2012 | No Comments | Posted in Can't Get A Date

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I’m a sophomore in college, and have just recently broken off a three year relationship. It wasn’t a healthy relationship at all, I supported him and let him take advantage of me for far too long. The reason for breaking off this relationship, or what I like to think of as my reality check, was a new fellow that I met at school. I was actually moving into my apartment, when I saw a cute guy unloading the trunk of his car. I don’t know why I was feeling so ballsy that day, but after I finished unpacking I decided to write, “You’re cute. -513” and put it on a sticky note that ended up on the windshield of his car. The next day, he caught me off guard by asking if I knew who put a note on his windshield, and I in a nervous shock said, “No of course not.” Well, I wasn’t very happy to have told a lie, knowing that wouldn’t make a very good first impression, so my roommate took the liberty of putting my number on another sticky note on his car with my phone number. Needless to say, he knew it was me, and texted me the next day. We talked for a few hours and he asked for me to meet up with him, to “go on a walk.” No guy had ever asked me to go on a walk before, it was usually let’s watch a movie, or let’s hook up, etc. etc. so I was kind of excited. We walked and talked for a very long time, he took me for a drive in his car and ultimately invited me up to his apartment to continue our conversation. One thing led to another and he asked me to stay, I did. He didn’t try anything, well.. he kissed me and it was very wonderful. We cuddled and the next morning he walked me down to my apartment and within a few min. texted me to let me know that “I was something else.”

I typically work on the weekends, but I drove an extra 30 min. back to school just because he wanted to see me, well I couldn’t control myself and I ended up having sex with him. The night ended, I stayed with him, he again walked me down to my apartment kissed me goodbye and we went on our ways. He continued to text me, and approach me when we would see each other around campus, and I have started to like him as a person. He tells me that he cares, and misses me when I am not around, has introduced me to his friends and roommates and continues to surprise me. He is unlike any man I have ever met, and I like the way that things are going right now, I however have never been very good at being single. We have a very strange connection that I am having a hard time putting to words, and I know if this relationship, (whatever it is) continues I will ultimately develop some kind of feelings for him. He has made it clear, that he is not looking to “jump into a relationship” and I have also made it very clear that I am not used to not being in a relationship. He has told me that he is not “talking” to anyone, and meeting me has been the best thing to happen to him in a very long time. He has just transferred to this school from out of state, and I am thinking he was coming to school looking to “have a good time.” and not to connect with the first girl to show interest in him. Anyway, knowing where I stand with where we are, he still acts and behaves as if we are together, or at least “officially” talking to each other. I am new to this game, and I am not very sure on how to move forward or better yet to remain in the same place. ~Not Good at Singlehood~

Dear NGS: The Bitter Single Guy doesn’t understand…did you break up with your three year relationship BEFORE you met this new Gallant Gent? It’s unclear whether you broke it off first, or if you cheated on your crappy boyfriend then dumped him, but either way the BSG doesn’t think your question is anything about the appropriateness of the breakup with Bad Boyfriend, he’s hearing that you’re wondering how to move forward with Gallant Gent, yes?

NGS, the BSG wants you to get over your fear of being single because frankly, the jump from fully-committed relationship #1 to fully-committed relationship #2 is rarely an instantaneous thing. The path to a relationship usually looks like what you and Gallant Gent are doing…some hanging out, some kissing and cuddling, some slap-and-tickle, some meeting of friends, some romantic walks…this is called “dating” the BSG is told. Dating can often lead to relationships, but not always.

So relax, NGS. Have some fun and get to know Gallant Gent. Maybe you’ll live Happily Ever After and maybe you won’t, but the alternative is…well…bitter and single. ~BSG~

 

She Wants to Keep Her Old Man

September 7th, 2012 | No Comments | Posted in Dumped

Dear Bitter Single Guy:  So I have been on a few dates (5 dates) with this older man from work. I’m 20 years old and he told me he’s between 35 and 40. Age is not important to me. We got a along great, he told me some personal family stuff and I was happy to listen to him. He asked me if I wanted to get married and if I wanted kids. One day we went shopping and at the end of the day things got a little hot in the car. A few hours later he texted me that he’d like me to come over the next day for brunch at his place. So I said yes. I went and we had sex. Twice. It was great. A few days later I texted him that it was great and we should do it again and he answeres Yes. You’re amazing. But since that day he’s been distant and weird. A week after I ran into him at work and he asked me to go to lunch but then he canceled saying he’s too busy at work.I texted him this weekend telling him that it sucks that he doesn’t want to hang out anymore and that I see that it’s just a hit it and quit it situation. He assured me it wasn’t, he said he think I’m great and he wants to make it up to me. So why is he acting so different than before. I don’t understand. I really liked him so it kind of hurts. What should I do? My friend told me to send him a little naughty picture (not naked) just to spice things up and make him remember how good it was. Should I do that?
Please help. I do not know what to do. ~Confused By my Old Man~

Dear CBOM: Wait, this Charming Chap told you his age is “between 35 and 40” and you’ve been on 5 dates? The Bitter Single Guy hasn’t even read your whole letter and he’s going to throw down this red flag. By the way, based on that alone, let’s just go ahead and assume that Charming Chap is 40. Maybe older. Sheesh.

The BSG is still reading, but had to stop again. 5 dates in and Charming Chap wants to know if you want to get married and have kids? Has Charming Chap also recently purchased a Corvette? The BSG smells a mid-life crisis.

OK, the BSG has read to the end now and this is pretty clear. There are two possibilities here:

  1. This actually was, for Charming Chap, a ‘hit it and quit it’ experience (as you say) and once he got to sample some of your half-his-age goods he was done. This makes him a bit of a player, or at least an opportunist, and his failure to admit it to you (if not to himself) also makes him a little spineless, but the BSG isn’t willing to condemn Charming Chap for these sins…they’re common in Dating Land.
  2. Charming Chap had second thoughts about what he was building with a woman young enough to be his daughter. In age-gap relationships, the BSG often hears that the younger of the pair doesn’t mind the age gap (as you say), but almost always the OLDER member of the pair has serious reservations. Whether this is the influence of a more conservative generation, or the whole older-loving-younger dynamic (in which ghosts of pedophilia and molestation sometimes lurk…sorry, but it’s true) is anyone’s guess.

But either way CBOM, you should NOT send him a naughty picture of yourself. Charming Chap already had a clear view (assuming the lights were on during “brunch”) of what you have to offer. The BSG suggests, now that you’ve made your intentions and desires clear, that you back off and see what Charming Chap will do. The BSG fears that he’s not going to step up to a relationship or even to an explanation however. ~BSG~

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