Dear Bitter Single Guy: I’m a sophomore in college, and have just recently broken off a three year relationship. It wasn’t a healthy relationship at all, I supported him and let him take advantage of me for far too long. The reason for breaking off this relationship, or what I like to think of as my reality check, was a new fellow that I met at school. I was actually moving into my apartment, when I saw a cute guy unloading the trunk of his car. I don’t know why I was feeling so ballsy that day, but after I finished unpacking I decided to write, “You’re cute. -513” and put it on a sticky note that ended up on the windshield of his car. The next day, he caught me off guard by asking if I knew who put a note on his windshield, and I in a nervous shock said, “No of course not.” Well, I wasn’t very happy to have told a lie, knowing that wouldn’t make a very good first impression, so my roommate took the liberty of putting my number on another sticky note on his car with my phone number. Needless to say, he knew it was me, and texted me the next day. We talked for a few hours and he asked for me to meet up with him, to “go on a walk.” No guy had ever asked me to go on a walk before, it was usually let’s watch a movie, or let’s hook up, etc. etc. so I was kind of excited. We walked and talked for a very long time, he took me for a drive in his car and ultimately invited me up to his apartment to continue our conversation. One thing led to another and he asked me to stay, I did. He didn’t try anything, well.. he kissed me and it was very wonderful. We cuddled and the next morning he walked me down to my apartment and within a few min. texted me to let me know that “I was something else.”
I typically work on the weekends, but I drove an extra 30 min. back to school just because he wanted to see me, well I couldn’t control myself and I ended up having sex with him. The night ended, I stayed with him, he again walked me down to my apartment kissed me goodbye and we went on our ways. He continued to text me, and approach me when we would see each other around campus, and I have started to like him as a person. He tells me that he cares, and misses me when I am not around, has introduced me to his friends and roommates and continues to surprise me. He is unlike any man I have ever met, and I like the way that things are going right now, I however have never been very good at being single. We have a very strange connection that I am having a hard time putting to words, and I know if this relationship, (whatever it is) continues I will ultimately develop some kind of feelings for him. He has made it clear, that he is not looking to “jump into a relationship” and I have also made it very clear that I am not used to not being in a relationship. He has told me that he is not “talking” to anyone, and meeting me has been the best thing to happen to him in a very long time. He has just transferred to this school from out of state, and I am thinking he was coming to school looking to “have a good time.” and not to connect with the first girl to show interest in him. Anyway, knowing where I stand with where we are, he still acts and behaves as if we are together, or at least “officially” talking to each other. I am new to this game, and I am not very sure on how to move forward or better yet to remain in the same place. ~Not Good at Singlehood~
Dear NGS: The Bitter Single Guy doesn’t understand…did you break up with your three year relationship BEFORE you met this new Gallant Gent? It’s unclear whether you broke it off first, or if you cheated on your crappy boyfriend then dumped him, but either way the BSG doesn’t think your question is anything about the appropriateness of the breakup with Bad Boyfriend, he’s hearing that you’re wondering how to move forward with Gallant Gent, yes?
NGS, the BSG wants you to get over your fear of being single because frankly, the jump from fully-committed relationship #1 to fully-committed relationship #2 is rarely an instantaneous thing. The path to a relationship usually looks like what you and Gallant Gent are doing…some hanging out, some kissing and cuddling, some slap-and-tickle, some meeting of friends, some romantic walks…this is called “dating” the BSG is told. Dating can often lead to relationships, but not always.
So relax, NGS. Have some fun and get to know Gallant Gent. Maybe you’ll live Happily Ever After and maybe you won’t, but the alternative is…well…bitter and single. ~BSG~