Dear Bitter Single Guy: You have an awesome column and a great writing style. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I have a short, open-ended question: What are your thoughts on when to end a relationship?
The type of relationship I have in mind is one that’s comfortable and good, but wherein one (or all) of the people involved don’t see it going anywhere.
They have a good time together, love each other, but don’t see themselves building a life together for some reason. Maybe one person wants a family and the other wants to be child-free. Or one of them wants to get married, but the other doesn’t ever want to be married.
At what point do you think the relationship should end?
I hope this isn’t TOO open-ended, I’m just interested in hearing/reading about your thoughts on the subject ~Questing for an Answer~
The Bitter Single Guy appreciates your appreciation of his advice…thanks for that. To your question, the BSG’s initial reaction is that if you’re thinking about ending a relationship, then there is a good chance that it’s time to end the relationship. But the BSG appreciates your quest or answers here so will try to get a little more thoughtful in his response.
If the BSG can get a little Dr. Philish on you, he would say that thoughts about your relationship ot going anywhere seem to indicate that you believe there is somewhere else to go whether it be marriage or some less tangible advancement. If both you and your partner both believe there is somewhere else to go…more importantly, if you believe there is somewhere else you WANT to go, then the BSG hopes at a minimum that you’re having that conversation.
And while the BSG thinks he could happily wander intellectually through what all that means, he fears that he would lose you (assuming he hasn’t already). QFA here is the BSG’s advice: you and your partner need to talk about where else it is you want to go and either decide that you are both ready to make the changes in your relationship to head that way, or you should decide to split up. The BSG fears (as you do) that the desire for something more wont go away and you’ll stay in this relationship until you’re both frustrated and you split up in anger.
Frankly, breaking up out of anger is easier in many ways…our friends don’t always understand how we could peacefully step away from a relatively functional relationship in order to seek some amorphous idea of “more”, but the BSG believes this is better than the angry alternative.
QFA the BSG wants to also say clearly what he has read about and heard about but never experienced: sometimes a lull in a relationship can be a harbinger of some cool breakthrough into something you never even knew you wanted, but realize once you found it that it was right for you all along yadda yadda yadda. You get the BSG’s drift here, just don’t throw in the towel too soon. Let your bitterness guide you.