Hi Bitter Single Guy: I have been taking guitar lessons for a few months and have found myself completely infatuated with my instructor. There is a kindness about him that I’m quite drawn to and he’s a very talented musician. He is also a bit younger than me (which doesn’t bother me at all).
However, I’m unsure how to tell him how I feel because I run the risk of rejection and having to find another instructor. I really don’t want to find another instructor as he’s quite talented and I enjoy learning the guitar. He has become the best and worst part of my week. It is great to see him and learn music, but then I have to leave him and try to spend the next week forgetting about him when in truth I want more. Sometimes I feel like he’s interested, but I can’t tell. We have a lot of things in common ranging from sports to music.
Once I had sent him an email asking if he wanted to hang out with me and a group of friends at a local band concert. It was about a day before I heard back from him and he thanked me for the invitation and said that he was actually playing a show up in Lexington. I didn’t mention the show or email at all to him the next time I saw him. His response leads me to believe that he’s not interested. I don’t know if I should tell him how I feel the next time I have my lesson or just leave it alone. However, I’m consumed by thoughts of him and truly want to be with him. If he doesn’t want me then I need to move on and learn to forget him. It is getting too difficult to see him every week and not having it be more than just guitar lessons. ~Wicked Confused~
Dear WC: The Bitter Single Guy knows all too well what it’s like for someone to occupy his waking moments in a wistful sort of obsession. It probably seems romantic, but the BSG and you know that it’s actually hellish.
WC, this is easy but painful in the BSG’s opinion. You have to say something. This will result in one of two outcomes:
He feels the same and your guitar lessons suddenly get AWESOME as your obsession blossoms into dating then love, after which the obsession will die (because they always do) and the fantasy version of Guitar Man will be replaced by the action version of Guitar Man, which will make you sad that he’s not what you thought he was and you’ll argue. This may be the end of a tumultuous 6 months, or will be the beginning of a long relationship based in reality.
He doesn’t feel the same and suddenly guitar lessons become totally awkward and you have to find another teacher. You and the BSG both know that this is the more likely of the two outcomes, but ignoring it isn’t going to make it go away. As long as you sit at Guitar Man’s knee learning his craft, you’re going to be continually obsessed and as long as you don’t tell him you’ll stay firmly in the limbo you’re in now. So do it. Tell him. At the very least, you’ll know that you did all you could. ~BSG~