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Horrible Heartbreak Part 2

July 30th, 2013 | No Comments | Posted in Dumped

Some Awkward Nincompoopery
Part 2

Dear Readers, yesterday’s installment of nincompoopery introduced us to SAN where he set up this unfolding drama with his desire to have a life-long relationship just like his grandparents: full of arguments and light on happiness. Imagine the BSG’s reaction (or just read it). We continue here with the story already in process…

I never searched for a high school sweetheart to spend my life with, but I did in fact end up falling in love with, in my eyes, the most beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes on (Sydney). We dated for almost two years. About 5 months before we broke up, I stupidly sent and received inappropriate texts from a couple girls. I think I just got an adrenaline rush the few times I did it, and when our conversations ended, I felt horrible. One day, 3 months before we broke up, while at work with my best friend, I told him I was going to stop. I had full intensions of never going behind her back again. Coincidently, that same day, I was hanging out with my girlfriend and I got a text from one of the girls. I left the room right as I saw her name on my phone screen. I told her never to do that again. To make a long story short, all the girls decided to tell her that same night about what had happened. I’ve never felt any lower in my entire life. To see somebody who I loved that much, crushed, by something I did, destroyed me. I can’t even out into words of how broken my heart was knowing that the cause of all her pain was because of my foolish actions. I knew what I was doing was wrong but I never thought that THAT could happen. I told her to leave me, I told her she has no reason to have to forgive me. But she decided against that, she told me she would give me a second chance. After she said that, I did anything and everything for her, not to suck up, but rather to let her know that I really cared. I never let her down again. I thought everything was perfect. Her happiness was my happiness. Then, after one of the most amazing days I’ve ever had with her, it quickly went down hill. I went to a friends house to watch the fights, she went to a friend to “babysit.” Little did I know, her friend was having a party. I found out and showed up…

Dear SAN,
The Bitter Single Guy has to say that he’s not fooled here, although he thinks that perhaps you’re so bought into this part of the story that maybe YOU’RE fooled. The first part of this section you say that you were sexting with “a couple of girls”, then when you got caught, you say that “all the girls decided to tell her”, so exactly how many girls were you sexting with SAN? Never mind, it doesn’t matter. What matters, aside from your attempt to write pretty language around it, is that you cheated. Yeah, the BSG realizes that you don’t say you got naked with any of these girls, but the BSG bets that the girls thought that was going to happen and the BSG absolutely KNOWS that you thought about it…likely while you were having intimate time with Perfect Girl. Seriously SAN, if you can’t admit this to the BSG, he at least hopes you’re admitting it to yourself.

So the gist is that you had a Perfect Girl, you cyber-cheated on her and you got caught. This is not really tragic, this is life.

OK SAN, the BSG is going to lighten up on you a little here. The titillation of something new is tough to avoid and the slope gets slippery pretty quickly in the BSG’s unfortunate experience, which is to say, he’s sure that you convinced yourself that the first text of “how’s your day?”, or some such nonsense, was perfectly innocent. But the BSG knows you SAN, and you and he both know that although the words were innocent, the intent wasn’t. So then it goes from “how’s your day?”, to “you looked really good in that shirt”, to “you looked really HOT in that shirt”. Feel the slipperiness of that slope, SAN? So you did what many people have done…you took your relationship for granted while you got off (metaphorically at least, perhaps literally) on sexting with someone forbidden, until it bit you in the ass (probably just metaphorically). And all your intentions (that you even told your friend! Yay for your intentions!) about stopping the cyber-cheating didn’t actually amount to anything because you didn’t stop before you got caught.

OK so you cyber-cheated and got caught. You debased yourself and told Perfect Girl to dump you. She chose instead to give you a second chance and everything was great. In fact, as you say “her happiness was your happiness”. This is a huge red flag for the BSG, but it’s actually sort of in line with what he’s read already. This is poetic, SAN, but not realistic.

The BSG, for the sake of his readers, is going to leave us all on this cliff hanger of what happened at the babysitting party. Tune in tomorrow, because it just keeps going.

Best Online Dating Sites

July 30th, 2013 | No Comments | Posted in Tips For Love

The BSG has wanted for YEARS to do an analysis of online dating sites, but he’s been lazy and hasn’t done it. Thankfully these nice folks have. You’re welcome.

Horrible Heartbreak Part 1

July 28th, 2013 | No Comments | Posted in Dumped, Tips For Love

Dear Readers,
What follows is the beginning of an incredibly long letter. The BSG generally limits the letters to which he responds to about 250 words. Really…any more is just too long for the BSG to read and he knows you…you’re too impatient to slog through all that.

The following original letter is more than 1800 words. The BSG is hoping that this young man didn’t type this on his phone.

That aside, there’s a lot here that the BSG just can’t let go. So he’ll be breaking this letter into segments and publishing one segment each day for a few days. The BSG’s apologies to the lovelorn writer, but this is a more-than-one-session problem. So here goes with part 1.

Dear Bitter Single Guy: When I was younger, my grandma told me a story about how her and my grandpa met.. “I was a freshman in high school and he was either junior or senior. We both walked to school everyday.. on opposite sides of the street. I don’t remember exactly why or when, but one day he crossed the street and started walking with me from then on.” They’ve been together ever since. I will never forget that story. And since then I’ve always dream about having that kind of relationship. A long. Healthy. Relationship. Although my grandparents do seem to argue more than most, and my dad said they might of been happier if they separated, I’ve always admired what they had. They never left each others side, through thick and thin, they made it work. ~Some Awkward Nincompoopery~

Dear SAN,
This first section is where the BSG knew he needed to break in DURING this letter, rather than at the end. Look at what you wrote here, SAN: you dream of a long healthy relationship (you put periods after “long” and “healthy” to, the BSG is sure, emphasize the importance of those. But then you say that they argue more than most and that your dad says they might have been happier separated. Happier. That’s right there, SAN. So the BSG has to ask…you seem to prefer a long unhappy relationship to a series of shorter happy ones? For the BSG that dog just won’t hunt, but he’s notorious for wanting to be happy. Really, he’s just sort of selfish that way and he wonders why others (you in this case, SAN) aren’t similarly selfish about their happiness.

Tune in tomorrow for part 2.

Dyke with Drama

July 23rd, 2013 | No Comments | Posted in What The Hell?

Dear Readers, the BSG knows he’s been long absent from these pages and he has no good excuse except that it’s summer and he’s been out carousing in the sunshine. He’s glad for those of you who have stuck around and he promises not to abandon you again. Although if you know the BSG at all you know that he’ll undoubtedly let you down again eventually. There you have it. But here’s a letter anyway!

Hi BSG!

First off, just wanted to say I think you’re awesome, and I wish you’d post more often.  Not complaining though, I’m sure you’re a busy man.

I have kind of a convoluted problem:

I’m a lesbian, or at least that’s what I generally tell people.  Sometimes I say I’m bi, but usually I think of myself as a dyke who sleeps with dudes on occasion.  I would never be in a relationship with one though, just wouldn’t work for me.

So I have this FWB who’s a guy I met through craigslist (classy, huh?) and have been seeing for the past few months.  He’s very sweet and a total gentleman, and if he was a lady or a transwoman I’d be his girlfriend in a heartbeat.  We do plenty of other things together besides have sex, so it is a true FWB relationship.  We’re also very transparent about other people we’re dating, and always use protection even though we’ve both been tested, so no chance of anybody catching anything nasty.

Okay, so that’s the dealio with him.  About a week ago I met this wonderful girl through OKCupid.  (In case you’re wondering, I pretty much have to use dating sites because of the small and conservative town in which I live.) I’m falling hard and fast for her and we’ve only been out on four dates so far, but of course there are potential issues.

  1. She’s 19, I’m 23.
  2. She has never been in any sort of relationship before.
  3. She’s a virgin and has never even been kissed before.
  4. Probably partially because of the first 3 things, she’s really shy around me.

Here’s my actual question:  Do I stop sleeping with craigslist guy? (I’d still hang out with him.)  And do I/when do I tell OKCupid girl about him?

I want to tread lightly with my budding relationship because of her inexperience, and don’t want to scare her off.  I realize it’s super early to even think about being exclusive, but I don’t want her to find out later that I was sleeping with someone else while dating her and feel betrayed.  If I just stop sleeping with him and don’t tell her, I’m worried it would put too much pressure  on the relationship in my own mind, and if she breaks it off with me I would be way too upset.  Already I’m aware that I’m becoming infatuated with her extremely quickly.  Also, I haven’t told her that I sometimes sleep with dudes, and I think the fact that he happens to be one would feel like an extra measure of betrayal.  But…I don’t know.  My normal course of action in a relationship dilemma is to have a frank discussion and take care of the elephant in the room, but in this case I feel even mentioning the possibility of being exclusive or not this early would frighten her away.  I’m not even sure that she likes me.  I’m the one asking her out on dates/initiating most conversations, and she could just be going along with it to have someone to hang out with and pay for most outings.  Or, she could like me and just be shy, I have no clue.  Women are so damn complicated, aren’t they?  So BSG, what do I do/when do I do it?  Or am I way over-thinking this and should just chill the heck out?

Sorry for the long, rambling letter, but I do hope you’ll answer it.  If not, that’s cool too, I’ll still read your stuff:)  Thanks, BSG! ~Dyke With Drama

Dear DWD:  The BSG wants to thank you for your concise laying out of your situation. It’s an interesting one! And because you give him so much to work with, the BSG is going to hit several points.

First, Craigslist Guy: The BSG is a little confused about why you like hanging out with this guy and like having sex with him, but won’t date him because he wasn’t born with a vagina. Seriously, if liking hanging out and liking having sex isn’t a relationship, then clearly the BSG isn’t doing it right. But whatever DWD, the BSG is nothing if not an appreciator of boundaries.

So then, on to OKCupid Girl. Here’s what’s going to happen. You are going to put Craigslist Guy on hold for a short while. If you’ve actually got the elusive FWB thing going on, he’ll totally understand that you’re going to try dating someone.

Then you’re going to keep it going with OKCupid Girl and that relationship is going to fail miserably (if it hasn’t already). You’re thinking “But BSG, how can you doom my relationship so quickly?!” Here’s how:

  1. She’s 19 and you’re 23 – These are very different ages from an adult development perspective.
  2. She’s never been any sort of relationship before – Really? Not with a man OR a woman? Yeah, she’s going to implode. BEST case scenario she’ll pin all her future hopes and dreams on you, believing that you’ll be together until you’re old and withered. She’ll totally idealize you and at some point that fact that you’re human and not a goddess will come crashing down and it’ll be ugly. WORSE case scenario, is that you date, you kiss, you get some under-the-shirt action going on and she’ll freak out about not being gay and you trapped her and then you’ll REALLY know what ugly is.
  3. She’s a virgin and has never really been kissed before – Seriously DWD, this is a huge responsibility. Heck, someone has to do it, but OKCupid Girl is going to attach all SORTS of first-time juju to you that will be tough to work through.
  4. She’s really shy around you – and you’re initiating all the dates and you’re the Experienced Dyke while she’s a 19 year-old dyke wannabe (she thinks). Right now you’re driving this bus, DWD and while there’s a chance she might get into the groove of it, it’s WAY more likely that you will be her first SOMETHING (kiss, sex, girlfriend, or all three).

But the bottom line here DWD is that there are too many variables against this being a successful relationship. That said, the BSG definitely thinks you should go there…if your’e titillated and she’s excited and going along, it’ll at least be fun and memorable. Then, when it all falls apart, call Craigslist Guy. He’ll want to hear all about it and will likely be turned on by the girl-on-girl part of it, too.

BSG

 

 

 

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