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First Bachelor Pad

August 30th, 2013 | No Comments | Posted in What The Hell?

This is a guest post by Terrence Filmont (bio below)

In the US, nearly 33 million people live alone, according to US Census data. Getting your first place without roommates is an exciting experience and a definite step up from dorm room living—if you’re well prepared.

Get the Essentials

If you lived with roommates before or in a dorm, a lot of your furniture needs were taken care of, either by the school or your fellow housemates. On your own, you need to invest in your own pieces. Even if your pad is a temporary situation, it doesn’t have to feel that way. Get comfortable and classy pieces of furniture that you’ll want to keep for years to come. Remember, a milk crate is not a table and a futon is not a bed. Pieces you’ll definitely need include a real bed, a couch, small dining table and a desk. Try shopping thrift and consignment shops first. Look for solid wood furniture that will last. You can always refinish it or update the hardware if you don’t love the look.

Clean it Up

Living alone isn’t an excuse to live like a slob. Sure, no one is nagging you about the mess, but you’ll probably want to have company over sometime. The last thing you want is for your date to run away the second you open the door or dump you after she gets a look at the state of your bathroom. Keeping your place clean doesn’t require a lot of extra work on your part, if you form good daily habits.

Make the bed every morning after you get up. It takes less than a minute and, according to Psychology Today, it makes people happier. Wipe out the sink after you shave, wash your face, and brush your teeth each morning. Get a daily shower cleaner than you spray in the tub after your shower. You can leave the dishes in the sink until the end of the day to save water and energy.

Secure Your Stuff

Get in the habit of locking the door and using a chain lock whenever you’re in house. Remember to lock the doors and windows when you head out, too. An alarm system can also keep your new place secure. Home alarm systems, according to www.SecurityCompanies.com, do more than protect against break-ins. They can also help detect threats from fire, flooding, freezing and carbon monoxide.

Add Some Fun

It’s time to make your new place reflect your personality and style, through decor and the features you choose. If you love to watch the game, create a sports zone in your new pad with a big television and a comfortable reclining chair.

Even small touches can make your place your own. If you love art, look for real paintings rather than prints. Work by a local artist or an up-and-comer can be affordable and distinctive. You can also choose to embrace your inner kid and set up a fun toy, such as a race car track or train set in your living room or a ping-pong table where most people would have a dining table.

 

Author bio: Terrence is happy as long as he’s writing about, talking about or playing games. He was the first kid on his street to have an Atari, which he still plays.

The BSG Sells Out (2)

August 28th, 2013 | No Comments | Posted in What The Hell?

So if you saw the BSG’s last post you know that the BSG was a recent sell out. A nice lady at a nice company emailed the BSG about trying out a product called Rounderbum Gluteal Shaper from Rounderwear.  Yep. Rounderbum as in “rounder bum” as in your bum will be rounder than before donning the gluteal shaper, as in ass enhancing underwear.

Yep. The BSG, in the service of consumer research, put on a pair of ass-padded underwear solely so he could write about the experience.

Firstly, you may be asking yourself “Why, BSG! Why would you do this borderline creepy thing! We thought you had MORALS!” Well it turns out the BSGs morals can easily include padded underwear. By the way, the BSG wants to point out that ‘front padded’ underwear was an option, but he wasn’t sure how he was going to explain that to his grandmother so he went with the much more demure ass padding.

Now it seems important to point out that the nice men modeling their Gluteal Shapers have little in common with the BSG with the exception (he assumes) of a penis. Otherwise, the BSG feels compelled to point out that he may not be the Rounderbum people’s target audience. In face, when compared to the zero-body-fat-six-packed-gentleman on the cover of the box (below), the BSG’s current un-enhanced ass might actually be called sufficient. Or perhaps already somewhat padded by nature and age. The BSG isn’t saying that he has a fat ass exactly, but seriously, look at this guy! The BSG thinks he would likely have been able to get a date even without the additional gluteal shaping, but hey…every little bit counts, right?

Because that’s what we’re talking about here, isn’t it? Why would one wear an enhanced undergarment? Why, in the 1980’s, did women’s fashion feature shoulder pads (seriously…WHY?)? Because someone at some point decides that it will result in increased attractiveness and increased attractiveness means that strangers on the street will want to date the BSG (and, theoretically, the shoulder-padded women from the 1980’s). And when we say “date” the BSG, what we mean…in the evolutionary sense of the word…is that someone will want to get into the BSG’s pants. His padded, gluteal enhanced pants.

So yes, the BSG put on padded underwear to see if it increased his confidence and even better…increased the number of people who came up to him on the street and smiled, leered, or propositioned him. What could possibly go wrong? Stay tuned….

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The BSG Sells Out

August 25th, 2013 | No Comments | Posted in What The Hell?

Imagine if you will, that you are a blogger. Back in the BSG’s early beginnings, there were no blogs, there were only websites and back then he was just a writer (of dubious skill, some might add). But these days the BSG is a blogger. Imagine you too, are a blogger.

Imagine now that you get an email from a company that makes a product. They want to send you a sample of this product in hopes that you will write about it. Would you do it? Would you take a product from a company and try said product with the plan of reporting about your experience?

Imagine now that the product is NOT a chocolate bar or a snazzy hat. Imagine that the product is NOT a flavored coffee or a cruelty-free toothpaste.

Imagine instead that the product this company wants you to try out is an undergarment. Underwear. Imagine further that this company has added an interesting ‘enhancement’ to their underwear. Would you try the product? Further, would you try the product while you happened to be hosting an event in front of about 200 people?

Would you, dear reader, announce to the audience of about 200 that in the interest of consumer research that you were wearing padded underwear?

The BSG did. More to come…

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Horrible Heartbreak Part 5

August 9th, 2013 | No Comments | Posted in I'm A Tool

Some Awkward Nincompoopery
Part 5

Dear Readers, in the most recent installment of nincompoopery our hero SAN learned of Perfect Girl’s indiscretion, immediately following his own indiscretion. The BSG called him out a little for his hypocrisy, but mostly told him to get over himself. Here now is the conclusion of this ridiculously long letter.

Dear BSG: So I told her I could forgive her. And a month later made her my girlfriend again. Here I am now, 10 months after loosing the love of my life to a horrible person, I’m with her..but I feel like nothing is the same. She is the same person I fell in love with, but I don’t look at her like the angel I used to see. I still love her with all my heart. I feel like being with her though makes me feel like I have no self respect or pride. I bring it up randomly, and I feel as though we never go a day without talking (truthfully fighting) about it. My emotions are completely bipolar. She tells me she loves me and appreciates me more now. She says that what she did was necessary in helping her find out what she really wanted in a life long relationship. She explains how in doing so, she was able to find herself….but at the same time, I feel as though I lost myself. I have no control of anything. No matter what she says or does, it’s never enough to make me forget. I want to be with her, she’s the one. What do I do though? Is she really the ONE, or WAS she the one? How do I get over such a demoralizing reality? She hates when I want to talk about it, always saying, “are we really going to ruin the whole day we had,” “are we really going to fight about this again,” “why does that stuff matter, I’m with you now and this time I know you’re everything I want.” What she doesn’t realize is that, I’m still healing, and she doesn’t understand because she kept that from me so long and she herself got time to get over it, I never got that.

Will I ever be able to look at her like I used to? Will I ever accept the past? Will things ever actually be the same between us? I used to hate sleeping, because my dreams sucked compared to my life. Now it seems the other way around, like I’m living in a nightmare, but will I ever wake up? I’m lost. I have no direction. Am I in love with her? Or am I in love with how she used to be when she was mine the first time? I took pride in knowing I had a girl like her, and now, I feel as though I’m only with her because I think everything will just disappear, and one day I’ll wake up and everything will be how it used to be. I know there’s a million girls out there, but she’s the only one I would cross the road for to walk with. I’m messed up and confused..any thoughts or advice would help….what’s life if you can’t be with the one person always dreamed of loving? And what’s life if that person you dreamed of is long gone and the dream you had, will always be a dream?….

Dear SAN, the Bitter Single Guy has a lot to say here. You start by saying that things aren’t the same; she’s not the perfect angel she once was. SAN that’s correct…she was NEVER a perfect angel, you just chose not to see her as a regular fallible person. So if you have no more self respect or pride, the BSG thinks that’s totally your issue and NOT something you should be laying at Perfect Girl’s feet.

OK, you fight a lot because you’re having a tough time getting over the fact that she made THE SAME MISTAKE YOU DID. Whatever, the BSG doesn’t expect you to be perfect, but he does expect you to open your damned eyes. Yes SAN, it will take you time to get over her indiscretion. Have you asked her how she is doing getting over yours?

Honestly, SAN….the whole “I hated sleeping because my life was better than a dream and now I live in a nightmare” makes the BSG want to just call this as he sees it. You’re being a drama queen. Seriously SAN get over yourself. Here’s the gist;
No, your relationship with Perfect Girl won’t ever be the same, but it’s supposed to grow and evolve. In this case it’s evolving because you were both stupid, but evolution has come about for worse reasons.
If you used to take pride in having a Perfect Girl, you now need to learn to have pride in having (and being had by) a Normal Girl. This is a better deal for you.
If you are in this relationship because your’e waiting for it to be like it used to be, just get out now. This is like the people who get jobs working at their high school because they’re waiting for their life at 40 to feel just like their life did at 16. Seriously, it’s pathetic.

Honestly SAN, the BSG just doesn’t think this is going anywhere for you. You’re so wrapped up in some romance novel image of what your perfect relationship will be to the point that you think it’s going to stay perfect and unmoving until you both die.

You and Perfect Girl have had to deal with the reality of having a relationship…the ugly, sometimes painful, sometimes unsatisfying, sometimes dishonest parts of having a relationship. Decide to move forward as the people you are now, or split up. And seriously dude…stop being such a drama queen. You made this bed, so feel free to lie down and get comfy.

The BSG knows he’s been hard on you here SAN, but your letter reflected what the BSG thinks is a serious amount of delusion and he thinks you need a kick in the ass to get you out of your own head. You’re welcome. ~BSG~

Horrible Heartbreak Part 4

August 6th, 2013 | No Comments | Posted in Stay Or Go?

Some Awkward Nincompoopery
Part 4

Dear Readers, yesterday’s installment of nincompoopery saw our hero fall to his knees in despair (seriously, it’s actually in the letter…the BSG can’t make this shit up) when Perfect Girl got drunk and dumped him for cheating. Turns out she was actually just a human. Who knew? (OK, all the rest of us knew) But it’s not over yet, we continue here with the story already in process…

Dear BSG: So, I went on with my life, I was in a few short, unhealthy relationships, and always found myself forcing feelings. 6 months later, after seeing him (Player Guy) and her (Perfect Angel) exchange those three words (I love you) publicly, they broke up. I talked to her about it, and found out he was more of a horrible person than I thought. In their relationship, they fought constantly, he talked to her like a dog, he constantly brought her down, and just flat out treated her like shit. I was doing better than average at the time. Then 8 months after we broke up, we decided to meet up and talk. We were best friends when we dated, and when we talked, all the old feelings came back. I thought I understood completely why she did what she did. “It was out of pain because of what I did.” We kissed. I finally felt alive again, I blew the girl off who I was currently seeing off right away. Because my love for Sydney just felt right. After constantly hanging out and talking to Sydney for about a month straight, she had my heart again…then one night she said something that made my heart sink to my stomach, “I need to tell you something.”

She told me she cheated on me a week before she ended things with me. She said one night she snuck out of her house (something she would never even consider doing with me, although we always talked about her doing it one time) and she met up with him, had a few hour conversation with him, and when they were leaving each other, then kissed. Yes, I know, kissing doesn’t seem like a huge deal, but that whole time she was telling me she loved me, she was kissing him earlier that night, and most likely the next day. She went on to tell me how she started texting him under one of her girlfriends name over two week before she cheated. I was confused. How could she keep that from me for 8 months? Why was I not worth telling? Why didn’t she tell me she did that (something that happened while we were dating) instead of telling me she had sex with him while we weren’t dating. It’s like she wanted to get to me love her again just so I couldn’t get away this time. ~Some Awkward Nincompoopery~

Dear SAN: Well the BSG was advising you to get out, but he realizes that sometimes getting past difficulty can make a relationship stronger. Well OK then, let’s see how this is working out? Player Guy turned out to be a big meanie. Don’t tell the BSG that you didn’t have any “I told you so” reaction to that, but really…the BSG himself felt a little of that, so he thinks you were pretty justified. So then you and Perfect Girl got together as friends, discovered your love for each other was still there, and you jumped back into relationship together. The BSG has to say that there may be a karmic debt to pay for “blowing off the girl you were currently seeing”, but that’s for another day.

So far this all seems fine SAN, but then you descend into some nincompoopery again. So apparently somewhere in all this you sexting girls and getting caught, you now learn that Perfect Girl had a little fling herself. By the way SAN, you need to stop saying that she’s doing things that aren’t like her (like sneaking out at night) because obviously they ARE like her or she wouldn’t be doing it. Sneaking out for a late-night tryst may not have been part of her experience with YOU, but clearly she got motivated for this new guy.

So yes, she carried on her own little bit of deception while she was with you. The BSG can’t believe he has to point this out again, but in this example Perfect Girl was doing pretty much exactly what you were doing with all the sexting, wasn’t she? Yes it’s possible that she waited to share this detail until you were all back up into each other so you wouldn’t bail, but really can you blame her? The good news here is that she probably wants to preserve your relationship and that’s why she waited until you were fully back in love before telling you about her indiscretion. The BSG recommends, once you’re past feeling all hurt and stuff, thinking of this as a good thing.

OK, there is still one more part to all of this…tune in next time for the BSG’s and SAN’s dramatic conclusion. What happens to Perfect Girl? To SAN? What, in the name of all that’s holy, happens to Player Guy?! Find out in a couple more days.

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