The Bitter Single Guy’s Relationship Advice

40 Year Flirt

Dear Bitter Single Guy: Simple, met him in college. He was separated from wife, she was a bitch. He really loved his son. We fell in love, she played the kid for the winning hand. It was over! I understood, but was devastated. He was my first real love.

Five years pass, we met by chance in the mall. I still loved him. He finally was divorced, I was engaged.

It was still all there for us. But, now it was me leaving him to get married. We saw each other a lot before I got married and even after. We never slept together, but wanted to. This went on for a year, and then my husband and I moved away. It’s been forty years and we still call each other and we’ve seen each other twice. He has always said that he loves me, even if we aren’t together. This is what I don’t understand. How can he still love me, if he left me? But, if he doesn’t, then WTF! ~Long-Time Confused~

Dear LTC: The Bitter Single Guy thinks this is easy! It’s EASY to tell someone you love them when you know you can’t do anything about it! Your Fickle Flirt probably loves stringing along all this time. Every time his life is less than idyllic he gets to  imagine how much better it would be if only YOU were there!

But wait LTC, the BSG is re-reading your letter here. You’re wondering why he would leave you (40 years ago) if he loved you. But didn’t you do exactly the same thing? If the BSG reads correctly, you’re the most recent one to let your marriage get in the way here.

The BSG has two recommendations:

1. Let him go. Tell him to stop telling you that he’s in love with you. If it’s truly been 40 years, the BSG suspects that you’ve both had your families and full lives in the meantime. The BSG is a fan of folks with history together staying in touch, but it may be time to decide that you’re going to stay married (if you are) and that you need to ask him to respect your decision.
2. Don’t change anything! Really LTC, why would you? You have had genuine affection for this man (and he for you) for 40 years, so it sounds like every few months the two of you have a nice conversation; he tells you again that he loves you, you say whatever it is that you say that keeps him coming back, and you then both go back to your own lives! This seems awfully harmless to the BSG and he can’t think of any reason not to change it.

But whatever you pick, keep in mind that if you want your relationship with your Fickle Flirt to be different, you’ve got to decide what you want it to be and then figure out what your OWN role is in making it happen.

~BSG~

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