Avoiding Long Distance Drama
Dear Bitter Single Guy: I am 19 years old, and I am currently taking a year off from school. I am set to go to Brown next year. Around a month ago I met a guy online. We clicked fast, really fast. We don’t have everything in common, but we kind of complement each other. I saw him online and he saw me. We are both attracted to each other. We talked for hours, and texted each other often. I have never felt this way about anyone before. He has had many girlfriends before, I have had only one boyfriend. But this is the first time I think I’ve fallen in love with someone.
There was one huge problem however, I live in Miami and he lives in Indianapolis. After weeks of this going on I became confused and worried that this was not going to work. After all we live very far from each other and I am going to start school in another state. I have heard that most long term relationships don’t work. I told him this one day. Later that day he told me that he loved me and that he had never felt about anyone this way. He is also willing to wait for me. All this went on in less than a month. I love talking to him, and I have feelings for him. At the same time, we live far. Also, I have not dated more guys and I feel that if I fall too far for this guy I will be missing many opportunities in the future. After hours of talking we came to the conclusion that we need to stop talking to each other until I figure out what I want. Either way he told me that he loves me. I am very confused. I don’t know what to do. Help? ~Looking At Long Distance~
Dear LALD: You’re right, this isn’t going to work.
The Bitter Single Guy doesn’t feel like stringing you along like Long-Distance Lad is doing, so he’s just saying it out loud: this relationship is doomed. The pressure of long distance, you not being sure what you want and starting school will all prove to be too much for your fledgling love.
Tell Long-Distance Lad that you love him too, but one of you has to be strong for both of you (suddenly, this is like an after-school special), so you have to tell him goodbye. Go to college, meet boys, have dates…it’s your destiny. ~BSG~
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Says:
June 15th, 2009 at 10:42 pm
I grant you that many long distance relationships fall to pieces- mainly due to the fact that they take a great deal of work. This hardship, in some individuals, is too much to bear. But at the same time, I completely disagree with the statement that her relationship is therefore doomed since she is going to college and states away from the man.
The missing piece in this proverbial puzzle is just how well this man knows her. Does he understand her like no other? Does he seem to balance her out (his strengths being her weaknesses)? Maybe, just maybe, this man she was with was far better then any male in her local area. College guys aren’t always the best thing out there. Though I do believe there are some exceptions.
What I don’t agree with is continuing this ever present taboo against the possibility of a long distance relationship not working. The internet is revolutionizing communications and relationships as we know it. While, as you might argue, on the internet we are given a shade of anonymity that allows us to cast ourselves in an entirely false light- it also gives individuals who’s lives, trials, tibulations and even personality flaws that in local arenas would make it impossible to find love- to have a chance at finding something more. The internet can allow people to not be caught up in those emotional and situational ties and simply be one on one with another person. Rather then spending months simply wrapped up in the physicality of the relationship and making the motions about the random favorite movies et cetera.. You can instead get to know the heart of the person. You find out their dreams, deepest desires, who they truly are as an individual and what they want out of life. (The sort of thing most married couples are clueless about and inevitably can end to strife and divorce).
It is a new arena that shouldn’t be cast aside so flippantly in my eyes. Yes it can fail, yes distance is a bugger at times- but in some ways a long distance relationship is far closer then a real one. You can spend hours a day chatting on the phone and truly revelling in one another rather then sitting around in front of the television making random conversation. Sure, the physicality is necessary in a relationship- but why should a single person be limited to the local gents and ladies when perhaps a better match is tens, hundreds..even thousands of miles away?