Breaking Out of A Rut
Dear Bitter Single Guy: I’ve been dating a guy off and on for about a year. We’re juniors in college and the off periods have pretty much always been because we’re both a little weary of serious relationships. About 3 months ago, he made out with a friend of mine while I was in the next room (right after we had had sex, actually.) He stopped the kissing pretty soon after it started, which both he and the girl told me.
We broke up, got back together, broke up again. After dating for so long, we’ve become really close and I really do love him. I’ve met his family and we get along great. He asked if we could be friends while he gets his shit together because I think he realized that he really screwed up. I feel like I have two choices: try to stay friends and give him a second chance at being someone worth trusting OR decide he’s a complete douche and move on.
I don’t want to be unforgiving, and I miss him like crazy when I don’t see him, but I don’t want to be that stupid girl that lets the asshole string her along forever. He says he loves me and he gets this sad look on his face every time he sees me and I know that people make mistakes, but I don’t want to set myself up to get hurt again. What should I do? ~Unsure Of Him~
Dear UOH: The Bitter Single Guy wants you to entertain the idea that taking him back or deciding that he’s a douche and moving on are not the only choices here.
As you describe your relationship, the BSG believes that you’re both just hanging on to this relationship because it’s easy, even though neither of you is very invested anymore. The BSG thinks you should take Cheating Chap’s incredibly tacky move (really? Just after you had sex? C’mon, now.) as the clear sign that it’s past time to amicably move the hell on. This will be hard because clearly your relationship is like the comfortable rut that you fall into because it’s easier than blazing a new trail. Heck you two have even made a rut out of breaking up and getting back together!
You’re done, UOH. Be the bigger person and tell Cheating Chap that he’s getting what he wanted…to be single. The BSG also recommends a no-contact time in order to keep from falling back into that comfy rut. ~BSG~
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