Can’t Stop Thinking About my BF’s Best Friend
Well BSG this is how it is: I’ve been dating this guy for a really long time, and he’s not exactly the best boyfriend in the world but other than some minor faults he’s a great guy.
HOWEVER…
as of late (since October sometime) I have found myself very attracted to his best friend. Maybe a little TOO attracted, I’ve begun to lose interest in being intimate with the boyfriend I have! I know for a fact the other guy has a thing for me, which doesn’t help my case any.
I can’t stop thinking about this person, but obviously it’s not like he would date me anyway even if I broke up with my current man (being his best friend and what-not). Am I losing it? ~Wandering Eye~
Dear WE: The Bitter Single Guy sees two things going on here. The first is that you’re lukewarm about your relationship. But because there’s nothing actually wrong, you’re settling for lukewarm. The BSG doesn’t think this is necessarily a bad thing, he himself has floated comfortably in lukewarm waters for extended periods of time. It can be very relaxing, if somewhat numbing.
BUT THEN…
From your lukewarm relationship you suddenly get a view of a tasty treat that you think would spice things up and now lukewarm seems kind of annoying and clingy. Yes, the BSG said clingy.
Again WE, two things here: decide whether or not to stay in your relationship (that’s one), and decide whether you want to entirely destroy things with your boyfriend (and possibly destroy his relationship with his best friend) by getting involved with the friend. Because of course, no amount of hoping will change the fact that your boyfriend will be crushed and (the BSG suspects) more than a little bitter.
The BSG’s advice is to forget about the best friend and focus on your relationship. Figure out what you can do to get the excitement you’re obviously craving in your current relationship or get out of it.
Oh and by the way…don’t read too much into the fact that the best friend has a thing for you. Because you’re his friend’s girlfriend, you’re pretty much a captive audience and it’s tacky and lazy of him to focus on you as a potential mate. ~BSG~
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Says:
December 8th, 2009 at 1:21 pm
Whenever I have found myself at the end of a relationship, my mind always wanders.
The first boyfriend I ever had, it wandered to one of his friends for months on end, but out of respect for him I never went there… it also wandered to a certain smooth operator working in a coffee shop, and since he had no links to my ex, I went there: it didn’t work out, and left me rather bitter. The friend I had wanted grew some gross facial hair and had a baby, so years passed and I was SO relieved not to have gone there…
The second boyfriend I had, my mind wandered to some of his buddies too… but once again, after the break, which was thus eminent, I never went there. Now they all hate me anyway, so that’s probably a good thing.
Third boyfriend, my mind wandered to second boyfriend. I went back there, and the results were once again disastrous.
Fourth boyfriend, well, my mind didn’t really wander exactly, but when I started to sense it was over for him, my mind nostalgically wandered back, just a bit, to third boyfriend… but I did not go there, and I definitely don’t regret that.
My point here is that though I may have made MANY mistakes in the past, and though I may not have learned from all of them, I have learned that when your mind veers way off course to someone more attractive, it probably means that your time with the current dude is up. Really, I don’t think it has anything to do with his BF… and don’t go there, that’s just tacky. Run, from both of them. Maybe in time you can all be friends, and if the BF is really your soul mate (if you believe in that) then once your current beau is over this situation, and if there still remains feelings (which I highly doubt) it will happen… for now, in my opinion, you need to get out of this situation entirely.
wow, how am I more bitter than the BSG??
Says:
December 10th, 2009 at 10:58 am
Well, maybe BSG has met his soul mate lol!!!