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Horrible Heartbreak Part 3

August 3rd, 2013 | No Comments | Posted in Dumped

Some Awkward Nincompoopery
Part 3

Dear Readers, the previous installment of nincompoopery outlined how SAN got carried away with some sexting, got caught by his girlfriend and felt crappy. Everything seemed great for our hero, until, while he was hanging with the boys, Perfect Girl went to “babysit” with some girlfriends. “Babysit” turned out to be code for “party” so our hero went in search of Perfect Girl at the party. We continue here with the story already in process…

She was drunk. I insisted she leave, because that wasn’t her, she wasn’t a partier. I drove her car to my house as she cried and told me she didn’t want to be with me anymore. I thought it was the alcohol, so we decided to talk the next day. She had her mind made up. She was done with me. A few days after, she was already taking intimate pictures with another guy. A guy who I have always hated. A player, a guy who would date a girl just to have sex with her. While we were dating she always talked about how he was disgusting he was, and how the girls that were fell for his lies were stupid. I could get myself to believe it. I looked at her as an angel. My angel. A pure, innocent, perfect being. I was devastated. I was depressed. I tried getting over her with using other girls as a sense of ‘in the moment,’ instant love. I moved to fast into relationships and then found them ending quicker than they began. I could never get the feeling I had with her back. She ended up dating the guy quickly after. A few months passed and we still talked randomly about how we missed each other. I told her I would drop anything and everything in my life to be with her, but she always said stuff like, “just give me time,” “I’m trying to find myself,” “I know we will be together one day,” and, “if you really loved me, you’d wait for me.” I just wanted to hate her. I was sick of hearing that stuff. I wanted to move on with my life, but I couldn’t, I was still in love with her. One night, when I was alone, I told her to tell me something I could hate her for, I insisted she just give me something to make me stop wanting to “wait.” She then told me how she and him had sex…I fell to my knees…..hopeless. Hearing that killed me. Knowing the person she was, and the person she had become, were completely opposite. All the morals she ever had were thrown out, just like that. She was no longer my angel.

Dear SAN,
So Perfect Girl, it turns out, isn’t really Perfect and you got dumped. Huh. The BSG is shocked. But the part where you totally set yourself up for this was the “she was my own perfect angel” part. Really SAN? Does the BSG really need to point this out? Setting Perfect Girl up on a pedestal and giving her wings and a halo, besides making the BSG hack up a hairball, set you up for failure.

So now she’s taking “intimate pictures” with a guy you both used to consider a player? Well maybe she’s been wanting to get a little nasty for awhile and couldn’t seem to find room on the pedestal you’d installed her on. Honestly SAN, it doesn’t seem to the BSG that you were relating to her as a human. Of course she got drunk at a party…you had been CHEATING on her (cyber cheating, yes, but it feels nearly as bad). So when she gets up the courage to dump you, she goes exactly the other way. Maybe she wanted someone to treat her like a piece of meat, maybe she wanted some meaningless sex. How sad that you couldn’t have provided her with that kind of variety in your own sex life, it may have kept you both there.

Here’s the scoop SAN: you’ve been dumped. Don’t buy into any of her “we’ll be together eventually” crap, she’s saying that to keep from telling you to go the hell away. Or heck, maybe she really is trying to keep you on the line while she spreads her wings and sows her oats a little (metaphor mixing here).

So you badgered her until she described having sex with Player Guy? That’s some messed up shit, SAN. And your conclusion is that she’s thrown out her morals? What was she supposed to do, dress in white and weep quietly over your cheating ass behavior? She was never an angel and how dare you question her for having pretty much the same morals you have. You two are now in the phase of just hurting each other because you can. Stop it and get out. Just get out.

Tune in next time, Dear Readers because the BSG isn’t done with him yet.

Horrible Heartbreak Part 2

July 30th, 2013 | No Comments | Posted in Dumped

Some Awkward Nincompoopery
Part 2

Dear Readers, yesterday’s installment of nincompoopery introduced us to SAN where he set up this unfolding drama with his desire to have a life-long relationship just like his grandparents: full of arguments and light on happiness. Imagine the BSG’s reaction (or just read it). We continue here with the story already in process…

I never searched for a high school sweetheart to spend my life with, but I did in fact end up falling in love with, in my eyes, the most beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes on (Sydney). We dated for almost two years. About 5 months before we broke up, I stupidly sent and received inappropriate texts from a couple girls. I think I just got an adrenaline rush the few times I did it, and when our conversations ended, I felt horrible. One day, 3 months before we broke up, while at work with my best friend, I told him I was going to stop. I had full intensions of never going behind her back again. Coincidently, that same day, I was hanging out with my girlfriend and I got a text from one of the girls. I left the room right as I saw her name on my phone screen. I told her never to do that again. To make a long story short, all the girls decided to tell her that same night about what had happened. I’ve never felt any lower in my entire life. To see somebody who I loved that much, crushed, by something I did, destroyed me. I can’t even out into words of how broken my heart was knowing that the cause of all her pain was because of my foolish actions. I knew what I was doing was wrong but I never thought that THAT could happen. I told her to leave me, I told her she has no reason to have to forgive me. But she decided against that, she told me she would give me a second chance. After she said that, I did anything and everything for her, not to suck up, but rather to let her know that I really cared. I never let her down again. I thought everything was perfect. Her happiness was my happiness. Then, after one of the most amazing days I’ve ever had with her, it quickly went down hill. I went to a friends house to watch the fights, she went to a friend to “babysit.” Little did I know, her friend was having a party. I found out and showed up…

Dear SAN,
The Bitter Single Guy has to say that he’s not fooled here, although he thinks that perhaps you’re so bought into this part of the story that maybe YOU’RE fooled. The first part of this section you say that you were sexting with “a couple of girls”, then when you got caught, you say that “all the girls decided to tell her”, so exactly how many girls were you sexting with SAN? Never mind, it doesn’t matter. What matters, aside from your attempt to write pretty language around it, is that you cheated. Yeah, the BSG realizes that you don’t say you got naked with any of these girls, but the BSG bets that the girls thought that was going to happen and the BSG absolutely KNOWS that you thought about it…likely while you were having intimate time with Perfect Girl. Seriously SAN, if you can’t admit this to the BSG, he at least hopes you’re admitting it to yourself.

So the gist is that you had a Perfect Girl, you cyber-cheated on her and you got caught. This is not really tragic, this is life.

OK SAN, the BSG is going to lighten up on you a little here. The titillation of something new is tough to avoid and the slope gets slippery pretty quickly in the BSG’s unfortunate experience, which is to say, he’s sure that you convinced yourself that the first text of “how’s your day?”, or some such nonsense, was perfectly innocent. But the BSG knows you SAN, and you and he both know that although the words were innocent, the intent wasn’t. So then it goes from “how’s your day?”, to “you looked really good in that shirt”, to “you looked really HOT in that shirt”. Feel the slipperiness of that slope, SAN? So you did what many people have done…you took your relationship for granted while you got off (metaphorically at least, perhaps literally) on sexting with someone forbidden, until it bit you in the ass (probably just metaphorically). And all your intentions (that you even told your friend! Yay for your intentions!) about stopping the cyber-cheating didn’t actually amount to anything because you didn’t stop before you got caught.

OK so you cyber-cheated and got caught. You debased yourself and told Perfect Girl to dump you. She chose instead to give you a second chance and everything was great. In fact, as you say “her happiness was your happiness”. This is a huge red flag for the BSG, but it’s actually sort of in line with what he’s read already. This is poetic, SAN, but not realistic.

The BSG, for the sake of his readers, is going to leave us all on this cliff hanger of what happened at the babysitting party. Tune in tomorrow, because it just keeps going.

Horrible Heartbreak Part 1

July 28th, 2013 | No Comments | Posted in Dumped, Tips For Love

Dear Readers,
What follows is the beginning of an incredibly long letter. The BSG generally limits the letters to which he responds to about 250 words. Really…any more is just too long for the BSG to read and he knows you…you’re too impatient to slog through all that.

The following original letter is more than 1800 words. The BSG is hoping that this young man didn’t type this on his phone.

That aside, there’s a lot here that the BSG just can’t let go. So he’ll be breaking this letter into segments and publishing one segment each day for a few days. The BSG’s apologies to the lovelorn writer, but this is a more-than-one-session problem. So here goes with part 1.

Dear Bitter Single Guy: When I was younger, my grandma told me a story about how her and my grandpa met.. “I was a freshman in high school and he was either junior or senior. We both walked to school everyday.. on opposite sides of the street. I don’t remember exactly why or when, but one day he crossed the street and started walking with me from then on.” They’ve been together ever since. I will never forget that story. And since then I’ve always dream about having that kind of relationship. A long. Healthy. Relationship. Although my grandparents do seem to argue more than most, and my dad said they might of been happier if they separated, I’ve always admired what they had. They never left each others side, through thick and thin, they made it work. ~Some Awkward Nincompoopery~

Dear SAN,
This first section is where the BSG knew he needed to break in DURING this letter, rather than at the end. Look at what you wrote here, SAN: you dream of a long healthy relationship (you put periods after “long” and “healthy” to, the BSG is sure, emphasize the importance of those. But then you say that they argue more than most and that your dad says they might have been happier separated. Happier. That’s right there, SAN. So the BSG has to ask…you seem to prefer a long unhappy relationship to a series of shorter happy ones? For the BSG that dog just won’t hunt, but he’s notorious for wanting to be happy. Really, he’s just sort of selfish that way and he wonders why others (you in this case, SAN) aren’t similarly selfish about their happiness.

Tune in tomorrow for part 2.

Bitter Single Guy Videocast Episode 7: Drunken Boyfriend

May 1st, 2013 | No Comments | Posted in Dumped

The BSG gets a letter from a girl who’s been dumped, but still seems to be strung along by her ex.

 

httpv://youtu.be/quqTdxT-XIM

She Can’t Let Go

December 13th, 2012 | No Comments | Posted in Dumped

Dear Bitter Single Guy: [Note: the BSG typically ignores letters that are this long, but in order to illustrate the value of brevity (and because the conga-line part of the story cracked him up), he is posting this one. Hang in there at least until the conga part…the BSG did.] I broke up with my boyfriend two months ago. We were together for one year and a half, but the last 8 months we were living in different cities and struggling with the distance.

We had future plans of buying a house and getting married.

Three months and half ago I moved to a different country because of work, and it was really hard visiting each other. He was to suppose to come here after a year, and we were going to see each other for some months in the meantime.

I started having some difficulties starting all over again alone in a new country: New job, new culture, economical problems, new language, and no friends at all.

He wasn’t paying attention to my problems, as he was on holidays and having fun with his friends. Then, he started being late for our appointments without telling me. This made me really sad, because I felt that the relationship was starting to fail and he wasn’t caring. Even though we had this problem, he surprised me coming for my birthday, but then told me that he had cheated on me… I was really sad. He said she meant nothing to him, but that he wanted to be honest, that he couldn’t lie to me. He stayed just for three days, so we didn’t really get much time to solve the situation. When he left, he said to me that he was tired of the distance, and that making efforts in relationship is not natural…

I was really sad, so I broke up with him. He started saying that I was really important to him, that we were throwing away happiness, that we could try to have an open relationship, but I couldn’t do any of that. He was going through a difficult time at work, so I was still checking on him. Calling him to see that he was doing ok, and sending him happy songs to cheer him up.

I was also going through a really difficult time, but he wasn’t worrying about me or doing anything to make me feel right. I was really hurt, so I sent him an email telling him why I broke up with him… stating his mistakes… shame on me. Now I regret it, but at that time, I was suffering a lot, and I lost my temper.

After that email, in less than two weeks he was going out and crazy in love with the girl he had cheated on me. They are living together, and have plans of buying a house (just like the one we wanted), getting married…

She is posting pictures of the two of them together. He took her to the restaurant we went for our anniversary. He is posting all the time how happy he is now that he is with her, than now he is a new man, that he has connected with his spiritual self…

I was really sad that because I broke up by email, so I decided that we needed to talk face to face. So I wrote to him and told him that I didn’t care anymore about what had happened, and that I wanted to keep the friendship because we had had such beautiful relationship. I also let him know that he is very important to me. He said that I was also really important to him and that he didn’t want me out of his life.

But when I visited him, he just allowed me to see him once. He wouldn’t allow me to touch him. He was withdrawing, and he said that the failure of our relationship was that I have an overwhelming personality and didn’t allow him to be himself. I told him that he used to say quite the opposite when we were together, but he seemed to have forgotten all the good things. I said I was sorry for all my mistakes, and told him again that I would like to save the good things, that I didn’t care that we weren’t a couple anymore, that we could still share the good things, but he told me that he didn’t want to talk to me for 6 months or year…

I had to pick up my stuff from his house, so the next day he was supposed to send me an email to arrange everything, but he didn’t. The next day he apologized and said that he would look for me to talk and sort that out… but, again, he didn’t do it. Then, I called, and he didn’t answer. Then, he texted me and said: I gave the keys to a common friend. I had enough with the first day. Forgive me.

I had told him that I really would like to meet for a coffee and be able to say good bay. I had gone there and took three planes just to talk to him… but he wouldn’t agree on meeting for saying good bye.

After receiving that text message, I went to a party… and when I was doing the conga, I saw him with her. I tried to enjoy the rest of the night, and when I left I approached him and said good bay to him in a polite way, even though I wasn’t happy. I didn’t pretend that I was happy. I didn’t fake a smile.

What I am trying to understand is how it is possible to jump into another relationship that fast. He took all of our dreams and put them in this new relationship. He doesn’t care if he hurt me or not. He is just living this new love and posting it on facebook.

Of course, after saying good bay at the party, I haven’t contacted him at all. Even though he owes me 800€… I was stupid enough to tell him that he could pay when he could, because his family is going through some serious difficulties. Had I known he was going to treat me that way, I would have asked for the money… because I need it.

Well, this is my story. I hope you can help me to understand him. I know it is hard giving advice knowing so little, but I can tell you that when we started dating he was also moving too fast, and I had to stop him. He was the one starting talking about future and marriage, and I was the one slowing things down.

He has many good things, but also big flaws. He always wants to satisfy others, and he is not able to cope with frustration. He told me once that our relationship was too perfect to have problems, that he wanted a relationship without problems.

Even though he hasn’t treat me really well, I have forgiven him because I was also tired of the distance and I know that it was very hard for both of us. I also made my mistakes, like trying to rely too much on him, and asking too much. I think that made him go away.

So, what’s your opinion Bitter Single Guy? ~Can’t Let Go~

Dear CLG: First and foremost the Bitter Single Guy can see that you’re hurting, and he is sad for you because getting dumped sucks.

By the way, it seems important to tell you that you got dumped, even though you were technically the one who broke up with him. And while the BSG can’t condone your ex’s decision to cheat on you while you were in a long-distance relationship, he also knows that most long distance relationships fall apart for exactly the reason yours did: you both wanted more than was possible given the distance.

Now since then, the BSG actually can’t fault your ex. Yes, he fell for someone else and yes he’s living the dream that you and he had planned, but that’s the way it goes in a breakup, isn’t it? Bottom line CLG, your ex is doing exactly what he should: he’s keeping a boundary that doesn’t feel safe and doesn’t keep his new relationship safe. He’s not willing to engage in any more conversations about what went wrong. What went wrong is that he cheated on you and you dumped him. It’s time to be sad and grieve your breakup and respect your ex’s request not to have contact with him.

All that aside, the BSG is REALLY sorry that you’re out  800€ because there’s a pretty good chance you won’t see it. For that bit, the BSG recommends a final email (at least final for the next 6 months) telling your ex how he can repay you since you won’t have any contact for awhile. Then cross your fingers that he pays you. ~BSG~

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