The Bitter Single Guy’s Relationship Advice

Is Married on Facebook the Same as Regular Married?

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I meet someone online. It started as friends then we started talking about the future. He asked me to marry him. Take note: We were not in relationship. Just flirting. He keeps asking me to marry him every day. Eventually, I joked, “Sure. Lets skip the bf-gf thing and go direct to marriage”.

After that I love you’s were swapped occasionally. Like I said, This is long distance. We talk about anything. He confide to me all his innermost thoughts about family and all. We made plans. Then he went cold. Day later, He confessed that he slept with someone else and that He love me. Sex was nothing. I was furious. Deleted him and stopped talking to him.

He chased me back. The I love you’s and pleading got into me so I gave in and give him another chance. Week later he told me he’d marry me and he will love me forever. Two days later he told me he has a new gf and it’s not serious. I said ok. I blocked him and let go.

Almost a month later, he message me that he was sorry. He said that I am a very special person and unique blah blah. I didn’t reply. Two weeks after that I added him back in fb. I saw his in relationship status. Days after the add, his gf name appear on the said stat. I got a bit angry so I changed my relationship stat to in relationship to a friend. It was a fake relationship.

Weeks later, I changed my stat to engaged for a few hours then change it back to in relationship. Other friends congratulate me for the said “engagement”. Next day, I check in at a cathedral. He must also have read the post saying that I’ll be spending christmas to my fake bf friend. Then I found him online in msn for two days. He has no other friend other than me. I didn’t said hi. I didn’t even greeted him at his bday.

Next day I read on his fb that he is married with his post that he is happy and can’t wait to start a future with his wife. I posted belated happy bday. He blocked me. I emailed him saying he doesn’t need to blocked me just coz he is married. Next day, He deactivated his fb. His gf or wife deactivated her fb too but before that I saw her changed her lastname to his lastname.

The thing is, back when we were together. We also fooled around and made our fb relationship stat to married. I don’t know for sure if he is married for real but one thing is for sure I am still not over him.

What should I do? Do you think he is happily married? Does he love me still? I need your brutal honest. HELP!? Thanks in advance. ~Facebook Diva~

Dear FD: Are you kidding the Bitter Single Guy with this crap? This guy cheats on you, dates someone else, MARRIES someone else and you’re not sure what you should do so instead you get all passive-aggressive on Facebook by faking your own relationship status and friending-unfriending him? The BSG wonders what you think is going to happen if this all “works out”…do you think after all this madness that any sort of relationship would be anything but a nightmare? The BSG wants you to back away and have no more contact with Facebook Man. Otherwise, you both deserve what you get. ~BSG~

Her Best Friend and Her Sister

Dear Bitter Single Guy: So, my sisters and I (we’re quads) have one best guy friend. My oldest sister has a crush on him and she has told him how she feels, but they’re not going to act on it or anything as we go to two different colleges in two different states.

But, since she has told him how she feels, he’s been distant from the rest of us. I don’t have a problem if my friend and my sister date, but I do have a problem if he doesn’t talk or hang out with me anymore. He barely ever replies to my skype/text messages because he’s always talking to her.

He doesn’t come around the house to hang out anymore, and anything important about him that I would like to know (like where he decides to go to college) he will tell only her, and she will “forget” to tell us until later.

I’m really fed up with this as I don’t feel like he’s really my friend anymore. And I’m really upset about this because he’s literally the only friend I have.

I have spoken to the both of them about this before, and it was ok for about a week, then it went back to him never talking to me or wanting to hang out. What should I do? ~Missing My Friend~

Dear MMF: The Bitter Single Guy checked his extensive archives and has confirmed that he’s never received a quadruplet-related question before! Of course the BSG is assuming your reference to “quads” is to quadruplets and not to quadriplegics because well…that would just be wrong. Wrong on so many levels. So rather than try to work through that mess, the BSG will just assume you mean 4 children from one birth. Please, if the BSG is wrong, write back. He’s not sure that his answer will be different, but the BSG strives for accuracy as much as possible.

OK MMF, the BSG isn’t going to have great news for you here. First of all, if you and your three sisters  have one best guy-friend that’s a pretty heavy load for poor Goober (the BSG isn’t sure why he’s chosen this name, but it seems to work). The BSG wants you to read up a little on the festive medieval practice of being drawn and quartered for a happy-fun visual.

Just like romantic relationships, friendships evolve. If it weren’t your older sister who proclaimed her attraction and claimed Goober’s attention, it would have been some other girl. Or a job. Or college. Or an all-consuming comic book hobby. We all move into and out of relationships at different levels, MMF.

So here’s the BSG’s recommendation: Tell Goober that you miss him. Tell him that you care about him. Then go about your life. Make other friends, hang out with your sisters, have fun in college. The BSG assumes that folks are still aware of the old adage about letting something go if you love it, and it will come back to you or some such nonsense. The short version of this adage is this question: Do you really want a friend who communicates with you and spends time with you out of guilt?

He’ll find you when he wants to, MMF. Granted, that may be years from now in whatever Facebook becomes in 2020, but you can’t control that. ~BSG~

Like Jersey Shore, Minus the Screaming and Violence

Yo BSG! Here’s the deal: my friendship with one of my best guy friends is a big pile of crap. He claims he loves me and I’m the only girl he’s ever had “real” feelings for. He talks about heavy future stuff, and says all the right stuff when we’re together. But the next day, he runs away, and will be with a new girl shortly after. When the whole cycle repeats itself, he claims he was scared, and that the girls are hitting on him. If I ask him to commit, he avoids it by insisting he wants me (and surprisingly it doesn’t appear he just wants sex). However, he will commit to new girls he hardly knows. And to top it off, he won’t let us just be friends, which I’ve insisted on. It’s hard to avoid him without giving up our entire circle of friends. It sounds silly, but in the moment it’s so intense and emotional that I can’t walk away. I feel like I want to resolve it and talk through it so we can get back to being friends, but it never gets resolved.

What do I say to end the conversation once and for all? Apparently I need both internal dialogue to myself (because it’s embarrassing that I keep falling for it) as well as a definitive/short/concise statement I can give him when he tries to “talk.” I feel like Sammi and Ronnie on Jersey Shore, minus the screaming and violence. And hate who I’ve lowered myself to. Advice? Be harsh, I think I need it. ~Ready for Tough Love~

Dear RTL: The Bitter Single Guy laughed out loud (LOL as the kids are calling it these days) about your Jersey Shore reference. The BSG himself doesn’t watch Jersey Shore, but appreciates the dynamic between those vibrant characters.

Looking for the tough advice? Here it is RTL: You’re a tool.

You’re letting this Waffling Willy keep you as his safe emotional harbor while he ventures out in search of new adventures, and when those adventures don’t work out he always knows he can come back to you. Stop waiting for him to do something differently…why would he, anyway? He’s got you all wrapped up where he wants you.

Being friends sometimes means setting (and keeping) boundaries. Don’t talk to him about your relationship because he obviously doesn’t want to. But don’t engage in ANY conversations about how he wants you or loves you or other such nonsense. Simply don’t have the conversations. If he persists, walk away. When Waffling Willy can behave like an actual friend then welcome him back.

Two warnings RTL:

If you can’t handle setting this boundary for him, then you’ll have to spend some time away from your circle of mutual friends. Be honest with them: “Waffling Willy keeps stringing me along and I can’t handle it anymore so I’m going to disappear for awhile.” Let the circle of friends police Willy’s behavior a little.

Once you set this boundary that he can’t come back and get tangled up in you again, you’ll become WAY more attractive to him and he’ll increase the heat because suddenly you’ll be the new adventure to chase!

Firm boundaries, RTL. Don’t be a tool. ~BSG~

Advice to 12 year-olds is just like advice to 30 year-olds

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I’m just twelve years old, and I know that’s pretty young to think about boys, but I REALLY don’t know what to do. I’ve liked this boy for 9 months now, and he knows that I do, but he told me, LONG before he knew, that he loved another girl. I want to get over him, get rid of the past and embrace the present, but for some reason, I’m scared to.

I guess it’s because I’m afraid that if let him go, he’ll be a door I’ll never be able to open again. He’s the player, the obnoxious troublemaker, the bad boy. I’m the goodie two shoes, the nice girl, the smartie pants. Yes, I have straight A’s, I have an ambition to get a scholarship for the medical field, and all that, but I don’t think I have a strong enough emotional stability to do what I want to do. Please help me BSG, I REALLY need the advice. ~Ready to Move On~

Dear RMO: The Bitter Single Guy is surprised and delighted to learn from your letter that relationship issues for a 12 year-old are no different than those for a 32 (or more) year-old. Apparently there is not that much new learning in a few extra decades on the planet.

OK RMO, the BSG is hearing that you’re hung up on a bad boy and wish you could get over him and move on. The good news is that this is absolutely normal, but the bad news is that there is no easy answer for getting over him except time. Your treasonous brain will taunt you with fantasies that he really likes you but is afraid to tell you, or that he’s not really in love with that other girl, or that even if he is, she’s SO not good enough for him.

Go ahead and let your brain rant and flail RMO, it has no choice but to look for ways out of this emotional mess it’s in. But while all that’s going on, remember to quietly tell your brain that this boy knows you like him and because boys like a little bit of a chase…if he decides he wants to get to know you better, he knows where to find you.

The BSG promises that time will fix this. There will be a day (probably pretty soon given that you’ve got 9 months invested so far) when it feels like a switch is turned off and you’ll be over him. Trust the BSG RMO, this is how it works for everyone, regardless of age. Best of luck ~BSG~

When To Make it Exclusive

Dear Bitter Single Guy:  I’ve been dabbling in the world of online dating, and recently met a guy whom I developed a crush on pretty quickly. Our mental and physical chemistry is great, and we ended up sleeping together on the second date. (Whether or not that was a good idea, what’s done is done and we had a great time.)

On our next date, I asked him whether he was seeing other people. He told me he’s not sleeping with anyone else, but he is still meeting people off the dating site. Which is fair, I guess — I’ve gone on other dates too. But the difference is that I would be happier just dating him exclusively, and that’s not something he wants. He’s very affectionate and attentive when we’re together, and he’s decent about keeping in touch the rest of the time, so I don’t think he’s just seeing me for the physical stuff. But I guess I have no way of knowing for sure.

So my question is, should I continue dating and sleeping with him until one of us finds someone else we want to see exclusively? Is there a chance he’d come around and want to be with me? I enjoy his company a lot, and I’d be very sad to lose it, but is a little pain now better than potentially a lot of pain later on? ~Headed for a Heartbreak~

Dear HFH: The Bitter Single Guy thinks you’ve hit on a pretty massive social issue facing both The Single and The Coupled here. In earlier times, (the BSG is speculating a little here) choices for romance were usually at the neighboring farm which was likely a long barefoot walk down a country road (the BSG is channeling Little House on the Prairie, he thinks). So once two youngsters (or oldsters, that happened too) ascertained that no one was a practicing axe murderer, marriage plans were made.

Today however, there are precious few dirt roads and bare feet are saved for inside activities. Instead, there is The Internet…which is to say…The Seething Vat of Dating, Sex and Porn. The BSG thinks that the problem you’re facing is not that Wally Window Shopper isn’t sufficiently enamored with you, but that he might miss something better. Heck…here’s he’s gone and placed and ad and met YOU! The chemistry is great and whew! The sex is awesome! So if it’s that great with you, then just imagine what ELSE he’ll find if he keeps dating more!

The BSG wants you to remember the different rules that apply to internet dating. You entered that den of iniquity with the goal of an exclusive relationship (the BSG assumes) not a friend with benefits. Given that, the BSG wants you to keep your eyes on that prize so he recommends you talk with Wally Window Shopper and let him know that you’re enjoying your time together and that your goal is an exclusive relationship. Let him know that after a few dates, if everything is going well, you’re going to want to talk about the exclusivity thang. If Wally Window Shopper says he actually IS looking a stable of friends with benefits, then you can delicately exit the scene now.  If he’s not, then the BSG recommends you withdrawing the slap-and-tickle a little so that you have some bargaining room. If Wally gets to have sex with you and still date other women, he’s not likely to want that to change anytime soon.

If you want to test his focus, the BSG recommends letting slip that you also have been seeing other guys from other sites. If he’s totally down with that, then it’s likely he’s thinking FWB is perfect. If he’s uncomfortable, the BSG suspects he may head toward wanting something more permanent with you.

And HFH, this is important: Be ready to walk away. Like buying a car, if the deal isn’t the one you want you don’t want to get stuck in a situation that’s soul-destroying (or at least non-fun) because you weren’t willing to bail. If you want exclusivity and Wally wants to continue Window Shopping, kiss him on the cheek, thank him for the great time, and walk away. ~BSG~