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Giddy, Sappy, Obnoxious New Love

January 9th, 2013 | No Comments | Posted in Random Crap

Hi BSG: I’ve met the most incredible girl the world has ever seen. We’re not going out and as current it’s sort of online (we live in the same country-met through mutual friends) but I’m on holiday currently. I’m absolutely head over heels for her. She is EXACTLY the same as me that’s what made me fall for her and my ex gf (I’ve had one) was the complete opposite to me and that’s where I feel it didn’t work out (I had my heart broken but we don’t need to go there).

Her views on life are almost identical to mine, we share the same views on issues such as parties and alcohol and by God she’s the most incredible person I’ve ever seen. This is the first time in my life I ever fell for a girl online and within the first day, it usually takes me month to like someone. It’s so difficult because I really want to come back from her holiday and i mean she’s incredible i would I’ve half my body to be with her we’ve become very close she calls me her bffl and puts lots of love hearts (she went through a bad break up I’m trying to help her recover) I just really want to be with her i really want this to work she’s got to be the most amazing girl I’ve seen and I’m so worried that when i get back she might not like me the same way and it would hurt so please give me some advice on how i could make this work i don’t even want this girl for sex or anything i just want to be there for her and become her bf she’s really the most incredible girl I’m 20 and she’s 19 so please get back to me any support would be much appreciated. ~Freaked Out by New Love~

Dear FONL: The Bitter Single Guy took a stab at correcting your lack of punctuation and capitalization because he’s…well…he’s just that way. But after a few moments, the BSG decided that your random run-on enthusiasm was way more informative about your current feelings than a bunch of pesky (albeit accurate) punctuation.

FONL, this is awesome for you! And for Perfect Girl! But the BSG can tell you from experience (SO much experience) that this giddy feeling isn’t going to last, even if you’re with Perfect Girl for the rest of your life. So stay on your holiday, but keep sending the texts. Later, when the passion and excitement has died, you’ll look back on these giddy texts and shake your head, wondering how you could ever have been so naïve [BSG takes a drag from a cigarette and shakes his head regretfully].

When you get home, you and Perfect Girl will begin the “OhMyGodYouTOO!” phase of your relationship, which is always fun. But be prepared for the excitement to fade, although really FONL…no one really wants to feel (or write letters) as hectically as you’re doing right now, do they? Good luck, brother. The BSG is on your side and wants you to feel ALL the feelings. Game Night Fail

August 31st, 2012 | No Comments | Posted in Random Crap

What the BSG won’t do for his readers! Well, there are probably several things, but the BSG did actually login to and play their new Online Game Night (!). Here is an account from his live-tweeting of the event. If you don’t follow the BSG on Twitter…ummm…do that now. @BitterSingleGuy

• Just found out is doing online gaming for singles to meet. Pathetic or genius? The BSG will find out.
• Game 1: BSG randomly assigned a player partner who paused the game then disappeared. Fail.
• Game two begins. Game begun. Game paused. Awkward IMing. Player partner #2 gone. Fail
• In all of Seattle, 7 possible game partners. 5 invitations to play sent by the BSG. None accepted. This will end badly.
• BSG has NO pending invitations to play online games with singles. (25 minutes in). Ben and Jerry’s night is on deck.
• 8 game invites sent, 0 accepted. Is the BSG the only loser in front of his computer for this? Is the BSG repugnant?
• “@TabEGirl: @BitterSingleGuy It would be perfect if people didn’t suck.” That applies to so many things.
• BSG isn’t giving up yet. Online gaming and online dating combined? Why isn’t this perfect?
• One hour in. 10 invites sent, none accepted, none offered. Really What evil troll invented this?
• Game attempt #3, the BSG has a live one! The BSG’s entire romantic future relies on this game. Should he play aggro?
• WOO HOOO! The BSG has successfully played a 3 minute game after waiting over an hour! Victory or soul-crushing?
• BSG live-tweet from Game Night complete. Experience: Fail. Ice cream and bitterness here I come.

Thinking of Kids?

July 13th, 2012 | No Comments | Posted in Random Crap

Costly Kids
Created by:

How Bitter is Too Bitter?

July 12th, 2012 | No Comments | Posted in Random Crap

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I’m writing to you because I’ve been single for so long that I’ve actually begun to like it — but I fear that liking it may just be a sign that I’ve become bitterly accustomed to romantic dinners with myself, coffee klatches where I brew just one cup, and anniversaries that I share with my dog Dexter. Without casting any aspersions–and, indeed, with a good bit of admiration–I suppose I suspect I’m actually becoming YOU. (Except I no doubt have a bigger belly, fewer friends, and a smaller house in the Hamptons–so much to be bitter about!)

So my question, given your extensive experience in bitter singledom, is whether you have a gauge against which I can measure my bitterness, test my aptitude for longterm survival in the bitter Universe, and better prepare myself to be the only one at my own funeral? Affectionately–but don’t get too close: Wistful in Walla Walla
Dear WWW: At first blush, the BSG has to compliment you on the eloquence of your letter. Seriously dude, your use of the comma can really only be called artful. The BSG applauds you *clap, clap, clap*.
That aside, the BSG is a believer in taking things at face value. This is important to call out because he suspects (because he is the suspicious kind) that your letter may be a tongue-in-cheek jab at the Bitter Single Guy, but rather than try to read between your beautifully written lines, the BSG will (as he mentioned) simply take it all at face value.

The short version WWW, is that simply calling out your awareness of your own pending bitter life (and death) indicates your lack of comfort with it. This is the equivalent of whether or not one refers to Chinese food simply as “food” if one is in China. So then, here’s the gauge: the fact that you call out your own bitterness – that you recognize it as an aberration – means that it sits uncomfortably in your (the BSG is certain is an) average sized belly. Which means you’re destined either to become increasingly bitter (bitterness breeds bitterness) or to get so frustrated you find a way out.

By the way, if this IS a gentle way to tug on the BSG’s cape, it was nicely done. Good luck, WWW. ~BSG~

Someone loves the BSG

April 28th, 2012 | No Comments | Posted in Random Crap

Dear Bitter Single Guy: It’s my first time on your site, I just wanted to tell you that I love your advice. ~First-Timer~

Dear FT: Awww…the BSG thinks you’re kind of dope, too. ~BSG~

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