The Bitter Single Guy’s Relationship Advice

Someone loves the BSG

Dear Bitter Single Guy: It’s my first time on your site, I just wanted to tell you that I love your advice. ~First-Timer~

Dear FT: Awww…the BSG thinks you’re kind of dope, too. ~BSG~

In Love With Being In Love

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I’m 15 and I’ve only been reading on this sight for approximately fifteen minutes. I find this site very enlightening, so I thought I’d ask a question or two. I’ve always been a bit girl crazy, but now it has occurred to me that this has been going on a bit too long. Aside from my rigorous studies that induce stress (going to college as a freshman, AP classes, etc. as a freshman in high school) I find myself dealing with a lot of internal issues. Some trivial, some not. One of which is about relationships. I usually meet a girl, know her for a while, then slowly fall for her. My problem is that I get these feelings for two or three girls at a time. Does this make those ‘like’ feelings un-special? And what should I do to stay in the friend zone with people and not fall for them in the first place? In Love With Love

Dear ILWL: The Bitter Single Guy is pleased that you wrote to him! The BSG himself remembers having thoughts and feelings in his teen years and wondering if everyone else was also thinking that sleep was just about the best part of the day. Of course, the BSG was too shy to ask if other kids were feeling the same thing about how much they loved sleep, so he remained closeted about his sleep-love. The short version of this babbling is that the BSG would like to go back to sleep, but that ain’t gonna happen.

Hey, back to you ILWL! Being girl crazy (or boy crazy for that matter) at 15 is totally normal…heck, you’ve got years of girl-craziness ahead of you, so relax and enjoy it. If you’re finding that you’re having feelings for two or three girls at a time and that’s getting in the way of being a productive member of society, welcome to the club. The BSG sometimes thinks that he’d be way more productive without his pesky libido.

Don’t worry about trying to stay in the friend zone (the BSG loves that there are now zones…he wonders if the zones are marked with bright yellow tape. He thinks they should be). Relatively speaking you’re still new to all this (no one wants to hear that, but it’s true), so the BSG recommends relaxing into it for another few years.

~BSG~

High School Sucks

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I’m a 16 year old girl, and I know that high school is tough for everyone but these last three years I’ve been very sick with constant pain and have not been able to go to school very much if at all. Thus, my peers have adhered to the “out of sight, out of mind” aphorism as well as most of my “friends”. Now once I am better and am doing normal things, it will get easier, but what can I do to experience social interactions of a relatively normal caliber? Thank you for time. ~Longing For a Life~

Dear LFL: The first thing the Bitter Single Guy has to say is that normal interactions in high school are probably pretty rare given the degree of weirdness that rules most high school social situations.

The BSG’s best recommendations for engaging normally in high school are:

1. Engage. This is just what it sounds like…chat with folks, say hello to friends, meet new friends. Refuse to sit on the sidelines and wait for folks to invite you in. Invite yourself. And don’t look twice if you get some eye rolling and ‘what does she think SHE’S doing’ attitude; that’s just boredom.
2. Be yourself. This seems easy but the BSG and you both know that it’s not as easy as it sounds. The BSG wants you to try out n new styles of speech and behavior in the same way that you try out new sweaters, but he also wants you to be and behave because it feels right to you, not because everyone else is doing it.
3. Remember that this is temporary. Oh LFL, the BSG remembers older folks telling him in high school not to worry about anything because it all gets easier as an adult and he hated those smug adults for their assurances, but it turns out (as it often does with the smug) that they were right. The BSG only tells you this because when it feels like high school is one big pit of unpleasantness (and it will), the BSG wants you to hold onto the tiny hope that it’s actually on a small part of your life.

Good luck and stay healthy, LFL.

The Bitter Single Guy Talks About Breasts

Because the Bitter Single Guy doesn’t believe that there are enough people actively discussing issues that only barely touch them, he will join the active and only sometimes tiring discussion of women who breast feed in public. At bridal showers and Sex and The City marathons, conversations that once centered on Neanderthal Men who leave the toilet seat up have now shifted to Neanderthal Men who have a problem with public breast feeding.  The BSG eagerly awaits the discussion of Neanderthal Men who think Dr. Phil is secretly the troll under the Billy-Goats-Gruff bridge and he will enter that fray as well.

The BSG himself has been present when some random woman has exposed her bodacious ta-ta in order to give junior a quick snack. Breast feeding is a Beautiful Event and is incredibly natural and imparts junior with scads of immunity boosting benefits that will make him strong and smart and able to leap tall buildings, but it also includes a body part over which some women are somewhat protective. In those moments, the BSG experiences what he expects most men have experienced: namely, wondering what the hell he’s supposed to do now.

The BSG suspects that gawking at the exposed breast would be tacky, but apparently averting ones eyes and looking away could result in Mommy feeling socially awkward. “Act naturally”, the BSG hears people say.  When faced with this exact situation, the BSG had to utilize superhuman willpower in order to keep his gaze firmly on Mommy’s eyes and off the dining experience before him.  This had the uncomfortable affect of making the BSG’s eyes bug out just enough that his friend of many years reacted as if he were leering at her over the seats of a city bus late at night.  Creepy for both of us, the BSG assures you.

Yes, yes, the BSG hears all you new mothers, less-new mothers, enlightened fathers and any number of additional Democrats tsk-tsk-ing him for being Neanderthal Man.  Well the BSG is pleased to go where others fear to tread and tell you Mommies that, when you un-leash in order to take part in the Beautiful Event, please take a moment to understand that the men around you are going to react within the unfortunate social limits within which we all live.  The world that includes up-skirt photography, harassment lawsuits and internet predators has resulted in our healthy fear of all things even remotely sexual. People who avert their eyes from the Beautiful Event are merely reacting to their fear of gawking at each other’s bodies outside the privacy of a dance club.

Mommies, here’s the BSG’s unsolicited advice for you.  If you want to hang out with your friends, have a glass of sparkling water and still occasionally whip it out for Junior’s dinner, take a moment to set those expectations for the folks around you.  Tell them that a curious glance at your exposed breast will not be taken any differently than if they watched the same baby slurping on a bottle.  Then understand and empathize with the folks who look away anyway and know that they are responding out of respect for you and a desire not to make you feel uncomfortable. Pay attention America:  we all…you, the BSG and even Dr. Phil, have created this environment of repression. Let’s not also beat each other up for it.

Why Being Single is Awesome

OK, continuing the festive conversation started here and continued here, the BSG is offering a guy’s point of voice (not the BSG’s) on this whole single vs. hitched thing. At some point the BSG will weigh in here with his opinion (you know how he is), but for now he admits to appreciating bringing in other views.

Go here now.