The Bitter Single Guy’s Relationship Advice

High School Sucks

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I’m a 16 year old girl, and I know that high school is tough for everyone but these last three years I’ve been very sick with constant pain and have not been able to go to school very much if at all. Thus, my peers have adhered to the “out of sight, out of mind” aphorism as well as most of my “friends”. Now once I am better and am doing normal things, it will get easier, but what can I do to experience social interactions of a relatively normal caliber? Thank you for time. ~Longing For a Life~

Dear LFL: The first thing the Bitter Single Guy has to say is that normal interactions in high school are probably pretty rare given the degree of weirdness that rules most high school social situations.

The BSG’s best recommendations for engaging normally in high school are:

1. Engage. This is just what it sounds like…chat with folks, say hello to friends, meet new friends. Refuse to sit on the sidelines and wait for folks to invite you in. Invite yourself. And don’t look twice if you get some eye rolling and ‘what does she think SHE’S doing’ attitude; that’s just boredom.
2. Be yourself. This seems easy but the BSG and you both know that it’s not as easy as it sounds. The BSG wants you to try out n new styles of speech and behavior in the same way that you try out new sweaters, but he also wants you to be and behave because it feels right to you, not because everyone else is doing it.
3. Remember that this is temporary. Oh LFL, the BSG remembers older folks telling him in high school not to worry about anything because it all gets easier as an adult and he hated those smug adults for their assurances, but it turns out (as it often does with the smug) that they were right. The BSG only tells you this because when it feels like high school is one big pit of unpleasantness (and it will), the BSG wants you to hold onto the tiny hope that it’s actually on a small part of your life.

Good luck and stay healthy, LFL.

The Bitter Single Guy Talks About Breasts

Because the Bitter Single Guy doesn’t believe that there are enough people actively discussing issues that only barely touch them, he will join the active and only sometimes tiring discussion of women who breast feed in public. At bridal showers and Sex and The City marathons, conversations that once centered on Neanderthal Men who leave the toilet seat up have now shifted to Neanderthal Men who have a problem with public breast feeding.  The BSG eagerly awaits the discussion of Neanderthal Men who think Dr. Phil is secretly the troll under the Billy-Goats-Gruff bridge and he will enter that fray as well.

The BSG himself has been present when some random woman has exposed her bodacious ta-ta in order to give junior a quick snack. Breast feeding is a Beautiful Event and is incredibly natural and imparts junior with scads of immunity boosting benefits that will make him strong and smart and able to leap tall buildings, but it also includes a body part over which some women are somewhat protective. In those moments, the BSG experiences what he expects most men have experienced: namely, wondering what the hell he’s supposed to do now.

The BSG suspects that gawking at the exposed breast would be tacky, but apparently averting ones eyes and looking away could result in Mommy feeling socially awkward. “Act naturally”, the BSG hears people say.  When faced with this exact situation, the BSG had to utilize superhuman willpower in order to keep his gaze firmly on Mommy’s eyes and off the dining experience before him.  This had the uncomfortable affect of making the BSG’s eyes bug out just enough that his friend of many years reacted as if he were leering at her over the seats of a city bus late at night.  Creepy for both of us, the BSG assures you.

Yes, yes, the BSG hears all you new mothers, less-new mothers, enlightened fathers and any number of additional Democrats tsk-tsk-ing him for being Neanderthal Man.  Well the BSG is pleased to go where others fear to tread and tell you Mommies that, when you un-leash in order to take part in the Beautiful Event, please take a moment to understand that the men around you are going to react within the unfortunate social limits within which we all live.  The world that includes up-skirt photography, harassment lawsuits and internet predators has resulted in our healthy fear of all things even remotely sexual. People who avert their eyes from the Beautiful Event are merely reacting to their fear of gawking at each other’s bodies outside the privacy of a dance club.

Mommies, here’s the BSG’s unsolicited advice for you.  If you want to hang out with your friends, have a glass of sparkling water and still occasionally whip it out for Junior’s dinner, take a moment to set those expectations for the folks around you.  Tell them that a curious glance at your exposed breast will not be taken any differently than if they watched the same baby slurping on a bottle.  Then understand and empathize with the folks who look away anyway and know that they are responding out of respect for you and a desire not to make you feel uncomfortable. Pay attention America:  we all…you, the BSG and even Dr. Phil, have created this environment of repression. Let’s not also beat each other up for it.

Why Being Single is Awesome

OK, continuing the festive conversation started here and continued here, the BSG is offering a guy’s point of voice (not the BSG’s) on this whole single vs. hitched thing. At some point the BSG will weigh in here with his opinion (you know how he is), but for now he admits to appreciating bringing in other views.

Go here now.

The BSG Stirs the Pot

Dear Wonderful Readers,  Several of you weighed in on the article the BSG posted (here) and he is sorry for his delay in responding here!

Sheesh…there has been so much travel in the BSG’s life that he’s not been here for you like he wants to be. He was so pleased with the response to that article though and loves that you’re jumping into the conversation! Yay you! So if you haven’t read the article, go back and take a gander. Then take a look at the comments. Then come back here. Or just stay here. Whatever.

Short version: The BSG specifically posted this as a point of view for those female readers who write to the BSG about why they can’t find a mate.

Longer version: The BSG definitely doesn’t believe the ideal goal for any woman (or man) is marriage, but he also thought there would be some readers who would find themselves in this article. Sometimes we’re less able to see ourselves than other people are, and sometimes we learn best when observations are laid out sharply, rather than softly (this author definitely lays out her point of view sharply). So to the various questions here, the BSG can say that he doesn’t agree with all this author’s points, but he should say that he doesn’t DISagree with all this author’s points either. Interestingly, most of the folks who have commented here are ALSO apparently not the author’s target audience (since the happy-to-be-single aren’t the ones she’s talking to). Mostly though, the BSG LOVES that you are all weighing in here. Nice conversation!

BSG

Why You’re Not Married

The BSG knows that he’s not this author’s demographic, and he also knows that most of his readers are likely younger the folks she’s talking to. All that aside, the BSG wants you to read this.