Coming Out of His Skin
Dear Bitter Single Guy: Dude, I am desperate I am reaching out over the internet. I have been dating this girl (off and on) for about two months. We were together, and then she broke up with me and needless to say I was bitter. We kept talking via text message and such and then one night we hang out with some friends, she gets drunk, spends the night at my apartment, and tells me she really cares for me and wants to get back together. She keeps this up and a couple of days later she says, “I love you,” and I replied honestly that I did too. After that she kept on saying how much she cared for me and yada yada yada, and I kept replying that I did as well. I cared about her so much I wasn’t trying to push sex on her. I wanted her to want me. Well this past monday she says she wants me to come over after work, I do, and we have some awesome sex. The next day after we eat lunch, she sends me a couple of text breaking up with me. “I moved to fast. I don’t want to be in a relationship. I need to figure out who I am. I still care about and love you.” All this she said and I was just flabergasted. She wanted to remain friends, knowing that she had ripped my flipping heart out of my chest. I’m so messed up right now man. I don’t know if you answer all these or if this site is still going or what, but if you read this please for the love of…whatever, give me some kind of insight man. ~Distraught Dude~
Dear DD: The BSG doesn’t answer all the letters that come his way because there’s just too many of them, but yours seems important. First, the Bitter Single Guy has to say that he feels your pain, DD. Normally, in situations like yours, the BSG recommends backing off and letting the on-again-off-again person come to you. Of course, this is exactly what you did, but still found yourself on the yo-yo.
No easy answer here, DD. Dump her. Then let her know that you care about her but can’t be dragged through the emotional mud tied to the car of her emotional roller coaster (the BSG has badly mixed his metaphors…roller coasters don’t usually go through mud, but you get the gist). On-Again-Off-Again is going to lead you along based on her whim until it occurs to her that you’re involved in this relationship as well.
~BSG~
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Says:
October 21st, 2008 at 12:46 pm
I somewhat agree with BSG. I think this relationship was cooked too quickly and got burned on the outside before it was done on the inside. I seriously doubt it can be fixed. One thing is for sure you definately need a break. If she does come back again, no harm in trying again. But this time you take the lead. Let her know you are not going to get hurt again. Let her in just a little at a time. As long as you’re consistent and keep your intentions clear, she will hang around and maybe you two can learn to trust each other again. Simmer this relationship a little, instead of frying it on high heat.
My guess is, she’s a repeat offender. This isn’t the first time she’s jumped in with both feet when she met someone she thought she could really fall for. It’s an easy mistake to make. You just need to take the steps to protect yourself and she will respect you for it.