Digging Your Own Grave
Dear Bitter Single Guy: I have a hard time staying in relationships when things don’t go my way. I find it easier to just up and leave. I don’t think I’ve had a single friend or boyfriend for more than a few years. All of my boyfriends tell me the same thing “You will never be happy with anyone”. It wasn’t always this way; I was engaged early in life. We fought one anniversary and I said I wouldn’t be there when he got home, but I was when he brought another woman home; I never really got over it.
Now when I start to get feelings for someone I make it utterly impossible for them to stay with me. My fear is that I’m ruined for life and everyone I get close to will leave me eventually. Just to make sure that’s not the case I will fight so dirty and hurt any feeling I can. I don’t want to be bitter anymore but I can’t stop. What do you do when you’re the problem? I guess my question is how to get over it so it doesn’t happen with the man I’m with now. He has put up with so much from me and continues to take it with a grain of salt I can see him wearing thin and I’m about to lose him. ~Digging My Own Grave~
Dear DMOG: The Bitter Single Guy is so proud of you for reaching out for help! The first thing you need to do is have a talk with your current boyfriend and tell him that you know he’s wearing thin and that you know that you do things that make it tough to be with you.
Next, and this is the important part DMOG, get some help. Clearly getting over this isn’t something that’s going to happen in time or it would have happened. You can’t wait around for someone to be patient enough to put up with your shit for years to come and you don’t want to wait around for a relationship that also becomes a therapy session. The BSG promises that you don’t want that.
If you can’t afford therapy, there are all sorts of support groups in cities around the country. Find a support group of people who can’t make relationships work and listen to other people’s experience as a way to better understand your own.
DMOG, this will take time and effort on your part, and the BSG is glad to hear that you’re ready to fix it. Good luck. ~BSG~
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Says:
January 20th, 2009 at 7:19 pm
I admire you for being able to look at yourself and realize what is wrong. I myself have gone through something similar and I understand. To this day I struggle and I don’t understand why I can never allow myself to be happy. I have tried getting help but due to finances, not very consistently. I urge you if you can, to get help ASAP, even the small amount that I was able to get made a big difference. Its hard to learn to trust again and even harder to trust yourself sometimes…believe me, you are not alone. Hang in there!