The Bitter Single Guy’s Relationship Advice

Dumped But Not Really

Dear Bitter Single Guy: After my divorce 7 years ago I decided to try the online dating.  One of the good ones that advertise on the tube.

I met this wonderful, intelligent, beautiful woman during the month of June of 2007.  After many e-mails and phone conversations we committed to meet at the local coffee house.  As we got out of our vehicles our eyes met and smiles came across our faces giving each other the feeling of visual confidence.  I felt instant attraction.  Our relationship grew from there.  We traveled to various places  and had the best sexual relationship that we have ever experienced.  It was open and honest and love grew within us with each passing day. 3..4…5….6 months pass with sex as the main course.  Then we started to slow down and settle into the relationship.  We talked about our thoughts and didn’t hide anything. It was great.  Not one cross word ever between us.  EVER.  As time went on we knew that we were the real deal.  So I sold my house and I moved in with her.  She would say things like “How did I get so lucky” or “Where did you come from?  I Love you so Much”  of course these were all reciprocated.  We loved each other and that was that.

She started school to get her Masters and I started too just to get an Associates.  The home became a study hall of sorts plus she managed her teaching at the hospital.  It became apparent to me that she was in overload.  Our time of love turned into studies and sleep.  Our finances was not the best but we were not starving either.  I sent most of  my cash to my son while he finished school and she did the same with her two oldest.  I could not contribute like I should have in her home expenses.  Bad move on my part.  By the end of 08 I felt the distance coming between her and I.  One day I ask her “Is everything ok”?  “no!” she replied.  It has gone down hill from that point.  She explained that she wasn’t feeling the love anymore, she was sorry and asked that I move out.  So I did.  No argument just heart ache. We were engaged too.  Sense the break up we meet occasionally for coffee, Ice Cream, movie, walks, ride in the sport car and it’s always the same.  “I’m sorry about the love thing” she says.  She will hold my hand softly as we walk or she’ll stroke the back of my head as we drive along.  I get mixed signals all of the time.  I’ve been pining over her for 5 months now.  Am putting hope against hope I suppose.  I will stopped making contact with her and I guess one of two things will happen.  She will stay gone or she will try to make contact and give me false hope all over again.  BSG what do you think. ~Just a Nice Guy~

Dear JNG: The Bitter Single Guy thinks you know what to do. As you say, the BSG recommends cutting off contact. You’re on the Friendship Track and while having friends is always a good thing, if your Ex has already done her grieving and gotten over you, then her transition of you from boyfriend to friend will be the equivalent of ripping a well-stuck bandaid hair by painful hair from a very tender part of your body.

The BSG recommends breaking off contact for two months, then re-connecting. The BSG doesn’t think you should put the entire responsibility for reconnection on your Ex, but she should bear some significant responsibility. As you say, she may not respond and if so they the bandaid will have been ripped off quickly.

~BSG~

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