Engaged to a Loser
Dear Bitter Single Guy: My fiancé and I have been together for a little under a year…darning which time he has broken up with me twice.
Both times he never (to this day) has offered any sort of explanation other than ‘I don’t know’, which makes me furious beyond belief. He told me when he was in the process of breaking up with me that he wasn’t attracted to me anymore, which came as a complete shock to his friends (and everyone else for that matter). He’s always ‘tired’ and we go for three and longer week periods of time without being intimate. He’s also a liar. I don’t date people who smoke marijuana and despite promising me he wouldn’t, he has done it at least three times since we’ve been dating that I know of.
I can’t get him to open up, when he breaks up with me he gets extremely upset and remorseful, and you couldn’t make him tell the truth if his life depended on it. He’s not a bad person at all, but dating him is like dating a child!
Another thing is, he has been in college for two years and hasn’t yet picked a serious major, which extremely frustrates me. He constantly flip-flops from thing to thing as far as job plans go, and they are all things that are unsecure, like being a music producer or a rock star. YES, A ROCK STAR. He’s 19 years old doesn’t seem to get the concept of having a sound career choice before pursuing more iffy passions. I cannot and will not marry somebody who doesn’t appear to have a real future ahead of them. He’s extremely unmotivated in general.
We never have sex and rarely go out. I love him very deeply but the relationship has flat-lined and has been that way for a few months. Within the last month I have next to totally lost all sexual attraction to him (he hasn’t gained weight or anything). I don’t know what I should do, because frankly I’m tired of living like a nun and ‘talking it out’ with him does absolutely no good. He’s my best friend and I love him with all my heart, but I just don’t think there is a spark to our relationship anymore.
Should I continue trying to work with this guy or should I just walk away? ~Tired of The Runaround~
Dear TTR: Why are you dating this guy much less engaged to him?
- You’re not intimate (and apparently not attracted to each other)
- He keeps breaking up with you (although it hasn’t “stuck” yet)
- He lacks job focus and ambition (which are apparently important to you)
- He’s smoking weed (which is apparently a deal-breaker for you)
Really TTR, the BSG doesn’t get it. Dump him, your relationship is over.
~BSG~
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Says:
November 21st, 2009 at 5:36 am
Why can’t all men be like you BSG? Thanks for your help!
Says:
November 22nd, 2009 at 9:04 am
TTR and BSG:
First, few if any men, esp the ones you date can think and talk like BSG – that is why he is a therapist (although he self-claims being unlicensed…)
But I want to share with you that I dated someone just like your finance (only much older and I know exactly what were the barriers for us ..) -Of course he was not my finance, far from it, and I only wasted about 4 mos of my life with him. Yes, he is a good guy, and I adore him, and we still talk like friends – but dating? No.
Since you mentioned your fiance is only 19, I assume you are as that young yourself. Girl, you’ve got whole life in front of you. There are so many men out there …. 19 year old, and no sex? He is either gay or suffering from serious depression (that is why they smoke weed …) for whatever the reason that maybe making him so depressed, do you want them to become your problem??? The answer is obviously no. Go out and live your life!
Says:
December 4th, 2009 at 10:10 pm
Yeah, I’m definitely taking all this into consideration. I really appreciate your non-condescending advice, thank you!