The Bitter Single Guy’s Relationship Advice

Epic Failure in Dating

Dear Bitter Single Guy: The short of it is I am a 25 year old college graduate and have only been involved in two serious relationships. I want to date!

The long of it is that it’s not that easy for me to find someone/no one ever seems interested in me. I’ve been told I am an intimidating person. This is a mystery to me as I am a very petite 5’2″ girl.  I have asked friends and their responses vary: if you smile more you’ll be more approachable. You’re just really assertive. You act closed off.

And I have tried to fix each of these “issues” but to no avail.  The ironic thing is that I am the least stuck up person I know and my friends agree.  Some people have admitted that I intimidated them but once they got to know me, I was super chill and really laid back, which I am.  I have no idea how to change my current situation.  It’s really frustrating when ALL my friends get approached/guys want to date them all the time and I just have to pretend that I am ok with hanging out by myself on a Friday night because they’re all on dates. It probably doesn’t help that I am not a hook-up type person. Drinking and having make-out sessions aren’t my thing.  I’m in such a rut BSG. Any advice? ~Quite A Catch~

Dear QAC: The Bitter Single Guy knows the frustration of being told he’s intimidating. Whenever he has heard that his lack of dating success is due to being intimidating he gets all righteous and loud and verbally demeans his accuser. Sadly, this ruins friendships and seems to strengthen his accuser’s point. The BSG is kidding with you here, QAC (a little).

OK, here’s the scoop.

• You’ve had two serious relationships and you’re 25? You’re not behind the curve at all; you’re doing just fine.
• If people tell you you’re intimidating you probably are. Remember however, that this probably means that you know what you want, are intelligently outspoken, and have limited tolerance for bullshit. These are admirable qualities, but can be interpreted as intimidating.
• If you squash your personality to be more “approachable” you’ll end  up in relationships that don’t work for you because the real you will eventually come out.

Here’s the advice for you:

• Like any dating situation, you need to put yourself out there. Why are you staying home on Friday night? Surely there are hangouts where other confident people hang out? Museum openings, poetry readings, stuff like that.
• Become a regular in some community (events often have communities…the BSG’s town (for example) has a strong spoken word poetry community in which the BSG sometimes hangs out). If you’re a regular you’ll get to meet people and expand your pool of available dates who also have similar interests.
• Look for “intimidating” men – which is to say: confident men like you – and hang out with them! Heck, ask one of them out!

In short, QAC you need to approach dating just like anyone approaches dating. Find a community or social situation in which you’re comfortable and in which you have a genuine interest (if you’re there for the beefcake that will become obvious quickly). Be yourself, but if you find yourself making snappish or off-putting comments in conversation, work on being a little more open. Get out there, girl. ~BSG~

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