Football or Relationships?
Dear Bitter Single Guy: My girlfriend hates sports and I love them. I watch every Patriots game and the Red Sox playoffs games were big for me recently. She wants to leave me over this and I don’t know what I should do. I mean, I will miss a game to keep her happy but she is fed up with me. I need HELP! – Confessed Sports Junkie
Dear CSJ: The Bitter Single Guy is concerned that your delicate daffodil wants to am-scray just because of your sports affliction (yes, the BSG said affliction; he believes in moderation in all things). CSJ, the BSG is going to wander out onto a skinny, splintery limb here and ask why television in any form is ever preferable to human companionship. Is it really necessary to see EVERY Patriots game, despite the obvious charms of those gentlemen? The BSG completely understands your commitment to the playoffs and believes that your girlfriend would too; if your commitment to sports didn’t supercede your commitment to her.
On the flip-side, the BSG would mock your girlfriend if she wrote to him to say she had tossed aside a perfectly good relationship because of a sports addition (yes, this time the BSG said addiction because he believes that’s how your girlfriend would describe it in her letter). The BSG’s advice is that you should find a happy medium where you can see sports on TV and also spend time with your delicate daffodil.
~BSG~
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Says:
October 19th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
Yes, I am sure the contention between these two runs much deeper than “I don’t like it that he is a Red Sox fan.” What is she missing from the relationship when he watches sports and how does she feel about it? And most importantly, can she tell him that?
Says:
October 19th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
Football has a season, why can’t she work around the season? This seems reasonable to me.
Says:
October 20th, 2009 at 7:29 am
As long as the game face is on only when the game is on I don’t see a problem, although I don’t know how often a game comes on. Once a week? She might just be making up an excuse to leave.
Says:
October 20th, 2009 at 10:38 am
Find a new girlfriend!
As all the pickup artists say, the problem you have is you are operating under the assumption of scarcity. You think finding a girl is hard and therefore you clinging to this one girl even though you are clearly not compatible.
Move on and find yourself a sports loving girl. There are tons of them.
Says:
October 20th, 2009 at 11:18 am
My mom and dad have been unhappy about this topic for 20 years. Their problems, too, run deeper than just the game. My mom thinks (and is probably right) that dad watches the game to escape from his marriage, and that the time commitment is excessive. My dad thinks (and is probably right) that it is his business what he does in the evening/on weekends. So you have a practical problem in the time commitment, which does seem excessive (2 sports+ religious following= a game most nights at 4 hrs/game= a big chunk of any evening). And you have a deeper problem in how each one feels about that time commitment. You both need to sit down (with the TV off!) and have a long talk about what you each expect/need in terms of time together and time apart (/doing your own thing), and find a compromise (like BSG said).
Also, in my personal experience, it helps if the girlfriend a) knows the schedule and can plan other things to do, and b) has friends/hobbies for when boyfriend is busy.
If it wasn’t sports, it would be something else forcing you to talk about time commitments. Every relationship has to confront this. Good luck!
Says:
October 21st, 2009 at 12:59 pm
Normally I agree with you, BSG, but in this case I don’t. This girl’s being selfish, and it will always be about her. I know plenty of guys who watch every game their favorite team/teams play. Sure he should give up a game occasionally for special occasions, but asking a guy whose passion is sports to give up many of the games is silly. There are plenty of girls who will get their own dang life (I mean, really, does it have to revolve around him constantly entertaining him?), or watch the game to spend time with him. I’m sure he goes to chick flicks or watches her try on outfit after outfit.
This is all assuming he isn’t posting up at a bar five nights a week, getting hammered while making it perfectly clear she’s not welcome. In that case, she should move on because alcoholics aren’t where it’s at.
Says:
October 22nd, 2009 at 8:58 am
Fall is a tough time of year for a non-sports loving girlfriend of a sports obsessed guy. I totally understand needing to see every Patriots game,. There’s only 16 during the regular season, after all. But, baseball’s tougher. 162 games? That’s just silly. And, when the seasons overlap, I totally can see how your girlfriend feels a little left out.
I’d try to keep that in mind next time this time of year comes around. Be sure to have time for her on non-game days, let her know you’re thinking of her even when you’re not together, and maybe even try to get her interested in watching a game or two with you. It’s fun! I promise!
Says:
October 24th, 2009 at 7:32 am
This relationship problem was meticulously observed and documented in Nick Hornby’s novel “‘Fever Pitch” which was also made into two different movies by the same title:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0332047/
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119114/
Perhaps the lovers can benefit from watching the two versions and reading together the novel. It may lighten up the atmosphere, and may even draw them closer if they get to discuss a book in which they are both fairly and sympathetically represented.