Frustrated By a Waffler
Dear Bitter Single Guy: Three years ago I dated a guy who had two children. We were very much in love, but the complications of his life ended up breaking us up. He quickly started dating a much younger woman and we didn’t speak for a year. After they had broken up, we began speaking again, hooking up occasionally, but never sleeping together (mainly just cuddling and talking). We had discussed in the past the idea of giving it another shot, but he had turned down the idea because he wanted to get himself together. We continued our kissing, cuddling, friendship, both of us dating other people.
A couple months ago we ran into each other after not seeing one another for awhile. He told me that I was the woman he doesn’t forget and that he thought he was still in love with me. After long discussions about his situation (kids and all) we decided to give us a real shot. He quickly became distant and somewhat cold (though he never was that way before). Because of this I quickly became agitated and emotional. A couple of weeks ago he totally ended it with me, telling me that he didn’t feel it in his heart and he didn’t know why.
When I asked him if he was prepared to throw in the towel on him and I, he said no, but that he couldn’t be in this if he wasn’t in this and he had to figure it out. What the hell? I don’t get it. It was his idea to “really be in this together” as he said and the minute we said let’s do it, some sort of emotional wall came up. Did it really fizzle in him that fast or did he freak? ~Butt of The Joke~
Dear BTJ: The Bitter Single Guy thinks this one is easy: you’re done. If your waffling wooer can’t figure out what he wants or how to act when he gets it, there isn’t anything you can do for him.
Frankly, the fact that he dumped you then told you he isn’t prepared to throw in the towel is a little spineless. The BSG says snatch the damned towel out of his hands.
BTJ if you think there is hope for this relationship, the BSG recommends letting Waffling Wooer do the heavy lifting. Let him ask you on a date, let him wine and dine you, let him want you a little. By the way, the BSG strongly recommends against a ‘kissing, cuddling friendship’. Waffling Wooer hasn’t demonstrated any ability to appropriately manage complex boundaries like that. ~BSG~
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