Getting Over Him
Dear Bitter Single Guy: Okay so I’m in high school and I’ve been best friends with this guy for about three years and of course I started to like him. We hung out every day and I was so happy with my life. Finally we admitted to liking each other but it was never the same.
Now when we’re in a group of people he’ll ignore me and flirt with other girls right in front of me. We hang out still but only if it’s just us two and I think he’s embarrassed to hang out with me. All these other guys like me but I can’t even manage to get those same feelings out for anyone but him. I try to get over him but it’s hard because I don’t want to. if I could have anything in the world it would be him. I really don’t know how to go about my problems and I just want an answer, I don’t care how harsh it is. Please please please help me. ~Devastated n Distraught~
Dear DND: The Bitter Single Guy is SO SAD for you! He swears he’s not being sarcastic here. The BSG knows distinctly what it’s like to have really strong feelings for someone and for those feelings not to be returned. WORSE is when the BSG has had those really strong feelings and really wanted them to go away, but couldn’t be rid of them. DND, is there anything worse than laying in bed unable to sleep, just WISHING you could stop thinking about this person who doesn’t feel like you do? The BSG doesn’t think so.
DND, this is just as hard as you think. Your Bodacious Beau doesn’t feel what you feel and so he tries – in that effective guy way – to make you feel better through demonstrating that he doesn’t have romantic feelings for you. So he:
1. Flirts with other girls in front of you. “See! If you see me flirt with this girl, you’ll just stop having all those feelings that make me uncomfortable!”
2. Treats you the same when it’s just you two together, but differently when there are other people around.
DND you need to bury your face in your pillow and scream until your face is really red and your voice is all hoarse. Then you need to hang out with your friends and be sad and wretched because you had a relationship pulled out from underneath you before it even had a chance to begin and girl…the BSG will tell you what you already know…that just sucks. Take care of yourself. ~BSG~
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March 2nd, 2009 at 4:46 pm
AW. DND – this gal feels for you. There is good news and bad news for you.
The good: Cliche as it is, you really will get over it. The bad? This is probably not the last time you will be forced to deal with distraught emotions.
This gal used tot rya nd focus on guys who did like her and pretend the other didn’t exist but it never works. Completely understand that turmoil.
Unfortunately you guys seem to have many mutual friends. Isn’t high school cruel? You can’t do what those of us outside college do and just blank that person out of our lives. I comend you on being strong enough to continue hanging out with him but suggest maybe the solo times come to a halt.
Its just unfair to you DND. For him to continue inviting you out, pretending like nothing is wrong and then, perhaps unintentionally, but none-the-less hurting you by flirting in front of you.
I wouldn’t suggest talking to him about this anymore. It never matters what someone says. To go after another cliche – actions speak louder than words – and his speak pretty clearly.
Go out, enjoy yourself and realize it has nothing to do with you. You are young – you have plenty of crushes coming toward you.
And how about a silver lining – as much as hollywood wants you to believe you’ll fall in love in high school and be happy ever after – you won’t. You’ve saved yourself some heartbreak when you go off to school. OR rather, you’ve saved yourself the hassle of having to gently let your undeserving dude down when you try to explain you don’t do Long Distance (read: I want to explore my options!)
Focus on college and on yuor future. That is where the fun starts.
March 23rd, 2009 at 11:27 am
Dear BSG i hav 1 question…i found this girl of my dreams only thing that is worring me is that im 22 and she is 25 would relationship work for us?
is that heaps age differents?
i alwys make her laugh n smile but im just scared to ask her out of age difference….would you please help me
thanx marko.
March 23rd, 2009 at 12:03 pm
Dude, the BSG usually limits his responses to those folks who email him directly, rather than commenting on postings. Sometimes he just doesn’t see these!
That aside, this is easy: there is no reason a 22 year old and a 25 year old can’t be deleriously happy in a relationship. Age is no barrier here.
March 23rd, 2009 at 12:40 pm
Marko – this gal is 25 and her beau is 31. Yes age seems to have less of a barrier when the male is older, however, the onlyt ime this iwll become an issue is if you allow it.
The older you get, the more the age distance closes.
Listen to BSG – age makes no difference when compatibility steps its happy foot forward. If you make each other happy then 3 years is nada.