The Bitter Single Guy’s Relationship Advice

Getting Over It

Dear Bitter Single Guy: My BF of a year and a few months and I lived together and we had an argument over something he lied to me about. So things were rocky for 2 months. I agreed to let it go and work to move past it which we were for a month, and things were okay.

I started to feel he was becoming a little distant so I asked him what was up.  He said he didn’t want to leave, but wasn’t sure if he wanted to stay and was basically unsure about his feelings for me anymore.  He doesn’t feel I was making a genuine effort to get past our issues, which I was.

I told him I didn’t want to end this, but he said he needed to because he was unsure of what he was feeling.  My question is: What is this? Is it really over?  What is “space” when guys say they need it?  Sounds like BS to me?  Help!!! ~Don’t Have Space~

Dear DHS: Hmmm…the Bitter Single Guy admits that he is usually (as you all know) a fan of pulling the plug when it seems that there is no life left in a relationship, but one tiny point in your letter is making him re-think a little. You say that your Reluctant Romeo doesn’t believe you were making an effort to get past the lie.

The BSG believes that getting past a relationship problem whether lying, cheating, or putting empty juice cartons back in the fridge, is a different process for everyone. Stay with the BSG here DHS, he promises this is relevant.

The BSG has been accused in the past of being very literal. Oddly, the BSG welcomes this accusation because he believes that his literal-ness is one of his best qualities.  One result of this literal world view is that the BSG has a limited ability to feel bad when he screws up. His usual approach is to determine what he should have done differently, decide why he didn’t do it that way in the first place, make the correction and move on.

But on occasion, the BSG has been involved with someone who needed him to just feel bad and be sorry for an extended period of time. This has resulted in further conflict.

Reading your letter, the BSG wonders if you are subtly punishing Reluctant Romeo for the lie that you have apparently moved past? Perhaps there are subtle ways that you indicate that he can’t be trusted, or that he’ll lie again? Any of these behaviors are likely to make Reluctant Romeo feel like he’s fighting an uphill battle that he can’t win.

It’s also important for the BSG to say that none of this may be true at all. Maybe your Reluctant Romeo has just had enough and your relationship has run its course. So the BSG’s musings aside, if Reluctant Romeo needs “space”, isn’t sure he wants to stay and isn’t sure of his feelings for you then you’re probably being subtly dumped (the BSG wants his readers and their B/GF’s to start taking more responsibility for breakups when they’re imminent, darnit).

If this is unrecoverable, the BSG says step up and dump him.  But the BSG also hopes you think about whether you were REALLY over the lie, or if you were punishing him. ~BSG~

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