Dear Bitter Single Guy: I’m glad that you even exist. I’ve been bugged by my dream guy’s sudden attitude change literally overnight. He does have the caliber. Good career prospect with high earning power (definitely with higher stress in the future), good looking, good body and smart.
Initially, things were going on fine. He would pop by around workplace to take a look at me, get upset when I got upset, asked me out when he got transferred out, sms me every day. Suddenly all these changed just overnight. No sex was involved which made me even more confused what exactly he wanted and what exactly made him change his attitude. He initiated a hug and a peck on my cheeks, secretly smelled my hair and we even held hands that very night overseeing shears bridge. What happened???
I was so tormented by his actions, everyday asking myself why the change. Finally one day, I plucked up the courage to SMS him, yet he just gave me an answer “No reason.” How can there be no reason????
By the way, before he asked me out, he knew I had a bf. So we were supposed to hang out as friends till our last “date” (which was the 4th date, he initiated yet also ended it without reason. I was so miserable then after as I realized I was beginning to fall for him, and miss him so much. Even nowadays when I see him around at work (he got transferred back just 6 months ago), my heart flutters, I don’t even dare talk to him although he tried to talked to me initially (6months ago when he returned) but I chose to be cold as I was pissed off with him.
Only recently over the past one week, I decided to respond to him a little more. Sometimes, he will just say things like ” I need tender loving care” or “why don’t you make me coffee”, I am so confused. I do not know what he’s trying to do at all. I’ve been asking my best friend to sound him out, but my best friend is also at wits end as he’s rather tight lipped about his personal matters.
I am thinking of hijacking him when he goes home one day to sound him out face-to-face as I am really terribly tormented. My bf is bugging me to get married, but I do not want as my entire heart has only got that perfect guy whom I’ve been longing for. Even if my perfect guy were to reject me in my face, I won’t mind. At least I know what the reason is and there’s a closure. At least it can help me to fully move on and just marry my bf. ~Tormented Girl~
Dear TG: Wait, what? The Bitter Single Guy had to read over your letter a few times to keep up with the string of what’s happening. As he read, the BSG got that you had a mutual attraction with a co-worker and that the two of you flirted a little, sent SMS messages a few times , held hands and even engaged in some innocent hair-smelling while on some bridge.
Then, as far as the BSG understands, your Fickle Fellow went a little cold and stopped all the flirtation even though you weren’t done yet. Rude! So you directly asked him what was up (the BSG applauds you…heck the BSG applauds ANYONE who take the direct approach. Clap-clap-clap) and he essentially said he stopped flirting for no reason. Shame, shame, shame Fickle Fellow…even the BSG knows that the reason you stopped flirting is that you lost interest.
Yes TG that’s what happened here…Fickle Fellow just lost interest. Now it’s certainly possible, given your early description of Fickle Fellow as attractive with good earning potential (really, TG?), that he’s one of those folks who is actually somewhat insecure about his personality so relies on his looks (and…ummm…earning potential) to flirt and get women to flirt back with him even though he’s too insecure to ever head toward a real relationship.
But wait TG! Then the BSG read all the way through your letter and found out that through this entire flirting and him going cold and him getting transferred away then getting transferred back and you going cold and your ensuing confusion that you’ve had a BOYFRIEND! What?!
TG, the BSG is going to say what seems not to have occurred to you: You deserve everything you got from Fickle Fellow. You were obviously planning (perhaps are still planning) to continue pretending to be in love with your boyfriend, even entertaining plans of marriage, unless Fickle Fellow gave you the green light to jump ship and abandon your poor boyfriend! Shame, shame, shame TG.
If you’re unhappy in your relationship to the point that flirtation from an attractive coworker sends you spiraling into uncontrollable fantasy-land, then at a minimum the BSG recommends you don’t get married to your boyfriend. In fact, the BSG thinks it’s probably time for you to step up and take some responsibility and either commit to your boyfriend or break up with him because you obviously think there is something better out there for you.
In short TG, Fickle Fellow is treating you exactly like you’re planning to treat your boyfriend, so the BSG thinks you got what you deserved.