How Do I Stop Being a Nag?
Dear Bitter Single Guy: Hello! Where to start? I am 28 – my bf is 31. Been dating him for about 1.5 years on and off and in the early stages we were really just “Dating” and not really “committed” the title didn’t come till Nov of 09 and then the seriousness of the relationship did not really come into play until recently (around May). For starters, he was a commitment-phobe and an alcoholic. The relationship was basically one sided the majority of the time – I gave, he took. Very selfish, would never want to discuss issues or make time for them. It wasn’t until we finally broke it off (he was drunk one night and did not remember that he did) and I did not contact him for about 3 weeks and was doing fairly well actually.
After some time had passed he came to his senses I guess and we decided to discuss issues. He made promises about changing (I didn’t want him to change, just flat out told him he just wasn’t what I wanted to date, still loved him though).
During this process of the “new and improved” dude – he surprisingly has fixed a lot of the big issues we were dealing with. Communication was nonexistent – now we talk as frequently as I like which I know he hates but does it for me. Sex/Intimacy was void and that has been taken care of. It almost seems like he is in it for the long haul, and mentions the future but not in specifics and not for too long. He also makes comments like – breaking up isn’t an option; that he will work through our problems.
I am bipolar too. Terrible. I tell him all the time I am too much for him and most likely anyone else. That he just isn’t capable of providing me what I need because I am just too needy I feel like. But he wants to stay.
There are other things that I almost feel like I am just being too picky about. I just wish he’d share more in my interests and make time for me. He is still selfish in that he plans every event around sports. He also really isn’t that type of boyfriend to ever take me to a movie or dinner, he doesn’t like to be intimate/affectionate unless I ask or unless he is drunk. He doesn’t tend to communicate with me throughout the day unless I initiate. It is very important for me to feel important or loved and he knows this and says he is willing to do anything but tends to only improve if I have a meltdown or discussion but will not occur naturally on his own.
Do I need to just stfu and relax? ~Nagging Nellie~
Dear NN: The Bitter Single Guy has to ask: huh? Girlfriend, you are ALL over the place and the BSG isn’t really sure what your question is. You were dating an inconsiderate alcoholic but since you’ve gotten back together, he’s become more considerate. Still an alcoholic though? Since you doesn’t want to be intimate or affectionate unless he’s drunk the BSG assumes he’s still an alcoholic (otherwise that’s a whole different problem).
So you’re communicating as much as you need now, but he’s not happy with the communication? Doesn’t seem like that’s sustainable, does it?
Wait, did you also throw side note in there that you suffer from Bipolar Disorder? Really NN? Are you under treatment or is your disorder also playing havoc with your relationship?
NN, the BSG loves that you and your boyfriend have worked through your recent upset and is impressed as hell that your boyfriend seems to have turned around all the things you wanted turned around. However, it seems that you’re still not happy. The BSG wonders if it’s not the nit-picky things you mentioned (communication, intimacy, etc.) but if it’s just this guy?
Sounds like you were doing fine on your own during the time that you broke up (he really didn’t remember breaking up with you? Seems like that would penetrate even the thickest alcoholic fog.) and the BSG recommends backing off of this relationship a little. Maybe just some casual dating until you see what’s what after all this dust settles. ~BSG~
Loading ...