How Long Do I Wait?
Dear Bitter Single Guy: I am with my boyfriend since 3 years and a half. We have been living together since. Recently I asked him if he was thinking about a future with me like getting married, have kids… He said he was not thinking about getting married for now. His life is too on-stable: no degree, stable job and family issue. It is clear for me that I want to get married with him and start a family in the future. What should I do in this situation. ~Clock is Ticking~
Dear CIT: The Bitter Single Guy thinks you need to give this another 6 months, then bring it up again with your boyfriend. The question then needs to be whether or not he believes he will ever be ready to get married and start a family. If the answer is “someday, once these other issues are resolved” then decide how long you want to hang in with him.
If his answer is “probably not”, “I don’t think so” or something similar, then the BSG hates to be the one to tell you but you’ll need to decide whether being un-married and childless with this man is more important to you than finding a man who wants the same things you want.
Ending a relationships that is good in the present, but doesn’t seem to have a future is hella hard, CIT. But the BSG and you both know that there really isn’t any other choice if he doesn’t want what you want. That said, the BSG (and his readers) can think of lots of examples of people who didn’t want to take the marriage-and-children plunge, but found out that it wasn’t nearly as scary as they thought and actually has some benefits. The BSG hopes your boyfriend is one of these Reluctant Romeos. ~BSG~
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Says:
November 3rd, 2009 at 12:02 am
Dear Clock Is Ticking, As a girl who is living with her boyfriend, and has been with him for 3 years…I understand where you are coming from completely BECAUSE (drum roll please)…my wonderful man hasn’t popped the question either. We’ve talked about marriage, children, the whole 9 yards, but…silence. No question…No smiling…No ring. But his 2 best friends HAVE managed to ask their girlfriends (of merely months) to marry them. So after being a sad willowy flower at a few weddings…I have decided that unless he asks this close to this time next year…it’s time for me to move on. I don’t want to be with anyone else, but I guess I’ll just have to deal IF that horrible day comes. The thing that really bugs me is…my boyfriend HAS a degree, and a pretty stable job. Even though he says he wants us to be secure before we get married…that leaves me wondering why those 4 little words would hurt. It’s not like I need a huge rock on my finger, it’s more of the promise that it will happen with the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. And it’s not like we’ll be getting married TODAY. I wouldn’t care if it were 2 more years. I just want the security of knowing that he’s mine and I’m his. So…hang in there. I’ll be right along with you…waiting…impatiently.
-Fairly Pissed Off Maiden
Says:
November 4th, 2009 at 6:16 am
Kristin: Why can’t you pop the question? Does it always have to be the man?