The Bitter Single Guy’s Relationship Advice

Internet Dating Woes

Dear Bitter Single Guy: You know what it is like dating someone from the internet. You have no common ground to base your judgment on. All you get is the other person’s words and your observational skill and gut feel (if there is any…)

I met a guy a month ago, who on paper seems to have a great potential to be a good fit for me.  We wrote to each other a lot and well before our first in-person meeting. And I always felt comfortable with him as he always called or txted when he said he would and he made it very clear that “fidelity” was critical for him. We both have been traveling a lot and have been trying to make an effort to squeeze time in to meet in person.  Long story short, I met him for the second time at his house (it was the only time we had – between my coming back from Italy and his departure to Germany.) He kissed me as we were talking (a bit surprising to me, but I did not mind it at all) Then he was gone to DE for a week.

While I was in Italy and he was in Germany, we txted each other every day, and spoke on the phone a few times. I met him again for the third time (at his house) last night because he was leaving for Canada today.  We spent most of the two hours kissing and touching each other (something one would call heavy necking, I suppose?)  It was obvious he was very turned on. He did, for many times and in various forms, ask me to stay.  It was my determination that I was not going to get into bed with him last night no matter how appealing it was to me too.  I told him that, and I also said: “I didn’t come here to have sex with you.” He replied: “I did not invite you over to have sex with you either. And just so you know, I am not a man of one night.” I’d have no problem becoming intimate with him, but just not last night yet.

But here is what I saw as “red flag” – as I was putting on my coat last night, I asked: “Am I going to see you this weekend?” He said: “I am not sure about Sat. What about Sunday?”  I knew he had to catch up with office stuff on Sat after all this travel. But I was surprised that with all this eagerness, he didn’t seem eager to spend this first available weekend with me. Then I saw that he checked in onto the dating website during today.  He did txt me back today but it was rather brief, saying he was busy in the office before heading to the airport again. I got really annoyed (yes, I know it is not rational or fair as I checked out other dudes on the site too – that is how I saw his activity…) But I was like: “oh, really?  Obviously we’d have had sex last night if I had not insisted on no. And today he still found time to check out other women??!!!”

So my question for you, dear BSG: am I reading too much into this? Or, I should trust my gut and not take this as something worth taking seriously. How can I build trust with someone you meet like this and not get hurt or misled?  If I do decide to see him again, what kind of questions should I ask? Or better yet, what kind of observations or test should I put forth? ~Confused by men~

Dear CBM: The Bitter Single Guy does indeed think you’re reading too much into this. The BSG applauds your resolve regarding having sex when you didn’t think you were ready, and he also suspects that although you weren’t ready, your online Romeo was ready and that could be why he was a little unresponsive.

Mostly the BSG recommends that you treat this like a casual acquaintance until you’ve had some more time to spend together and are in a real relationship. As the BSG sees it now, you’re mostly txting and emailing, so Online Romeo probably doesn’t feel an obligation to you at this point.

The BSG doesn’t recommend reading too much into Online Romeo’s behavior, but he does recommend taking it slow until you’ve had a chance to set some ground rules.

~BSG~

Be Sociable, Share!

•