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What The Hell?Looking at porn is normal

October 14th, 2010 Posted in What The Hell?

Hey, BSG: To put it simply the girl I’ve been seeing for the past year is an angel. She’s so nice, friendly, beautiful and sweet… I can easily see myself spending the rest of my life with her. My problem is that I have a tendency to mess it all up… a few months ago she caught me looking at porn.

She sees it as cheating (I don’t blame her to be honest. If roles were reversed I’d have a hard time letting it slide too). Needless to say trust was broken and now we have fights that get really heated to the point of yelling, cursing and wishing horrible things upon the other person. Anyway I did it again recently and it almost obliterated the relationship… I don’t know why I do this. I really want to be the man she deserves. I know I don’t do it because of her looks because she is flawless in my eyes.

I guess I just need a bit of guidance… or a smack around the head… or both. thanks. ~Wants to Make It Right~

Dear WMIR: The Bitter Single Guy has both some guidance and a smack in the head and because it’s just more fun, let’s start with the smack shall we?

Dude, the BSG is like, what?! PORN counts as cheating in your relationship? Really? Short version: you’re doomed.

The BSG gets annoyed by our prudish society sometimes and this is one of those times. Here’s the news, WMIR: everyone looks at porn, even those who say they don’t. Do you think people want faster and faster internet connections to be able to read their church bulletin faster? Nope. Porn.

Now, the BSG needs to put a proviso here that he is adamantly freakishly angrily opposed to porn that victimizes anyone who is not a consenting adult. The exact age this is OK varies by state and it’s a slippery slope down which the BSG won’t travel.

But that aside, it’s normal and has been normal for a very long time. Do you think there weren’t plenty of folks in the Renaissance who were turned on by all those paintings of curvy women lying on couches? Porn. What happens when it’s thought of as cheating and abnormal? People do it in dark scary places and religious leaders end up being hidden perverts.

Ok that’s the smack around the head, WMIR. Porn is normal and both you and your girlfriend are overreacting to it. Add that to the fact that you apparently can’t keep yourself from looking at it (caught twice? The BSG wants you to look at porn during more private times unless getting caught is exciting to you).

So here’s the guidance. The BSG wants you to go to your favorite search engine and type in “Is looking at porn normal?” When you get to an article by a doctor or therapist, print it and talk with your girlfriend about it. And by the way WMIR, porn is normal for BOTH of you. If you’re going to be freaked out by your Angelic Girlfriend having a healthy sex drive, then you’re in for a long list of failed relationships…particularly as you get older (the BSG is going to guess you’re under 25). Have a conversation about the fact that your choice of looking at porn when she’s around was a poor one, but that it’s NOT cheating.

The BSG hopes that the two of you can lighten the hell up and get used to the fact that porn is normal and sometimes it’s gosh-darned fun. ~BSG~

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9 Responses to “Looking at porn is normal”

  1. Tiffany
    Relationship status: N/A

    Says:

    While porn might be “normal” I don’t think that makes it right. Some people are bothered by it and his girlfriend is one of them. He should respect her and not try to talk her out of her feelings by saying some psychologist said it was okay. It’s only “normal” now because so many people do it, not because you have to do it. He should respect his girlfriend and her feelings.
    It sounds like there is a possible addiction to pornography which can be dangerous and he might need help overcoming such a problem, not just saying it’s normal.
    Drinking alcohol is “normal” but that doesn’t mean it’s okay to be an alcoholic. Of course, everyone has their choices, but sometimes our choices impact the lives of those we love.
    Perhaps this isn’t the right relationship for the two of them and this could be the issue.
    I’m disappointed in the BSG for ignoring the fact that the girlfriend has feelings and that somehow he decided her feelings were wrong because they didn’t jive with his own opinion.


  2. KT
    Relationship status: N/A

    Says:

    Look at porn together. It’s fun and a real turn on. Then it will soon seem quite normal.


  3. BSG
    Relationship status: N/A

    Says:

    Good points Tiffany! The BSG’s primary thought about the girlfriend’s reaction is that he doesn’t think looking at porn is the same as cheating by any stretch of the imagination.


  4. kelly
    Relationship status: N/A

    Says:

    “Do you think people want faster and faster internet connections to be able to read their church bulletin faster? Nope. Porn.” HAHAHA! Oh, BSG. My <3 for you is real and unyielding.
    I’m a girl, and I’ve never streamed porn on my computer. Mostly, I think, because I’m scared of viruses (and because I have a work computer). But I have watched porn. I think it’s normal. And while I wouldn’t want my boyfriend sneaking around and watching it, or watching it obsessively, or worst of all, acting like WE’RE in a porn (yes, I have had dude do that, and it’s quite uncomfortable). I would support him looking at porn at a reasonable rate.
    I agree that suppressing a natural tendency to view porn is unhealthy. Just like I think it’s unhealthy for priests to attempt to suppress their natural sexual tendencies. And I think suppressing them is what makes them sneak around (with children or married women).
    But I also think pedophiles have a tendency to move toward careers that put them in easy access to children. But, that’s just me.


  5. BSG
    Relationship status: N/A

    Says:

    All good points, Kelly. The BSG doesn’t want to speculate on what motivates pedophiles though…that creeps him out a little. Perhaps another column


  6. Skylar
    Relationship status: N/A

    Says:

    BSG, I know you’re trying to be open-minded about the subject in correctly reporting that a lot of guys look at porn. Why a guy does it is totally a mystery to me. But think of it this way. If you caught your girlfriend looking at naked guys, a logical conclusion is that she doesn’t think you’re hot enough. What WMIR’s girl gets from him looking at porn is that he doesn’t respect her enough to control his “natural” desire to look at porn. And maybe that’s a good thing, because who know where a relationship like this will go down the road.
    BSG, I don’t know if a girl has ever caught you looking at porn.
    ‘Cause if so, maybe that’s one reason you’ve been dumped too many times.


  7. Wolflover
    Relationship status: N/A

    Says:

    Wow. I didn’t realize so many people can’t tell the difference between movies and real life. The guys I know that watch porn watch it because they can. The girls I know who watch it, watch for the same reason. Porn is NOT real life. In most cases, I don’t believe it even resembles real life. I am not interested in trying most of the things I’ve seen in porn movies. I believe a lot of average people would end up in the ER if they did.


  8. wendy
    Relationship status: N/A

    Says:

    if you have to hide it, it’s bad. if partner is into it as you are, then cool.  really, really simple.


  9. adeline
    Relationship status: N/A

    Says:

    i would have no problem watching it together, however, when he starves you with no sex or intimacy and replaces it with porn, than it’s a problem for the partner–


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