Love in The Recession
Dear Bitter Single Guy: I met a guy that I am crazy about that I have been seeing for a month. The day I wanted to talk to him about making things official, he lost his job.I guess I made the mistake about talking about us anyway, and he said that he cannot give me what I want because he got out of a 4 year relationship 6 months ago so is still heartbroken and now has no job. He likes me but wants to be friends for now.
Do I want to be friends with him? Help! ~Jumped Too Early~
Dear JTE: The Bitter Single Guy definitely believes that timing is everything and can understand why unemployment would make your Jobless Gent a little wary of taking the relationship plunge with you. That said, the BSG is a little surprised that Jobless Gent threw his unemployment status at you while coming up with reasons why he couldn’t get involved. The BSG thinks that’s a little lame and that maybe the former relationship is keeping Jobless Gent wary?
Actually, the BSG has found that when people (employed AND unemployed) want to be in relationships, they find ways to make it work. If Jobless Gent felt what you’re feeling, the BSG suspects he’d jump at the chance to formalize your little relationship. The BSG thinks you should hang back…continue spending time and give JG time to settle into the recession along with the rest of us (the BSG also has spent some time jobless recently). If he doesn’t lighten up, the BSG recommends keeping one eye open for your next candidate. ~BSG~
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December 9th, 2009 at 8:17 am
Hey BSG
To give you an update, it has been a little over a month since his layoff, and after he made me the offer to be friends, I did agree to it thinking we would work out over time.
Anyway, for a month I helped him with his resume, applying to jobs etc along with giving him emotional support, all of which he took. He still missed the ex of course and I should have paid more mind to that.Finally, being emotionally and physically drained from living my life and his, I brought us up again- considering he has multiple interviews and is getting back on his feet.
He was completely taken aback! He said I agreed to being friends and for me to expect that to change was unreasonable. When I brought up how much I was there for him through all this and if he didn’t realize it was because I had feelings, he said all his friends would do that for him- delusional on his part, because I sure didn’t see any of those friends.
So we are done. I closed the door on him when I realized that there was actually very little good in this guy. The relationship was very much about him and I sound like a doormat in this whole story, but I thought this guy was worth some extra effort, so I am going to chalk up me being there for him, in this recession relationship, as karma points.
Thanks for your advice! It was spot on! Now to my next candidate
December 9th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
JTE, it sounds like you have only a few months invested, which is pretty quick turnaround to decide that someone isn’t worth the time. That’s a pretty good return on you investment in the BSG’s opinion.
~BSG~