Lumberjack Love Advice
Hello there, Bitter Single Guy. I have been reading your rather excellent advice for quite a while now, and am hoping you can toss a bone my way this time.
There is a guy I have known almost my whole life- he used to be friends with my older sister when we were all kids, and we have run into each other randomly over the years. There was nothing special between us because I was always the “little kid” and he was one of the “big kids” (he is three years older than me). But we ran into each other at an event for a mutual friend, and all of the sudden, something changed. I almost instantaneously realized we were both grownups now, and he was being rather attentive towards me (and is truly a nice guy, has it together, and is smokin’ hot), and I started to like him. This was about a year and a half ago.
Yes, BSG, you heard that correctly, a year and a half. For a freaking year and a half I have liked this guy even though our paths have not crossed since then (he lives in the next town over). I can’t stop thinking about him. I have Internet stalked him and even Facebook friended him (I know, I know… no, really, I do. I am under no illusions about how pathetic I am being). I even sent him a message of the friendly “hey how’s it going” variety, and received no reply (sniff, sniff).
So, you are certainly wondering, why don’t you just move on? Clearly, this is a one-sided attraction; go out and live your life, free yourself, and find someone who likes you as much as you like them! Believe me, BSG, I have “sworn off” this guy many times, tried my damndest to move on and forget about him, gone on (rather disastrous) dates with other guys, distracted myself with other things going on in my life (such as graduating from college, moving, getting a job, going on trips, planning events, hanging with friends, etc.), all to no avail. The hope that someday we’ll run into each other (somewhat likely, because we live in fairly close proximity) and he’ll miraculously realize he likes me refuses to die.
So, my question is, how do I kill that hope? I truly am sick of being so pathetically in love with someone who I am not even spending time with and want to move on with my life. Should I try to contact him again and see what happens (he is still single as far as I know…and here’s that pesky hope again…)? Or just let it be? Any insight or advice you can give me will be greatly appreciated, because as we can all see, I am getting nowhere by myself… ~Pathetic Petunia~
Dear PP: The Bitter Single Guy, as he read your letter, was put in mind of the logging days of yesteryear (before we went all tree-huggy). Trees would be felled by the scores (sounds like a fairy tale, yes?) and would be rolled down hills to some water (the BSG isn’t sure how trees felled in non-hilly places made it to the water). At this point, the logs would float in a big bunch downstream to be chopped into little pieces.
The BSG’s specific image, while he read your letter PP, was of logs getting caught together and the entire flotilla getting backed up. This is a much more attractive picture than, say, clogged arteries, or traffic jams.
The gist here PP is that the BSG thinks something is clogged. Something is keeping you idealizing this guy you don’t even know. The BSG doesn’t know what it is, but he’s pretty sure things like jobs, trips and degrees aren’t going to get you there, because you’ve got a romantic logjam that’s making you long for someone who is unattainable. The key here, PP is that you haven’t even fallen for him…you’ve fallen for what he’s come to represent in your fantasy of the two of you.
So in summary PP, you’re in love with a fantasy, not a man. The BSG recommends spending some time (perhaps with an insightful friend or a counselor) trying to figure out what logjam is in the way of you flushing Fantasy Guy from your system. In the BSG’s vague high-school memory of lumberjack history, there is usually a key-log that, once out of the way, allows everything to flow freely. Keep poking around, you’ll find the key-log eventually. ~BSG~
