The Bitter Single Guy’s Relationship Advice

Make-Out Mixed Messages

Dear Bitter Single Guy: Here’s my situation.  I moved to a new city 6 months ago.  I only knew one guy here through facebook (mutual friends, didn’t know him before moving).  After I move, we start casually dating for a month until I tell him mid-make out session that I’m not looking for anything serious right now, but I love hanging out with him.  He says he’s not anti future seriousness, but he’s fine with where I am.

We hang out one more time after that, and he ends up spending the night (no sex).  Then, I don’t hear from him for MONTHS.   I eventually texted him a couple times to figure out what happened and he was always friendly and said wanted to hang out, he’s just really busy…right.  I was sad because I really liked hanging out with him, but decided to let it go and focus on building good friendships here.  BUT NOW!  He started texting me again. He still hasn’t asked me out again, and I have no idea what he wants now.  Do you think he’s afraid of rejection and I should ask him out?  I already kind of feel like an ass for semi chasing after him when he stopped calling, so that idea freaks me out a lot.  Help me BSG! You’re my only hope! ~Got One Hooked~

Dear GOH: The Bitter Single Guy thinks your first decision should be exactly what you want from Reluctant Romeo. Tossing out speed-bumps in the middle of a make-out session to say that you aren’t looking for anything serious is bound to make Reluctant Romeo think twice about any kind of involvement.

GOH, the BSG would propose that you’ve gotten exactly what you (said) you wanted here. You said you didn’t want anything serious and you don’t have anything serious. You said that you love hanging out with him, but you “didn’t hear from him for months”…did he hear from you during those months? In other words, did you sit around waiting for him to keep pursuing you when you had essentially told him not to?

The BSG knows that you didn’t intend to send mixed messages, but he strongly recommends you decide what you want and simply tell Reluctant Romeo:

• I like you and enjoy hanging out but just want to be friends (FYI, friends, rarely make out).
• I like you and would like to go out on a date occasionally (FYI, casual dating is rarely successful…someone usually ends up wanting more and hearts get stepped on)
• I didn’t think I wanted anything serious, but it turns out that I like you more than I thought and I’d like to give “us” a chance.

Keep in mind that what you want may not align with what Reluctant Romeo wants, but at least you will know where you stand (or don’t, as the case may be).

~BSG~

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