Not as Hot as She Used to Be
Dear Bitter Single Guy: I am in a very serious relationship and am getting married, in fact. As of lately, my GF had a very minor surgery that has left her slightly immobile. So both of our lifestyles have changed to some extent in order to adapt to the situation. Unfortunately, eating habits have not.
Things are turning around for the better in-terms of her mobility, but I sense that she has grown accustomed to “not doing much.” Additionally, she may be a little bit softer as she did when we first met. I see photos from back when, and think, “wow, I wish she was like THAT.” How would you go about hinting at her to snap out of it (without the repercussions of either getting slapped or getting no-sex in the foreseeable future)? ~Longing for the Old Days
Dear LFOD: Yeah, good luck with this Dude. The Bitter Single Guy understands that you’re looking for a safe way to ask your fiancé to please become as hot as she was when you met her? The BSG can think of about a zillion ways for this to go wrong.
But he feels you, brother. The truth is that attraction is a moving target and your responsibility is to manage every part of your relationship, including the hard parts (pun slightly intended…the BSG is feeling somewhat saucy).
Focus your conversation on depression. Say something like: “Before your surgery you were really active and you seemed to love that lifestyle…I know I did. Maybe we can go for walks together, or play racquetball together, or…” You get the BSG’s drift here. He’s not sure what The Active are most engaging in these days; is power-walking out?
In short LFOD, focus on the activity that used to result in your fiancé being in shape (and attractive to you) and NOT on how she looks. Good luck.
~BSG~
Loading ...
Says:
November 15th, 2009 at 6:45 am
Great advice. Gold.
Says:
November 17th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
Just my two cents on this one (a gal’s perspective, if you will): shouldn’t one have enough wiggle room to get “a little bit softer” due to crappy circumstances without having a loved one freak out about your bod? It seems like LFOD is talking about a tiny weight gain in a short amount of time for completely legitimate reasons. Cut the girl some slack! She can’t move around at 100% (bummer) and her fiance seems to place a lot of importance on her physical appearance (bummer x 2). Not exactly motivation to hit the raquetball courts…
I’m curious what the advice would be if she wrote in complaining about a fizzle in the spark/crap-you’re-not-as-hot-as-you-used-to-be vibe from the fiance under the circumstances?
P.S. BSG, keep up the good work! Love your advice–always insightful and so festively written. (Saucy BSG makes me laugh out loud at work.)
Says:
November 17th, 2009 at 5:37 pm
Good point, Tricky Bird! If this Delicate Flower had written in about her beau being a little pudgy, the BSG would have essentially the same advice.
Your point is a good one, though…anyone unwilling to accept a little middle-age spread is bound to have a disappointing middle-age.
~BSG~