Some Awkward Nincompoopery
Dear Readers, in the most recent installment of nincompoopery our hero SAN learned of Perfect Girl’s indiscretion, immediately following his own indiscretion. The BSG called him out a little for his hypocrisy, but mostly told him to get over himself. Here now is the conclusion of this ridiculously long letter.
Dear BSG: So I told her I could forgive her. And a month later made her my girlfriend again. Here I am now, 10 months after loosing the love of my life to a horrible person, I’m with her..but I feel like nothing is the same. She is the same person I fell in love with, but I don’t look at her like the angel I used to see. I still love her with all my heart. I feel like being with her though makes me feel like I have no self respect or pride. I bring it up randomly, and I feel as though we never go a day without talking (truthfully fighting) about it. My emotions are completely bipolar. She tells me she loves me and appreciates me more now. She says that what she did was necessary in helping her find out what she really wanted in a life long relationship. She explains how in doing so, she was able to find herself….but at the same time, I feel as though I lost myself. I have no control of anything. No matter what she says or does, it’s never enough to make me forget. I want to be with her, she’s the one. What do I do though? Is she really the ONE, or WAS she the one? How do I get over such a demoralizing reality? She hates when I want to talk about it, always saying, “are we really going to ruin the whole day we had,” “are we really going to fight about this again,” “why does that stuff matter, I’m with you now and this time I know you’re everything I want.” What she doesn’t realize is that, I’m still healing, and she doesn’t understand because she kept that from me so long and she herself got time to get over it, I never got that.
Will I ever be able to look at her like I used to? Will I ever accept the past? Will things ever actually be the same between us? I used to hate sleeping, because my dreams sucked compared to my life. Now it seems the other way around, like I’m living in a nightmare, but will I ever wake up? I’m lost. I have no direction. Am I in love with her? Or am I in love with how she used to be when she was mine the first time? I took pride in knowing I had a girl like her, and now, I feel as though I’m only with her because I think everything will just disappear, and one day I’ll wake up and everything will be how it used to be. I know there’s a million girls out there, but she’s the only one I would cross the road for to walk with. I’m messed up and confused..any thoughts or advice would help….what’s life if you can’t be with the one person always dreamed of loving? And what’s life if that person you dreamed of is long gone and the dream you had, will always be a dream?….
Dear SAN, the Bitter Single Guy has a lot to say here. You start by saying that things aren’t the same; she’s not the perfect angel she once was. SAN that’s correct…she was NEVER a perfect angel, you just chose not to see her as a regular fallible person. So if you have no more self respect or pride, the BSG thinks that’s totally your issue and NOT something you should be laying at Perfect Girl’s feet.
OK, you fight a lot because you’re having a tough time getting over the fact that she made THE SAME MISTAKE YOU DID. Whatever, the BSG doesn’t expect you to be perfect, but he does expect you to open your damned eyes. Yes SAN, it will take you time to get over her indiscretion. Have you asked her how she is doing getting over yours?
Honestly, SAN….the whole “I hated sleeping because my life was better than a dream and now I live in a nightmare” makes the BSG want to just call this as he sees it. You’re being a drama queen. Seriously SAN get over yourself. Here’s the gist;
No, your relationship with Perfect Girl won’t ever be the same, but it’s supposed to grow and evolve. In this case it’s evolving because you were both stupid, but evolution has come about for worse reasons.
If you used to take pride in having a Perfect Girl, you now need to learn to have pride in having (and being had by) a Normal Girl. This is a better deal for you.
If you are in this relationship because your’e waiting for it to be like it used to be, just get out now. This is like the people who get jobs working at their high school because they’re waiting for their life at 40 to feel just like their life did at 16. Seriously, it’s pathetic.
Honestly SAN, the BSG just doesn’t think this is going anywhere for you. You’re so wrapped up in some romance novel image of what your perfect relationship will be to the point that you think it’s going to stay perfect and unmoving until you both die.
You and Perfect Girl have had to deal with the reality of having a relationship…the ugly, sometimes painful, sometimes unsatisfying, sometimes dishonest parts of having a relationship. Decide to move forward as the people you are now, or split up. And seriously dude…stop being such a drama queen. You made this bed, so feel free to lie down and get comfy.
The BSG knows he’s been hard on you here SAN, but your letter reflected what the BSG thinks is a serious amount of delusion and he thinks you need a kick in the ass to get you out of your own head. You’re welcome. ~BSG~