The Bitter Single Guy’s Relationship Advice

She Needs Time?

Dear Bitter Single Guy:  I need some advice. I have a wonderful, beautiful girlfriend who I love very much. Not but 7 days ago she decided she wanted to take some time away to clear her head. After having talked to her, she has stated she doesn’t know what the problem is, but she needs to figure it out. We have been talking about marriage and both of us are experienced in mature relationships. She stated finally after I got her to open up that she doesn’t know if she is afraid of marriage, or she is no longer in love with me. I was absolutely devastated and feel utterly betrayed and damaged. I know she still loves me, and that we have a great thing. But how much time do I give her? ~Broken Hearted~

Dear BH: The Bitter Single Guy knows, as many of his readers (and now you) know, what it’s like to be dumped. BH, you’re likely shocked by the BSG saying it that bluntly, but it’s true isn’t it? Two weeks ago you had a happy relationship and this week you don’t.

The key point here BH is that two weeks ago you had a happy relationship while your wonderful beautiful girlfriend didn’t. While getting dumped always seems to come out of nowhere, we all know that this was probably percolating in Beautiful Girlfriend’s head for some time.

Normally the BSG’s advice in situations like yours is to tell you to man-up and deal with the fact that you’ve been dumped. For some reason this doesn’t feel quite that cut-and-dried, so the BSG has some less brutal advice (not much less, but a little).

·         If you’re living together, find a place on your own or at least move in with a friend for awhile. If Beautiful Girlfriend needs space, give it to her. If she’s actually on the fence, this may shock her into realizing what single life is actually like.

·         Get used to the idea that you’re not marrying this girl. Maybe she will turn around, maybe she has cold feet, maybe she’s in an elaborate reality TV show that requires her to deny her undying love for you in order to win big cash; but if she’s not sure whether her need for space is her lack of love for you or her fear of marriage, the BSG thinks there’s a good chance there will be no altar-time for the two of you.

·         This is the hardest one: Don’t take her feelings personally. Although falling out of love with you makes you feel betrayed and wretched, there’s nothing you could have done to change it (barring the possibility that you’re a jerk and didn’t mention that). Love and attraction often comes and goes unintentionally.  The BSG thinks Beautiful Girlfriend would like nothing more than to be madly in love with you again, but stuff like that is often out of our hands.

Basically BH, the BSG wants you to create some safe space where you can start to heal and re-build, and where Beautiful Girlfriend can have the space she needs to do whatever. If she comes back, you’ll both be redefining your relationship based on the break and if a new relationship with Beautiful Girlfriend is going to work you’ll both have to approach it differently. If none of that comes true, then you join the unhappy but wiser multitudes who have been dumped. ~BSG~

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