Soon-To-Be Long Distance Relationship
Dear Bitter Single Guy: I have been dating this guy for about 8 months, on a recent trip to meet his family we got into a huge fight and he decided to end it. But now I get an email saying that he misses me and wants me back, the things is he’s in the military and will be gone for about 7 months…what can a girl do to find out if it’s true love or if it’s just loneliness? ~Not Sure I’m Ready~
Dear NSIR: The Bitter Single Guy thinks that it could be both true love and loneliness, but that doesn’t help does it? NSIR , GI Joe is going to be gone for nearly as long as you were together before the Big Fight. Even if you had not had the Big Fight, the BSG wouldn’t give your relationship much hope to last when you haven’t had enough time to build a foundation that can survive a 7 month absence. When the Big Fight gets added to that, the BSG is concerned that you will remember being dumped as the last big event in your relationship before GI Joe headed off to war.
All that said, if you’re willing to take 7 months out of the dating pool (the BSG thinks sometimes a break from the dating pool is extremely healthy) this could be the perfect opportunity. You could make up with GI Joe, which would give him something wonderful to think about while he’s protecting our freedom (the BSG knows that there are bitter folks who will be thinking that he’s protecting oil interests and stuff instead of freedom, but it’s his experience that the nice folks in the armed services are usually passionate about their mission…it’s the leaders who are a bit dicey in the BSG’s opinion).
During the time you’re waiting for GI Joe to come home you can take a pottery class, read the classics, tutor school kids, or otherwise do something good for yourself and the world. Tempting, the BSG thinks. ~BSG~
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Says:
March 12th, 2009 at 10:48 am
Taking another side (although I don’t have the credentials BSG has), I wonder if the fight was spurred over your GI’s fears. Seeing as we don’t know what the fight was about (was it about a dealbreaker issue? was it something silly and you’re sitting there scratching your poor head asking WHAT just happened?) it’s hard to really decipher the background behind it.
Let’s analyze, bc I am a girl and what girl doesn’t love to over analyze every.minute.detail. WOO.
1) the “what just happened” fight. NSIR, there are two reasons this bitter girl believes fall behind “WJH” fights. a) fear b) the gentleman doesn’t know how to break things off.
NSIR, I adore my own bitter boy (for we truely are a bitter couple, in such a loving and great way) but he is well aware of his own committment issues. While our desire to work together overpowers these issues, there are still the times where he gets nervous and picks a WJH tiff. These are generally the “why can’t you clean more” or I say something inconsequetial and BOOM “WJH!” In these situations I have learned its best to smile, remind my dude how much I adore him and give him some space (which is not always easy in a studio). He gets through his rant and we are back to tickle fights and sicing the dog on me (er, yes…sigh…my dog has betrayed me and fallen for my beau). These fights are always fear based. How d I know this? Because they usually pop up right before a milestone in our relationship. Getting another dog, temporarily moving into my place, moving in together discussions, etc). With these WFH fights you just have to allow these crazy men to go over what they need to in their head. If its meant to be, they move on from it very quickly.
The other WJH fight is when they seem to start picking little silly fights for no reason whatso over and there seems to be NO precurser to these fights. When this happens, sadly, NSIR, it may be time to walk away. Ive found men tend to be, well, bitchy, when they don’t know how to end things.
And of course the “dealbreaker” fight. These are major red flag disagreements that should scream “get out while you can” if only your emotions weren’t so tied in. Only you can decide what a dealbreaker would be, but dont ever think you can work through dealbreakers. I would guess 1 in 10,000 couples are able to work past dealbreakers and I unfortunately already know that couple. (One wanted kids, the other didn’t and he decided hed rather be with her and give extra love to his neices and nephews).
So this is just my .02 cents. Added to what the BSG suggests. I tihnk perhaps, when you figure out what the fight was about, you can decide whether or not to move forward or go your own way. (This gal now has “You can go your own way” stuck in her head)
Says:
March 14th, 2009 at 5:11 pm
I can’t give you advice one way or the other because I don’t know you or all the details of your situation. I can suggest that if you decide to get back together you should do it wholeheartedly. You can get more advice on how to get your ex back by reading the ebook “The Magic of Making Up”. You can find out more on my web site http://www.SASVET77.
Says:
March 23rd, 2009 at 11:30 am
Dear BSG i hav 1 question…i found this girl of my dreams only thing that is worring me is that im 22 and she is 25 would relationship work for us?
is that heaps age differents?
i alwys make her laugh n smile but im just scared to ask her out of age difference….would you please help me
thanx marko.